In Too Deep
by Detective Olivia Stabler
Summary: What if Olivia somehow became the other woman? Follow her through the drama and heartache she finds when she falls in love with a married man.
1. 1 The End Of Innocence

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter One: The End Of Innocence)_

It had started innocently enough. A few years earlier when her mother had died, she had left the comforts of her city for the funeral. The burial took place in a small town where the deceased woman had spent most of the early years of her childhood. She being an only child, with no other relatives, was left with all of the responsibilities as usual. She had never really been close to her mother, their relationship damaged before she was even born. Her mere existence spawned of her mothers pain. She stood there, alone as she did so many times before. Greeted by those who had known her mother as a child, but never her.

The visitation had finished late and the service early the next morning, she checked into a cheep hotel room and out of sheer exhaustion had just collapsed across the bed when she heard the knock at the door. She took a deep breath and exhaled as she sat upright at the end of the bed slipping her black heels back onto her tired feet. Who the hell could it be?

She opened the door and shifted her tired eyes up to see him standing there. She stared at him for a moment, unable to speak and trying not to break down. She wouldn't, she couldn't, she refused. Not in front of him and not over her. She hated herself in this moment for the sorrow that churned in the pit of her stomach. The woman never loved her. Not the way a mother does her child. She never held her or hugged her or comforted her when she was scared. Only drank and hit and yelled and blamed and hurt. She tried to forget all of this now. To push it all to the back of her mind and focus on him. The only good thing in her life. The only one who ever really cared about her. The only family she had ever had and they shared no blood.

His eyes were tired, too. It was late now and she knew he had been up since early that morning. It was storming outside and his shirt was soaked from the rain and clung tight to his skin. His hair was wet and though it was short kind of stuck out in an unusual manor. His shiny black shoes were covered in mud and she had never been happier to see anyone in her life.

She stepped aside holding the door open to invite him inside and out of the rain. He stepped in and kicked off his shoes as she handed him a towel. She watched as he patted himself as dry as possible. She then tossed him a big tee shirt she often liked to sleep in. One of his anyway, she was sure. She had probably borrowed it from his locker at work after a workout and just held on to it because it was so comfortable. He unbuttoned his white dress shirt and dropped it to the floor. She noticed each muscle in his chest and abdomen and arms as he dabbed the towel over them, before pulling the tee shirt over his head.

Her eyes rolled up to look into his. They were more than blue in this light, azure with little flecks of green. He stared into hers for a moment, seeing the pain she was trying so hard to hide. He reached out one arm to comfort her, but she pulled away from him retreating to sit upon a desk across the room and stare out the window into the storm. He watched as her body trembled slightly unable to contain it's emotion and tears began to stream down her face. He approached her once more and reached out to her placing his hand on her shoulder expecting her to shrug him away, but she didn't move.

"Why are you here?" She asked softly.

"Cragen said you got a call. You just took off. You didn't call. I was worried."

"I'm fine. I just have to get a few things in order. I will be back tomorrow afternoon." She exhaled slowly still refusing to look at him.

"I thought you could use a friend," he said brushing a tear from her cheek.

She shifted her eyes down to the floor and took a deep breath. "I'm glad you're here," she whispered turning her eyes to gaze into his as more tears fell.

He reached out to her pulling her into his arms and holding her tight as she buried her face in his once dry tee shirt and broke down. He picked her up gently in his arms and carried her to the bed. He sat her gently down on it and laid her head against the pillow as he slid off her heels and slowly removed her stockings, then brought the blankets up around her. He turned out the bedside lamp and held her hand as she closed her eyes. When he was certain she was asleep he leaned in to kiss her forehead, then stood up and walked quietly toward the door.

"Don't go," she sighed softly as she raised herself to look at him in the dark.

He moved back over beside her and sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm just going to go to my room," he replied kissing her hand. "I'm right next door in 208." She stared into his soul. Her pretty brown eyes had always had a hold on him. And seeing them sad broke his heart.

"Please stay with me," she almost gasped and he could tell she was fighting off tears once more.

He took a deep breath as she raised the blankets and slid over making room for him to slide in next to her. He would have done anything to ease her pain. He laid down beside her in the bed and put his arm around her as she pulled the blankets back up around them. She rested her head against his chest and he tightened his arm around her holding her tight.

It all started innocently enough.

But a few hours later when he awoke in the dark to feel her forehead against his chin, he reacted. Maybe this was where it all started. He pressed his lips softly against her forehead and then without thinking slid his nose along hers until their lips met. It was quick. But he didn't even realize he had done it until her eyes shot open and stared back into his. She laid there for a second staring back at him. He could feel both their hearts pounding in the silence as the thunder crashed and boomed outside. But here, in this room, in this bed, with her in his arms, they were safe from the world outside. She took a heavy breath as he waited for her to push him from the bed. But she didn't. She just stared at him looking like a lost child with no where to turn, cold and afraid. He watched as a fire began to burn in her eyes. She blinked them slowly to wipe clear the confusion of the night then she leaned in and touched her nose to his. Her face just sort of hovered there for a second, teasing him. Close enough he could feel the flutter of her eyelashes on his cheek, but not really touching him. They both breathed heavy for a minute as they contemplated their next move.

He felt her nose brush against his again as if inviting him then they both leaned in and their lips met once more. He was not really sure who had kissed who this time. But it didn't really matter anymore. Their lips were pressed firmly together and their tongues tangled. They gasped together, as they explored each other. He moved his hand along the seem of the black dress she was wearing and unzipped the back. He felt her reach for his belt buckle and heard it clank as it hit the floor. She raised up in his arms as he slid her dress out from under her body and tossed it aside. He slid her bra off her shoulders and dropped it into the floor where it came to rest beside his pants and tee shirt.

He stopped for a second and looked into her eyes, but the pain and fear he had seen earlier were gone. Now there was a longing. An ache that he could feel when he ran his fingertips over her body. She wanted this as badly as he did. He kissed her tenderly and slowly giving her the chance to stop him before this went any further, but she didn't. Instead she reached for him. Touching him with her fingers and kissing his chest, before moving her hands down to remove his boxer shorts. He reached down and let his fingertips dance across her belly like they had wanted to so many times before. Then her hand met his and guided it down to the waistband of her cotton panties. His fingers twitched there for a moment as he stared into her soul, neither of them saying a word. Then she pulled his face to hers and she kissed him. He had never tasted kisses like hers or felt such passion. He moved one hand across her belly and the other dipped into the small of her back as he slid them both downward removing her underwear and dropping them into the floor beside her bra.

Before he knew it, they were making love. She held tight to him, as he moved on top of her. Moving slow and hard inside of her. She was so warm and so soft and smelled so good. She stared deep into his eyes and this drove him crazy. She moaned as he gently bit the skin of her neck and she moved her fingers in his hair. He could focus on nothing but her gentle moans as she leaned her head back and clawed her fingers down his back. She was enjoying this as much as he was. Her soft pants soon became heavily breathed screams of passion, muffled only by his lips on hers. He felt her toes as they curled tight against the calf muscles in his legs. They quickly sped their movements and their breathing until he could feel her tighten around him. He put his hand against her chin and pulled her face in to kiss him. A few more thrusts and he watched the flicker in her eyes as they both reached their climax.

He laid still above her as they both panted heavily trying to catch their breath. Moments later he rolled over and laid beside her in the hotel bed. He turned his head to look at her, but she was looking away. Almost avoiding eye contact with him. He reached his arms around her body pulling her tightly into them and held her there. He had expected her to struggle, but she was too weak. The long day and their more than satisfying sexual experience had completely drained her. She laid still once more, her head against his chest, until she drifted off to sleep in his arms.


	2. 2 Nothing

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Two: Nothing)_

When Elliot woke up the next morning she was already gone. Her bags had been packed and all of her belongings were gone as well. Infact there was no sign that she had ever even been there, the room was empty with the exception of his clothes piled in the floor and the unmade bed where he laid staring down at them. He sighed, then got up and got dressed.

Elliot walked across the parking lot to the front desk and turned in the keys for both rooms. He stood there for a moment studying a large map on the wall before asking the desk clerk where "West Ridge Cemetery" was located.

Thirty minutes later Elliot arrived at a small cemetery on the outskirts of the tiny town. A dozen cars were parked along the drive of the cemetery leading up to a small tent in the center of two hundred headstones. He approached the gathering of strangers and slowly made his way toward the front of the tent where a wooden casket was on display surrounded by hundreds of flowers.

She was seated in the front, in a folding chair staring straight ahead. Elliot watched her as the Reverend gave a blessing and closed the service. The crowd began to thin out, passing by the casket and shedding a few tears and leaving more flowers. Elliot stood quietly to the side and just watched. When everyone else had gone she stood and moved to the front of the tent to speak with the Reverend. She then turned and looked down at the casket as she placed a single red rose on its lid. He watched her as she turned to go, only then realizing he was even there.

Olivia stopped and looked at him, Elliot felt almost sick for the guilt he saw in her eyes. She took a deep breath then shifted her eyes ahead of her and walked past him not saying a word. Elliot followed close behind her as she approached her car and climbed into the drivers seat. He opened the passenger side door and got in as well closing the door behind him. She put the key into the ignition then leaned her forehead against the steering wheel as she started to cry. Elliot placed his hand against her back to try to comfort her.

"I can't talk about this now," she sobbed.

"Liv, I'm just here as a friend. For support. We don't have to talk about anything. We can just sit here. I just don't think you should be alone right now."

"I'm a big girl Elliot, I don't need you to hold my hand." She turned her head to look at him once more. "I don't want to talk about it, any of it. I can't deal with it now."

"Liv…"

"Elliot please, just get out of the car. I just want to go home and get a hot shower and some sleep."

"Okay," he said as he stepped out onto the pebbled drive and closed the car door. Elliot stood there and watched as she just drove away. Part of him felt like he was losing her, like she was leaving his life forever. Elliot took a deep breath, walked back toward his car kicking small rocks along the way and feeling like an idiot for not knowing the right words to say to make her feel better.

A few hours later back in the city, Olivia stood under a her shower letting the hot water cascade down her back. She stretched trying to loosen the muscles in her back and shoulders and ease some of the tension that seemed to concentrate there. She turned allowing the water to pour over her face as she ran her fingers through her hair. She shut off the water and wrapped a towel around herself. Then wiped her hand across the foggy mirror and stared into her own eyes. She exhaled then walked across the room to her bed to slip on a tee shirt and a pair of boxers grabbed a bag of potato chips and laid across the couch with the remote in her hand.

Within moments she heard a knock at the door. What did he want? She knew it was Elliot, because he had used the key she had given him years before to get into the building but knocked on the apartment door asking her approval before coming in. Without thinking Olivia jumped up from the couch and opened the door. Elliot stood in front of her holding a pizza box and a six pack of beer. She stared him down for a minute before stepping aside to allow him to enter.

Olivia followed him to the living room and took her place on the couch as he handed her a beer bottle and opened the pizza box.

"What is this?" She asked.

"I wanted to make sure you ate something. I know you, you have not eaten all day. Probably didn't eat anything yesterday either," Elliot replied picking up her potato chip bag by the corner and sitting it on the table.

"El, you can't keep doing this." She turned to look at him taking a sip from her beer bottle.

"What?" He asked.

"Rushing over here to take care of me all of the time," she said quietly.

"That is what friends do, Liv." Elliot looked at her hoping to catch her eye, but she was staring at the floor.

"But that isn't really why you came here is it?" She asked finally looking at him.

"I came here to make sure you were okay," he replied.

"Yes, but not because of this thing with my mother. You came here to see if I was okay, because we slept together." Elliot just stared at her speechless. "I know you too," she said softly.

She pulled her legs up to her chest and bit her bottom lip as she looked down at the floor. Elliot could tell by the expression on her face that she felt ashamed of her actions.

"It happened. We can't deny it. We can't take it back. We just have to learn how to accept it and move forward. Liv, I don't want things between us to be messed up because of a lapse in judgment."

"Elliot, we screwed up. We screwed up bad. I'm not even sure how it happened or what the hell we were thinking. But it… it…" Olivia began to sob once more.

"It is going to be okay," Elliot placed his hand over hers and squeezed it tight.

"How?" She whispered. "Every bad thing Kathy has ever said about me….. Every bad thing she has ever though about us….Elliot, it is all true now. Look, I was lonely and hurting and scared. I wanted you to stay, because I needed you. I needed my best friend. But I never meant for any of this to happen. That was not my intention when I invited you into my bed. I need you to know that."

"Of course I know that. I didn't exactly expect it to happen either. We were laying there and I was holding you. It was completely innocent. I just wanted to comfort you, I wanted you to feel safe. They next thing I know I felt you move in my arms and I reacted. I kissed your forehead and before I knew it we were kissing. Then I was inside you and we were making love. I knew it was wrong. I knew it the entire time, but it was like my body wasn't listening to my mind. You were so soft and your kisses so sweet and you felt so good. And the way you reacted to my touch, just made me want it so much more….."

"Don't!" She cut him off. Olivia closed her eyes tight trying not to hear what he was saying. His words stung as they hit her ears, it was almost as if he were trying to justify this horrible thing they had done. She put her hands over her ears and stood up to move across the room from him.

"Look, I know what we did was wrong. I'm just saying, maybe you weren't the only one who was lonely."

"There are no excuses for what we did, Elliot! It was wrong no matter what the circumstance!"

"You are right," he said looking at her.

Olivia walked slowly back over to the couch and sat down careful not to touch him. "Are you going to tell Kathy?" She whispered running her fingers through her damp hair as she looked at him.

"I don't know. I don't want to. I feel like I need to, but more than anything I don't want her to know it was you. I think she could handle me being unfaithful. But if she ever truly knew, she would try to cut you out of my life completely. I'm not going to let that happen."

"What are you going to tell her?" Olivia stared into his eyes as they both fought back tears.

Elliot sat quiet then turned to look away from her, "nothing."

He reached up and brushed a single tear from her cheek as she forced a smile at him. "Are we going to be okay?" He asked her.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Good," he replied taking a deep breath. "I don't think I could handle my life without you in it." They sat quiet for a few minutes then he looked at her and smiled trying to make the best of the situation. "Let's eat," he said handing her a napkin and a slice of pizza from the box.


	3. 3 Complicated

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Three: Complicated)_

Two months past and everything seemed fine. Their little secret had remained just that and no one knew but the two of them. Things between them were fine, like nothing had ever happened.

But sometimes, in a moment, her mind would drift off to that stormy night when she found herself wrapped tight in his arms. And for a short time, everything was okay and she was safe and loved. Loved like she had never been before in her life. She would think of the way his fingers touched her skin and the power of his kiss. She would never admit it, but it was quite possible that she was falling for him.

And every now and then while laying in bed at night or sometimes even while making love to his wife, he would close his eyes and remember that night. The way she smelled and felt and kissed and loved. Making love to her was nothing like it was with his wife. Sex between he and Kathy had long ago become just that. Sex and nothing more. When it did exist, for the most part she would just lay there and not react to him at all. She might as well have been asleep. But it wasn't like that with Olivia. Every moment of their union was like magic, every touch and soft moan. Every time she kissed him or looked into her eyes and saw the fire that burned there he felt the passion that had been forbidden for years. Maybe that was why it was so hard for them to resist. Elliot replayed every steamy detail through his mind at least twice a day.

Tonight was a casual night for their group of friends as everyone met up at Munch's place for a friendly game of nickel and dime poker. Olivia had never played poker, but seemed to pick it up really fast. She was doing really well until Cragen, Fin & Munch lit up cigars, then she excused herself from the table to escape the smoke. She wondered around the large rooms of his home, most of them practically empty except for the old photographs on the walls and antique furniture scattered here and there. She walked slowly down a dimly lit hallway with her beer on one hand as she ran her finger along the floral wall paper and examined the old family photos in the frames that hung there.

She stopped for a moment to take a closer look at one and felt two hands grab her from behind and pull her into a dark room. She door closed behind her, then the light came on. Elliot was standing in front of her with a strange look on his face.

"What the hell are you doing?" She asked him.

"I just wanted a moment alone with you. To talk, I have been trying to get your attention all night." He stared into her eyes and she just stood there looking back at him.

Elliot tried making small talk with her, but he was awful at it and it was clear that was not what he wanted. The truth was, he wasn't really sure what he wanted. Just to see her and be alone with her. Over the last two months they had been so careful not to be alone in any situation that was not strictly business. And now here they stood face to face in a tiny bathroom.

Elliot had no idea what to say to her and she could tell. He leaned in close to her and pressed his lips to hers. Her eyes widened and she tried to push him away, but it was too late. He had his arms wrapped tightly around her waist and raised her to sit on the sink. Olivia sat her drink down on the counter beside her and before she knew it they were in the middle of an extremely hot make out session in Munch's bathroom.

She tipped her head backward as she felt him kiss up her neck and she heard herself moan softly. Elliot slipped his hand under her cut off jean skirt and was now caressing the side of her thigh gently as he kissed her passionately. He pushed her knees apart and slid her body closer to his as she kissed him back.

"Elliot," she pressed her lips against his and moaned softly.

But he was too busy to pay any attention to anything but where he was putting his hands.

"Elliot stop!" She almost shouted as she pushed him off of her and across the room and up against the wall. She pointed her finger as a warning as she stood up and pulled her skirt back down. "What is wrong with you?"

"Liv, you are all I can think about."

"Look, NOTHING has changed!" She said as she buttoned the buttons he had undid on her blouse. "What, do you think that cheep pretzels and beer in plastic cups make this okay?"

Elliot stood there looking at her for a moment trying to think of some explanation for his actions, but there was nothing.

"You are married," she said softly looking down at the floor. "That means that this, can never happen again." She opened the door to leave the bathroom, praying no one else had noticed them missing.

"Liv wait," he said quietly trying not to alert the group in the next room. "Talk to me."

"Elliot, there is nothing to talk about. It never should have happened the first time. And that, whatever that was shouldn't have happened either. I mean, it was…"

"Incredible," he interrupted her.

Olivia just stood there and he could tell by the look on her face that she was hating the fact that she even allowed herself to be attracted to him.

"It was wrong. What about Kathy? What about your kids? You are off limits to me." She turned to walk away from him again.

Elliot reached out and gently grabbed her arm turning her back to him. "Olivia, I'm attracted to you. I can't help that. I know you have known that for years. But now something has actually happened and it was incredibly hot and I can't stop thinking about you."

"You need to get control over yourself, Elliot."

"Liv," he tugged her arm gently until she was looking into his eyes then whispered to her. "I catch myself thinking about you while I am making love to her."

"I don't know what to tell you," she said softly. "This can't happen again, ever." Then she turned and walked away.

It wasn't long before Olivia excused herself for the evening and went home. That night she laid in bed rethinking the events as they took place. She wanted it just as much as he did, but they couldn't let it happen again. There was too much at stake. She closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep.

A few months passed and they had completely avoided conversation that lead to the discussion of any of they events they had allowed to happen before. They had a long few weeks and some tough cases at work. One night they ended up in the emergency room after Elliot had been hit by a car driven by a suspect trying to avoid capture. The man struck him with the car knocking him out of the way. Miraculously, no real harm was done. Elliot received a few bumps and scrapes, but after three hours in the hospital and all of his tests coming back clear, he was sent home with some bandages and pain medication.

Everything would have been fine, if he would have actually gone home. But instead he decided not to wake Kathy and deal with her lectures about the dangers of his job. So he went back to the station to crash at the crib for a few hours instead.

Olivia laid in bed alone thinking of how lucky they were that he was okay. He very easily could have been killed that night. She wasn't sure what she would do if she ever lost him. She thought back to the times when he held her and how it felt so right. How tender and powerful his touch was. Then a wave of jealousy consumed her and she couldn't help but feel a little angry toward him. She thought about it for a while. How could Kathy have something so wonderful and neglect him the way she did? How could Elliot put up with it? How could he feel the passion in her touch and then go home to Kathy and somehow forget that she ever existed at all? She didn't want to feel jealous or feel anything for that matter. The entire thing almost made her mad. She couldn't believe that she had let herself get involved at all. She closed her eyes tight and tried hard to fall asleep.

That night while standing next to his bed, in all of the adrenaline and fear, she had allowed him to kiss her. It was over quickly and they both pulled back knowing what had just happened was wrong. But it did happen. And it was his fault. She had just started to feel like she was completely over him and life was back to normal and then he goes and pulls a stunt like this. What the Hell?

Within moments she heard him knock on her door. She walked down the hall and opened the door giving him a glare.

"Please," he said. "Just give me a minute."

She didn't say anything, but just stood there looking annoyed.

"I want to apologize," he said gazing at her. "It was completely inappropriate and I never should have put you into that position."

"I don't want to be the other woman, Elliot."

"I know," he replied. "I just can't seem to get past this right now. It's like I knew you were there before, but I never saw you. Now that I have really noticed and I cannot have you. That just makes me want you more."

"I'm not going to pretend I'm not attracted to you. Or that that night was not amazing. I'm not going to lie to you and say that I don't think about it… Elliot I almost lost you tonight."

Just then Elliot kissed her again. Olivia wanted to fight him off, but instead chose to close her eyes and allow him to do whatever he wanted.

Before she could stop and think about it they were laying in her bed peeling off clothes and headed for round two of the most incredible sex of her life.

This time they were much slower. And stared into each others eyes the entire time. The blinds were open just a bit and the blue moonlight lit up the entire room. She could see him and feel him and taste him and hear him as he softly called her name.

When it started out he was on top of her and everything was sweet and sexy. A little while later she found herself sitting up on him riding him slowly feeling intense pleasure as their bodies ground together. His hands were on her hips helping to move her on him. And she couldn't control her moaning. She had never felt anyone like this. He was deeper inside her mind and body than any lover she had ever had before.

He whispered little complements to her telling her how beautiful she was and how good she felt. She felt herself orgasm sliding her body down onto him and gazing into his eyes. But this event was hardly over. Elliot rolled her over onto her back and moved her hips down against his pelvic bone. Then she moaned as she felt him slide back inside her. This time his movements were much stronger and faster. She felt him deeper inside her with each thrust. He moved his hands all over her body. And teased her gently gliding his tongue across the bare skin of her neck, collar bone and chest as he stared into her eyes.

She could hear her voice calling out soft little "yes, yes, yeses" and "oh, baby" and cooing a dozen other verbal releases of pleasure. She clawed at his back, careful not to leave any marks as he moved faster inside her bringing her closer to the edge. Her breathing was heavy as she gasped "harder, harder," and stared deep into his eyes. Each move he made inside her caused a short little jolt moving the entire bed and they could hear the headboard tap against the wall. She usually was not at all excited by rough sex. But with Elliot she fully trusted him, knowing he would never hurt her. This made it easier for her to allow him to experiment with sex. And it was like she could not get enough of him, she wanted him all of the time.

Not to mention he was moaning a lot this time and the fact that he was so into it was really a turn on for her. She wanted to please him, to be the only one thing in the world that he desired. As much as it was dangerous, part of her knew that risk was part of what made this forbidden affair so hot. Olivia opened her eyes and stared into the blue of his eyes, she could tell he was getting close. They stared at each other as she felt him come inside her and she soon followed.

"That was the single most satisfying sexual experience of my life," she mumbled out of breath as he fell onto the bed beside her.

"Really?" He asked looking at her.

"Really," she whispered kissing his lips as he wrapped his arms around her.

"You're not mad at me for initiating it?"

Olivia looked at him still recovering from her state of ecstasy, "I couldn't be mad about that if I tried."

She settled against him in her bed as they kissed each other passionately. For the next hour, they laid there together in the dark just kissing and touching each other. Looking at things they hadn't been allowed to see before. Then as they laid together about to fall asleep Olivia looked at him and asked…

"What are you going to tell Kathy when she asks why you didn't come home tonight?"

"I'm not sure. I guess I will just tell her we ended up working late and crashed in the crib."

Olivia raised up on his chest and kissed his lips as she looked into his eyes. "Are we really going to do this?"

"I think so," Elliot replied kissing her again.

She sighed and nestled in against him. "We are in so much trouble if anyone ever finds out."

"Yeah," he replied.

What was once so innocent had just become much more complicated.


	4. 4 Addict

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Four: Addict)_

The sneaking around never really bothered her, it was all of the time between their moments together that made it hard to sleep at night. When Elliot would call Kathy and argue with her over having to work late again, then hang up the phone and lay back down on the couch to hold Olivia. When he would spend the evening with her wine and a romantic dinner and make love to her passionately for hours on end. Then after a few hours of sleeping next to and holding her so tight, he would leave her alone and go home to Kathy. Sometimes she almost felt like it was her he was cheating on.

They were so passionate and strong when they were together. Not just in bed, but as a team. They knew each other inside and out and she had never had that with anyone before. Sometimes they could just look at each other from across the room and it was like they carried on complete conversations by staring into each other's eyes.

If they were not given opportunity to be alone they would create it. For instance tonight at a dinner party held for Casey at the home of the D.A, after she won a big case landing her a raise. Olivia wore a little black dress that Elliot could not seem to keep his hands out from under. He had slid his hand under her skirt at least a dozen times during dinner caressing her thigh with his fingers and brushing the top of her stocking, teasing her. He knew she couldn't resist his touch in any way he would give it to her. Luckily no one else had any idea what was going on under the long table cloth. There were several different people standing in the front of the room making long boring speeches and spilling all of the legal jargon they could to try to impress each other with stories of past cases. Olivia felt a little guilty that she was obviously having a much better time than Casey was. But it didn't stop them.

And no one noticed as she gasped for air and placed her wine glass to her lips as he rounded his hand to the inside of her thigh and slid down under the thin elastic band of her bikini underwear and pushed two of his fingers inside of her. It had become like a game to him. To see how far they could go without anyone finding out, how far he could push her right there in front of everyone knowing how hard it was for her not to scream out or moan in ecstasy right there at the dinner table.

She put up with it for a little while. But the truth was more than she hated that he risked them like his, she found it exciting. Infact she loved it. And they always had the most amazing sex afterward. Olivia sat up and placed her hand on the dining table as she felt his fingers stroke her in just the right spot. She looked at him with an intoxicated sort of look in her eyes and began to slide down a little in her chair. She closed her eyes for a moment hoping no one would notice, but hoping he wouldn't stop. She picked up her glass and took a long sip of the sweet red wine then placed the glass against the table once more.

Olivia turned her head to look at Elliot as she rolled her eyes for a moment, he knew she was getting so close. She reached over and slowly moved her hand around to the inside of his leg as she stared into his eyes and squirmed in her chair. She could feel that he wanted her, too. She arched her back in the chair and slid her chair out as she stood up and rushed out of the room. Elliot just sat there looking at all of the people at their table staring at him.

"She had a little too much wine," Elliot said calmly. "I'd better go check on her."

He left the table and stumbled into the hallway in search of her. At the at the end of the hall was a small bathroom. Elliot noticed the light on and the door was not quite pulled shut all the way. As he approached it he could see her standing near the sink. He pushed the door open and walked in behind her, closing and locking the door behind him.

He stood behind her staring her down in the mirror as he kissed her neck and shoulders and moved his hands above the dress feeling her breasts and waist. She moaned softly, that was the one she had been holding in all evening.

Elliot wrapped one arm around her waist pulling her body tight against his and she could feel his erection through their clothing. He slid his other hand across her neck to turn her jaw to the side to kiss her passionately. She tasted like wine. He moved hard against her for a few minutes as they were both breathing heavily. Then reached under her skirt and dropped her panties to the floor.

Olivia stepped out of the black lacy panties leaving them there on the floor between her feet. Elliot moved his hand slowly down her leg as she quivered to his touch and watched his every move in the mirror. He placed his hand on her ankle and pulled it up and laid it on the counter beside her.

She now stood on one foot wearing nothing but the little black dress, stockings and stiletto heels as he ran his hand up her long leg. His fingers touched the elastic of her stocking again and seemed to kind of dance there for a second as he stared into her eyes through the mirror. He let go of her leg only long enough to unzip his pants and allow them to drop to the floor. He pulled the dress up behind her and slid inside her body.

Olivia tipped her head back leaning it against his chest as she moaned once more. He put a hand back on her waist and pulled her hips into him. His other hand caressed the long leg stretched in front of him on the counter then made its way up her thigh until she could no longer see it, but could feel everywhere his fingers touched.

She moaned and panted heavily as he thrust from behind her. Before long he was moaning, too. It was incredibly hot. There was a moment he thought for sure they would have been heard so he let go of her waist just long enough to flip the switch and turn the vent on to try and cover their noise.

Olivia placed one of her hands on the counter in front of her to help steady them and bent the other arm back around his neck as he kissed her lips and they moaned together. Elliot then placed both of his hands on her waist focusing on his thrusts. She leaned her back against his chest as he thrust forward pressing her hard between him and the counter, her leg still up on the counter.

After a few more minutes, Elliot had to look at her. He stopped and turned her around sitting her on the counter and gazing into her eyes. He unzipped the back of the dress and slid the straps off her shoulders so he could explore her chest. He leaned her back until her head was against the mirror kissing her hard and fast. The dress was now down around her waist as he slid her hips to the edge of the counter so he could enter her again. He pulled her up to his waist and put himself inside her, then cupped his hands and slid them under her ass so he could pull her into him as he thrust inside her. She stared into his eyes and caressed his face as she kissed him and sucked on his tongue.

He could tell they were both getting close and he pulled her chest against his as she wrapped her arm around his neck and kissed him with strong sexy kisses. She gasped and moaned into his mouth as he thrust harder and faster into her until he felt him self come hard. He continued to thrust deep into her until she whimpered out a moan of ecstasy into his ear and he felt her come to. He stared into her eyes as they tried to catch their breath. His first thought as he thrust into her once more was, my wife would never let me fuck her like that.

It almost pained them to separate their bodies. She pulled up the front of her dress as he zipped it and handed her the black lace bikini underwear he had practically ripped off of her when this escapade first began. He brushed sweat from her forehead and she smiled as he kissed her again. He washed his hands and face to try to cool down and rid himself of sweat. The she slid in front of him sitting once more on the counter and re-tied his tie for him.

"There," she said sweetly as she stared at him with adoring eyes.

He smiled back at her and kissed her lips. "Thanks baby," he replied as he combed his fingers through her hair. He placed his hands on the sides of her face and nodded his head. Then kissed her once more and walked out of the bathroom.

She took a deep breath and stared at herself in the mirror. She exhaled deeply then turned out the light and headed back to the dining room.

That night as they stumbled clumsily up the stairs to her apartment and rustled with the key while making out. She began to wonder what it was about him she needed so much. As soon as they got inside the apartment he locked the door and picked her up and carried her off to the bedroom to make love again.

He tossed her down on the bed and crawled over the top of her unzipping the dress and tossing it aside. He kissed and sucked on her breasts before moving down and removing her black lace panties for the second time that night and tossing them aside as well. He quickly made his way free of his suit and tie, then he was on top of her and inside her once more.

She couldn't help herself, she couldn't resist him. He was like a drug to her now and she was addicted. No man had ever pleased her the way that he did. And she couldn't remember any lover she had ever had that was able to make her orgasm every single time they had sex. With Elliot it was easy, it was like he didn't even have to try. Sometimes he would make her come two or three times in the same love making session. And her orgasms with him were so much stronger and better than anything she had ever felt before.

Sometimes he would barely touch her and she could feel her body tremble in extreme pleasure, knowing that all it would take was a really good kiss to send her over the edge. She wondered if she was that good for him too.

She was trying to think, but her head quickly became foggy. He had her on the edge again. He was the perfect combination of smooth movements and roughness. And she felt herself anticipating their release with every move he made inside her. It was like she ached for him, deep inside. And he was the only one who knew how to ease her pain. She had never felt greater pleasure in her life than when he made love to her.

She felt her body reacting to his and she moaned loudly as he thrust deeper into her. That was it. It was like every moment in her life centered around that second, that moment when he set her free. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his chest as he lowered himself onto her kissing her slowly and looking into her eyes.

He rolled over beside her in the bed and she turned into him placing her head against his chest as he kissed the top of her head. She felt warm tears as they fell from her eyes and tried to wipe them before he noticed. This happened sometimes with him. They would have amazing sex then she would lay there with so much emotion pent up inside her she didn't know what to do. She would only let a tear or two fall before she gained control of herself. Then she could close her eyes tight and try to memorize the way his arms felt around her body, knowing that in the morning he would be gone. Back to his wife. And she would be alone again. In desperate need of her drug. Waiting for another hit.


	5. 5 Tears Before Dawn

_**In Too Deep**_

_**(Chapter Five: Tears Before Dawn)**_

**A few hours later Olivia opened her eyes as he slid out from under her gently and climbed out of the bed. She watched quietly as he stumbled around in the dark and she waited for the inevitable. Elliot put his clothes back on and turned to look over his shoulder at her as she stared up at him. He smiled his sexy smile and sat on the edge of the bed to kiss her passionately once more. He pulled back and stared into her eyes as he twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. **

"**I have to…" he began.**

"**I know," she said softly. "El?"**

"**Yeah, baby." He replied.**

"**What do you tell her?" She almost whispered in the dark. "When you leave here after being with me and go home to her smelling like sex and my perfume. What do you tell her? She can't be completely clueless."**

**He just turned and stared at her for a minute. "I don't tell her anything. She doesn't know. I go home and take a shower before I get into bed. She doesn't know."**

**She pulled her knees to her chest and stared at the floor. "What is it like with her?" She asked calmly.**

"**Olivia, don't." He said almost snapping at her.**

"**Well, you still sleep with her don't you?" **

"**Look, I don't come here to discuss my wife with you."**

**She just stared at him and couldn't believe he was talking to her this way. "Right," she said rolling over in the bed and laying her head against the pillow. "You already got what you came here for."**

"**Don't be that way," he replied feeling a little guilty for hurting her. He stood up and walked across the room toward the door. He turned back to look at her laying there and was sure she was crying. "You knew what this was when it began. You cannot be angry with me for leaving at the end of the night."**

**She sat up in the bed and just stared at him. She pulled the sheet around her and stood up walking toward the bathroom.**

"**Olivia?" He asked grabbing her arm, but she pulled away from him.**

"**Don't touch me." She scowled at him. **

**Elliot placed a hand on each of her arms and backed her up to look at her. He couldn't stand to leave her this way. "Liv?" He raised his voice and startled them both.**

**She stood still and stared at him with tears rolling down both cheeks. "You are an asshole!" She yelled.**

**He reached to put his hand on her cheek, but she pushed him hard away from her.**

"**I never ask you to stay, Elliot! And I never ask you to leave!" She shouted at him.**

**Elliot knew she was talking about him leaving his wife.**

**She stood quiet for a minute, then brushed her hand across her face and started to talk again. "I just stand here and wait for you. And pine for you and cry for you some nights here alone, because you are home in bed with her. Where you should be. Yes, I knew what this was when it started. And I walked into it with my eyes open. I let it get out of control and got consumed by this imaginary world, where everything is alright as long as I have you. But I will never really have you! Not the way I want you. So you go, take your clothes and your things and go home to her. Tell her whatever gets you through another night. But don't come back. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I can't sit here for hours on end waiting and wanting you, just to give you up again every night." Her face was sad and tear stained as she handed him his jacket.**

"**Olivia," he said shaking his head in disbelief. **

"**I said go," she said softly refusing to look at him. But he just stood there staring at her. "Go," she shouted. "Get out, get the hell out!" She pushed against his back with her hands moving him down the hallway and out her apartment door. She threw his jacket out behind him and slammed the door. She stood there for a second leaned against the inside of the door still wrapped in the comfort of her white cotton bed sheet. Then she burst into tears and dropped to the floor crying. It was killing her to lose him, but it was killing her to let him stay. She was in a lose-lose situation and this was her only way out. She was just going to have to hurt for a while.**

**After a few minutes she stood on her weak and trembling knees and walked back toward the bedroom. But the room seemed so empty and lonely now. She grabbed her pillow and settled in on her sofa for the rest of the night as she cried herself to sleep. **


	6. 6 Confidant

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Six: Confidant)_

Olivia opened her eyes one at a time to face the sun glaring through her living room window. Her head was pounding. She had cried so much the night before that she almost felt hung over now. Her first thought was to call in sick to work, but then she would be stuck here sitting around this empty apartment alone all day. She took a deep breath and stood up. She walked to the kitchen and pushed to button to start the coffee then dragged herself down the hall to the shower.

She stood under the hot water until it ran cold. Then reached down and shut it off, tossed a towel around her and stepped into the steam filled bathroom trying to make her way to the mirror. Olivia wiped the steam from the glass with a hand towel then stared into her own reflection. Part of her had wanted so badly to see his figure appear behind her in the mirror. But it didn't happen. She looked at her face still a little puffy and tear stained from the night before. Why did doing the right thing have to hurt so bad?

Olivia took a deep breath and shut off the light as she stumbled down the hall and into her bedroom. She turned quickly to the closet, refusing to even look at the empty bed behind her. She riffled through the clothes hanging there until she settled on a pair of comfortable jeans and a dressy sweater. She put them on, poured herself a cup of coffee and grabbed her keys and headed out the door to greet the day ahead of her.

Elliot was still being an asshole of course. He couldn't just leave it alone. He sat at the desk across from her staring her down practically demanding she look at him. God he could be such a stubborn prick! She exhaled loudly but said nothing and didn't give him the satisfaction of sending even a tiny glance his way. Two could play this game. Days like today she would pay Cragen to send her to court! She would take a long boring day on the stand over him staring a hole through her head any day.

She got up and walked over to the coffee pot to pour herself another cup of coffee. Elliot walked over behind her, but before he could say anything she turned and quickly walked away. Olivia returned to her desk and pretended to read through a file in front of her. She couldn't concentrate. Not with him staring at her. She hated not being able to talk to him. Infact if had she been having this trouble with any other man he is the one she would be talking to about it. But now he was the guy she was having troubles with and she was left to face this one on her own.

Cragen walked out of his office with a message in his hand. "Fin, I got a lead on that case you and Munch have been on, I want you guys to go check it out." Olivia raised her head to look at Fin, lucky, he got to go out and do something, anything and she was stuck here in hell with Elliot burning holes into the top of her skull.

"Cap, Munch ain't back yet. He's still in court."

"I'll go," Olivia said standing up to seize the opportunity. Thank you John Munch!

"Fine. Fin you and Benson check it out. Let me know what you find. If you locate him, tail him. I don't want to lose him again!"

"What about me Captain?" Elliot asked.

"Be ready, if they find anything before Munch gets back you will pair up with me and we'll try to take him down. I want this done quickly and neatly people, no mistakes! It's time to work your magic!"

Fin and Olivia arrived outside their suspects home, but no one was there. They circled the block and grabbed a couple of cups of coffee and parked down the street to wait for him to come home so they wouldn't tip him off. They sat in the car trying to make small talk but Fin could tell her mind was someplace else.

"So, what's up with you and Elliot?"

"What?" She asked as her heart almost stopped beating completely.

"I'm not blind. He's been staring you down and you're ignoring him completely. You two have a little lover's quarrel?"

Olivia turned to look at him with shock in her eyes. How could he know? She stared at him as tears started to build up behind her big brown eyes.

"Relax, Liv. It was a joke," Fin said trying to cover up the fact that he had very obviously just stumbled across something.

They sat quiet for a minute. "How did you know?" She asked quietly.

"It was just a joke really. I had no idea, until you looked at me like that. How long has it been going on?"

"Off and on for almost three years," she whispered looking out the window. She felt like she was in confession. As much as she hated to admit her sins to anyone, it felt good to finally be able to get them off her chest and have someone to talk to.

"He's a married man, Liv."

"I know," she sobbed.

"This is never going to get easy on you. Did he hurt you?"

Olivia turned her eyes to look into Fin's. "Elliot would never hurt me."

"What do you think he is doing now? You are sitting here crying, because he is hurting you."

She took a deep breath, her heart was breaking.

"It has been going on three years and he is still with her, Liv he is never going to leave."

"I knew that when it started," she replied softly. "I know, I got what I was asking for right? That's what happens when you sleep with a married man."

"Who broke it off?"

"I did, last night."

"Good girl. Liv, this is tough, but you are doing the right thing." Fin placed a hand on her shoulder. "And I am here anytime you need someone to talk to or vent to or whatever."

"Thanks, Fin." She looked at him and sighed. "I know you probably think that I…"

"Liv, I'm not judging you," he interrupted her. "You have your reasons for what you do. I've been there before and it ain't an easy place to be."

She turned her head to look at him. "You had an affair with a married woman?"

"Not exactly. I cheated on my wife. It was years ago, but I did it. She was a girl I grew up with. It went on for a few months. I loved her. But I loved my wife, too. I'm not trying to make excuses here. But this situation is difficult from all sides."

"What happened?"

"I finally got the nerve to end it. I broke her heart. I felt guilty and told my wife the truth. She left my ass."

"I'm sorry."

"Na, that was what needed to be done. She wasn't happy. I wasn't happy or I wouldn't have been sleeping around. That was what was right in my case. But it will eat at you and eat at you until you do something about it."

"I know," she said as she took a deep breath. "I don't want to hurt anyone, I never wanted that. But I love him, I have for as long as I can remember. And that is the part that hurts the most. Knowing that I will never have him. Not all of him, like she does. I guess for a while I figured as long as I had part of him it was okay. But it only left me wanting more. It is so hard to walk away."

Fin looked at her for a minute then turned his attention back to the house. They had now been sitting in front of it for hours. "This fool ain't coming back any time soon. I think we can head back to the station and check in on him again tomorrow."

They pulled up at the station and stepped into the parking garage elevator.

"Fin," she said as the doors closed leaving them alone for a moment.

"Yeah?"

"No one knows about Elliot and I."

"You're secret is safe with me."

She looked at him and smiled. "Thanks," she said as the doors opened to their floor and they headed back to work.


	7. 7 The Middle Of Nowhere

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Seven: The Middle Of Nowhere)_

Three weeks had passed and they had been so busy at work with this case that Olivia had successfully managed to avoid speaking to Elliot about anything but work. Things had pretty much calmed between them and although she still found it hard to go to bed every night alone she was confident she was doing the right thing. Her life was finally starting to seem like it was back on track.

She walked into the office with a smile on her face. She dropped her things at her desk and poured herself a cup of coffee. She had spent most of the night laying in bed thinking about the case of all things and had a few ideas that might actually help them catch this guy.

Olivia sat at her desk reviewing all of her notes on the case since she had joined Fin in trying to capture the suspect three weeks earlier. This man had been able to avoid capture this long and now they were all working the case. Elliot walked in about ten minutes late and dropped his suit jacket over the back of his chair.

"What are you so chipper about?" He asked with tired eyes.

"Nothing, I just think I may have found something that could help us on this case." Olivia moved around behind him and leaned across him to show him a highlighted passage in her notes.

Elliot pretended to read the words she was pointing to, but he was distracted when the scent of her sweet perfume caught his nose. He knew these past few weeks hadn't been easy on her, but they weren't exactly easy on him either. He missed her. All of her. He missed his friend and his lover. He missed the way they used to talk in the car and the sound of her laugh. He missed the way she felt in him arms and the way they used to just curl up together on the couch and stare at each other for hours. She was an amazing woman, no matter how you knew her. And now he had screwed it all up. He lost her. He was in love with her, as impossible as it seemed. He cared for Kathy, loved her, but he was in love with Olivia, too. It was complicated and he knew she would never believe him, never trust him the same way ever again. Elliot breathed in deep allowing the smell of her to surround him, almost intoxicating him. She smelled like a warm musk and her hair smelled of wild flowers from her shampoo. God how could he have screwed this up so badly?

"Elliot?" She asked staring down at him with her beautiful brown eyes.

This was the first time she had really let him look into them in weeks. They were more than brown, chocolate really with hints of gold and green. He had never seen eyes like hers and they had such a power over him. "Yeah," he replied having no clue what he was agreeing to.

"Elliot? I said Munch and Fin left already, don't you think we should go?"

"Yeah," he repeated grabbing the car keys and they were out the door.

The next few hours were a blur, sitting in the car next to her wanting so badly to talk to her or touch her or kiss her, knowing that any move he made would only make things worse. Elliot sat in the drivers seat eating sunflower seeds and spitting the shells out the window.

Olivia pretended not to notice even though this was a habit of his that drove her crazy. She chewed at her nail bit for a few minutes, nervously then sat up in her seat.

"El…" she said tapping his shoulder. "El, that's him."

Elliot looked up as she pointed across the street at a man getting into a parked car. A few minutes later another man climbed into the passengers seat. They had about a five minute conversation then the second man got out and walked off. Munch and Fin were waiting to pick him up for questioning half a block away.

Elliot pulled the car out slowly and followed the man downtown. They drove about ten miles before the man realized they were tailing him and started a high speed chase. They followed him for about twenty minutes before the car took off down by the river. Elliot followed close behind him in their car. The man slid through an alleyway hitting garbage cans and whatever else was in his way.

Elliot cut around the building where he was sure the car would exit. They got on the scene just in time to watch the car lose control and crash through a fence and into the river. Olivia called for a bus as Elliot watched the water to see if the man would surface, but he never did.

Hours later the car was pulled from the bottom of the river, completely empty. There was no body inside. The teams dragged the river for two days, but somehow the man managed to escape them. Now they were right back where they started.

It took them two more weeks to get a hit on a delivery of Cocaine coming in that they knew this man had an investment on. Their informant (the second man from the car) didn't give them much, only that he was to pick up the package and distribute the goods in the park. He would wait on a bench and his partner would come to him. He didn't even know for sure what day the man would show up to get his drugs. So they were set out on yet another stake out.

It was now day three of a long week and no sign of a weekend anytime soon. Olivia had just come home and checked her mail as she heard a knock on her door. Only one person knocked on her door. She took a deep breath as she flipped through bills and junk mail and made her way to the door. It was Elliot, of course standing there with a stupid look on his face. She almost hated him right now.

"What?" She asked clearly voicing her annoyance.

"Cragen is starting the stake out tonight. Munch and Fin are already out, we got two other cars."

"Let me grab my keys," she said as she tossed the pile of mail on the counter and slid her shoes back on. And she had just been about to pour herself a glass of wine.

They sat quietly in the car as he drove. She wasn't paying any attention to him at all just flipping through stations on the radio, but he had grown quite used to this over the last few weeks. Elliot pulled into a secluded spot and shut off the ignition. Olivia shut the power off on the radio and looked around them.

"Elliot, where the hell are we?"

"We're at the park."

"I can't see anything from here, how are we supposed to get anything accomplished?"

"If I pull up to the site he will see us and run. I figured we would wait here for a signal and go in on foot."

She glared at him. Whatever. She almost didn't care anymore.

"Olivia…"

"Look just because we are sitting her alone in the car doesn't mean you have to talk to me," she snapped trying to get comfortable in her seat. It was going to be a long night.

"Would you listen to me? Just for five minutes. Just let me talk to you without you snapping or yelling or running away from me? I'm sorry! Okay. I know this whole thing has been hard on you. But it wasn't exactly easy on me either!"

"Please! Tell me what part was so hard on you? You go home and have your perfect little family. And then you come back to me and we have sex and then you go back home to her every night and climb into bed with her. At some point impregnating her again! And the next night you are back in bed with me again. What is so hard Elliot? You had the best of both worlds! What was it getting hard to come up with excuses to get out of diaper duty? Or were you running out of reasons you couldn't come home until three o'clock in the morning? Because I am just dying to know exactly what was so hard on you?"

He just stared at her. Obviously she had this anger built up inside her for some time now.

"It was hard to be with you. To be happy with you. To be in love with you. To have romantic evenings and make love for hours and to hold you and feel how amazing you felt in my arms, knowing that in just a few hours I had to give you up and go back to her."

Olivia stared at him with tears in her eyes, but didn't say anything. He had never told her that he was in love with her before now.

"Liv, I sit at home and watch my kids playing in the yard and feel guilty. Not because I was involved with you. But because I didn't meet you twenty years earlier. I know with every part of me, that if I had met you before Kathy I never would have married her. I wouldn't have any of my kids. And it just makes me so angry sometimes. That fate has this sick sense of humor." She looked at Elliot confused and noticed the tears in his eyes. "What the hell good does it do to finally find your soul mate, your one true love, if you can't be with her?"

Olivia felt almost sick as she felt the tears roll from her face. Elliot looked at her and took her hand. "I love being with you. But I will always have responsibilities to her. She is the mother of my children and that won't ever change. If I left them, it would tear my kids lives apart. I don't stay because I don't want to be with you, Olivia. I stay, because it is the only way I can be with them. If I left her, she would take my children away from me."

She sniffled and opened the door to the car. She had to get some air. She got out and walked a circle around the car before Elliot stepped out. He stood in front of her and looked into her tear filled eyes as he wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. Olivia took a deep breath and leaned in to him. He held her tight in his arms and she pressed her face into his shirt and breathed him in. She held her head against his chest and closed her eyes as he held her tight. She had missed him so much. She hated hating him. Elliot placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and she raised her eyes to look into his. He slid his thumb gently across her lips, then kissed her. Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her as she kissed him passionately back. And just like that, he had pulled her back in. This relationship was far from over. She didn't know if it would ever really be over, but for now he held her tight and somehow that made everything okay again.

When she finally pulled her lips from his she looked down at the car they were leaned against.

"We better get back inside, before we miss Fin's signal." She said pulling herself free from his arms.

"Liv," Elliot said pulling her back toward him, "don't be mad."

"What?" She asked.

"We are not actually on the stake out tonight. We have tomorrow night. I just knew you wouldn't talk to me or listen to me. I had to get you alone."

She raised her hand to him to register what he had just said to her. "So you dragged me all the way out here in the middle of nowhere Riverside Park just to talk to me? Elliot, what if we had blown their stake out?"

Elliot laughed. "That wouldn't have happened."

"Why not?"

He took her by the hand and lead her through the bushes. "Because, we are in the middle of nowhere Central Park," he said pointing at a sign a few yards away.

"Elliot…"

"Don't be mad," he said wrapping his arms around her to kiss her again. "You were so busy ignoring me you didn't pay any attention to where I drove."

Olivia looked at him and they both laughed for a moment. Elliot raised her hand and placed his against it as he looked into her eyes. "I missed you," he said.

"I missed you, too." She whispered.

"Liv, I love you."

She felt her heart ache as he said the words she had waited so long to hear, she knew this would never be easy. She took a deep breath for courage and exhaled slowly. "I love you, too." She said softly as she placed another kiss on his lips. Some things will always be complicated.


	8. 8 Confessions Of A Sinner

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Eight: Confessions Of A Sinner)_

"What?" Olivia shot a glare at Fin from across the coffee pot.

"Nothing," he replied.

"Bullshit, you have been staring at me all day. If you have something to say just say it. You obviously have something on your mind!" Olivia snapped at him.

Fin grabbed her arm and pulled her into the hall. "I thought this thing between you and Elliot was over," he said staring at her.

"Don't look at me like that! It's complicated!"

"It isn't that complicated, Olivia. Is it over? Or isn't it?"

"I…." Olivia took a deep breath and twitched her nose as she tried to avoid eye contact with him.

"You slept with him?"

Her eyes dashed immediately to meet his. "Well, not exactly. I mean slept, yes. We were together, but no sex…. Yet. Is it that obvious?"

"Not really. I am just getting really good at reading your looks. And you are forgetting I have been through this myself."

"Look, I know what I am doing is wrong. Infact, I have probably just secured my seat in Hell. But I love him, Fin. And until there is a more honest way for us to be together, I guess this is the only way."

"Are you sure you know what you are doing?"

"No. But, somehow it always seems to work out. I mean…. We get together and we are amazing together. Then one of us….me….. Starts to feel guilty and that usually leads to some terrible break up. But somehow, we always seem to work it out and get back together. I need him, Fin. No one has ever had a hold on me the way that he does."

Olivia, I know you care about him. And I know he cares about you. But isn't it a little selfish of him to keep you on the side like this. If he loves you, he shouldn't have to hide you. It isn't fair for him to set you up like that, Liv. You deserve more."

She took a deep breath and exhaled her annoyance in his direction. He was right of course and she didn't want to admit it. "Like I said, it's complicated!" Olivia turned to walk back in to her desk.

"Love should be easy, Liv." Fin called to her as she walked away from him. She stopped and just stood for a second to think about what he said. "It should make you smile, uncontrollably all of the time. Not walk around with this look of concern, you have had lately."

She stood there for a moment with her back to him, then felt his hand squeeze her shoulder. She nodded her head then turned her eyes to meet his. "I know," she said softly. Fin smiled and opened the door for her as they walked back in to get some work done. Obviously she was stumbling through this blind. He was going to have to look out for her.

That night Olivia sat at the bar in a elegant restaurant. She wore a sexy white floor length dress that showed off her figure well and strappy heels that made her long legs appear even longer. It had spaghetti straps and a slit in the side that showed just enough thigh. Her hair was twisted up and pinned with just a few strands hanging down around her face and across the back of her neck.

She sat drinking her usual, vodka martini with two olives, as she waited for him to arrive. It seemed like she was doing a lot if waiting lately. Olivia took a deep breath and tried not to think about the situation they were now in. All she wanted to think about was the events in store for them tonight.

Kathy had taken the kids to her mother's for the weekend and Elliot had told her about this case they had been working on and still not been able to close. So she expected him to be working all weekend. This left him all to Olivia for the from six o'clock Friday evening until two o'clock Sunday afternoon. And she had plans for him, he just didn't know it yet.

Olivia looked at her cell phone nervously. He was late, of course and she hadn't missed any calls. God help him if he stood her up! She raised her glass and took another sip trying to relax. Her only plan for tonight was to get a little tipsy, let Elliot take advantage of her numerous times and get tangled up in the sheets with the man she loved. In all this fighting it now been almost a month since they had sex and she was getting laid tonight! Infact, she had so much pent up sexual frustration it was liable to take all night to work it all out. Olivia looked down at her phone again. Come on Elliot, she thought to her self. Don't keep me waiting. She bit her lip and let her mind wander off to that dirty place in the back somewhere where she usually didn't allow it to go. She was distracted for a few moments as she dreamed up erotic things she could do to him. Places she wanted to feel his hands on her body and things she wanted him to do to her. Maybe she would just let him experiment with her, in any way he wanted.

She could fulfill some secret fantasy of his that he could never share with Kathy. Grrrr! Kathy. Olivia narrowed her eyes and glared at her now empty martini glass. It pissed her off that in the middle of her exotic fantasy session she had allowed Kathy's name to pop into her head. Sometimes she almost hated Kathy. The nerve of her. Dragging Elliot around by the balls just because she can. She didn't love him. And it was beyond obvious that he no longer had feelings or attraction to her. Why didn't she just pack her shit and leave and save them all the trouble!

Olivia exhaled loudly as she caught the bartender's eye and tapped her empty glass with her fingernail. He quickly brought her another martini and carried away the dirty glass. She picked up the tooth pick with the olives on it and swirled it in the drink.

Olivia took a sip from her glass then picked up the tooth pick and raised it to her lips sliding the first olive off into her mouth. She was starving, horny as hell and extremely annoyed by the fact that her boyfriend had left her sitting here alone for the last half hour.

She looked up from the bar as she noticed two guys in their mid twenties sitting at a table across the room drinking beers and staring hard at her. She turned her barstool to the side and crossed her leg the other direction flashing just a little more thigh in their direction. She might as well have a little fun with this.

She pressed her lips together and tilted her head slightly in their direction as she leaned over and adjust the strap on her shoe, allowing them just a glance down the top of her dress as she pretended not to notice. She could see them both lean forward praying they could see just a little more of what was hidden under the satin sequin top of her dress.

Olivia arched her back and sat slowly back up in her seat as she picked up her martini glass from the bar, pressing it gently to her lips. She was torturing them and enjoying every second of it. If Elliot didn't arrive by the end of this charade, she was seriously considering taking one of these extremely attractive young strangers home and making all of his fantasies come true. She could teach him things he never dreamed of. Over and over and over. Then Elliot would understand first hand what it is like when the one you are in love with is having sex with other people!

Olivia tipped her head to glance at the two sexy strangers over her left shoulder as she raised her bedroom eyes to stare at them, radiating pure sexual energy in their direction. She smiled a shy smile at them as she picked up the toothpick from the glass and raised it to her lips. She bit her bottom lip then pressed her lips together again as the slowly slid the olive from the tooth pick and stared back at the men.

She turned her chair back around toward the bar and finished her drink. She shifted her eyes up to stare at the reflection of the men in the mirror behind the bar and watched as they seemed to argue over which one of them had seen her first. Finally, the dark haired stranger stood up from the table and walked her way, leaving his blonde headed friend behind to sulk.

He adjusted his tie and smoothed his hands over his hair then walked confidently toward her. Olivia closed her eyes in anticipation as she felt two strong hands on her shoulders and his lips against her neck. She spun around in her chair sliding her purse over her shoulder and standing as he slid his arm around her leading her toward the dining room. Olivia leaned in and kissing him passionately. Then glanced over her shoulder at the two sexy strangers still in shock as Elliot lead her back to their table.


	9. 9 All Through The Night

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Nine: All Through The Night)_

After dinner Elliot and Olivia shared a cab back to her apartment. She sat right next to him and his hand was up the slit in her dress the entire drive as they enjoyed a steamy make out session in the back seat.

Normally the fact that there was someone seated two feet from them would embarrass her and she wouldn't allow this little public display of affection to take place. But tonight, any action was good action and she was to the point that she almost didn't care if the man in the front seat watched their entire performance as long as she got what she wanted. That might actually be kind of a turn on.

Elliot pulled back from over the top of her as the car pulled up in front of her apartment building. He tossed a twenty dollar bill through the little window to the driver and pulled her by the hand from the back of the car as they hurried up the steps in front of the building and Olivia fumbled with the key.

"You two have fun!" The driver called out the window as he drove away.

Olivia giggled as Elliot wrapped his arms around her backing her up against the outside of the door and kissed her passionately. He moved his hand up her thigh as he pulled her leg against his and reached behind her turning the key she had finally managed to get into the key hole and pushing the door open. Lucky for them the elevator was already on the ground level and the door popped open as soon as he pushed the button and backed her inside. He pushed the button for her floor and slammed her up against the back wall as they felt it moving up. They moved along the walls of the elevator kissing and touching and exploring as it went up the five floors to her apartment. By the time they reached her floor Olivia already had Elliot's pants unzipped causing him to stumble out into the hallway holding them up.

As soon as they were inside they started ripping off clothing making a trail that lead from the front door down the hall way and into the bedroom. A tie here and jacket there, shirt in the hall floor and her sexy white dress dropped in the bedroom floor. Olivia, wearing only a matching bra and panties, pushed Elliot forcefully against the bedroom wall staring at him with wild eyes.

"Now, to finish what I started in the elevator," she said pulling his belt out of his pants and tossing it into the floor.

She moved her hands over his chest as she kissed him passionately. Elliot started to wrap his arm around her.

"No." She said in a demanding voice and she shoved him against the wall again. "Tonight, I'm in charge." And with that she dropped to her knees and began to kiss down his stomach. She moved her hands around his waist and slid them down until his pants hit the floor. She moved her body slowly back up his until her lip met his in a forceful kiss.

Olivia moved her hand up to his jaw as she kissed him and lead him backward across the room then pushed him down onto the bed. She crawled across the bed until she was beside him then straddled herself across his waist and kissed him. She allowed him to move his hands over her body until she knew he could barely wait anymore. She sat up and slid his hands off her butt as she crawled down him kissing a trail down his chest and under his navel until she reached the elastic band of his boxers.

She stopped there for a moment looking up at him. The wait was killing him and she loved the torture. Now he knew exactly what she had been going through working beside him the last month and not being able to have him. She was really enjoying this control. She let her fingers dance across the ticklish skin of his waist as she dragged them back and forth across the area causing him to tremble and goose bumps appeared.

Olivia lowered her head and kissed him there as she slid her hand under his boxers caressing his penis. She then pulled down his boxers as she laid her warm body next to his. She gave him a sexy look and a devilish grin as she moved slowly down and placed her mouth over his penis.

Elliot trembled and moaned and ran his fingers through her hair as she proceeded to give him the best blow job he had ever had. She was so slow and precise and warm and amazing. Elliot leaned his head back and moved his fingertips across her shoulders and down her spine as he closed his eyes and just took in the feeling of her as she worked her magic. They had never been like this before tonight. He couldn't even remember the last time he had a blow job. Probably back in the early days with Kathy before the babies and mood swings and she became a dried up shrew. She was such a bitch now. She hadn't even touched him in months, yet if she found out he was getting it somewhere else he knew she would have the nerve to act surprised. But even in her best moments, Kathy could not even compare to Olivia.

Okay, he had to focus. Elliot brushed his thumb against her chin and placed his hand over the back of her head guiding it gently up and down on him. She raised up and looked into his eyes as she trailed her tongue gently over the tip of his penis. Elliot felt his body quiver as she lowered her mouth back onto him and continued. He tangled his fingers in her hair once more as he leaned back across the bed and just enjoyed her. He was going to have to do something really amazing to repay her for this.

Elliot moaned and leaned forward again as he felt himself getting close. He stroked the side of her face with his hand. "Baby, I'm gonna…"

She raised her eyes up to look at him again. "Yeah?" She whispered in a sexy voice moving her hand slowly over his penis.

"Yeah," he gasped. And she lowered her mouth over him again. God she was so good, Elliot thought as he tipped his head back and moaned as he came in her mouth. Olivia moaned a little as she turned her head and wiped her lip. This wasn't something she really enjoyed doing. But she wanted to know that she was the only thought in his mind. She would have done anything for him.

She sat in the floor for a few minutes, then moved up beside him in the bed and kissed up his chest. She stared lovingly into his eyes and Elliot leaned in to kiss her. He turned her over and kissed down her body as he ran his fingers over it softly. His touch was enough to make her moan aloud and he kissed her chest as he pulled her bra off and threw if behind him. He laid over her as he kissed her chest and caressed her breasts with his hands.

He watched her eyes for that flame he always found there. Then flicked his tongue over her nipples causing another seductive moan. She tipped her head allowing her hair to fall around her in the bed. Elliot moved his hand on her breasts again as he placed kisses across her rib cage and down to her belly. As he pulled her panties off and dropped them to the floor.

Olivia giggled as he moved his tongue over her navel and down as he disappeared under the sheet. She felt her back arch in reaction to him as his face brushed the inside of her thigh and his warm tongue entered her. She sighed and moaned tipping her head back against the pillow as a rush of heat passed over her body and she trembled. She moved her hand down and twirled her fingers in his short hair, she had to be touching him. She began to moan again and gasp a she felt herself orgasm and he began to kiss up her belly. Moments later he reappeared from under the sheet and she felt his penis hard inside her.

Right now she was glad she had waited for him. She was happy to be with someone who knew her body and what she wanted and needed from sex. Someone who knew exactly the right place to touch inside her. She was glad she wasn't having to show some sexy young stranger how to handle a real woman.

She moaned and moved against the bed as Elliot raised one of her legs and placed it over his shoulder. That was such a good idea, she thought to herself as he moved harder and faster and deeper inside her. God she had missed his touch.

Elliot moved his face in to stare into her eyes as he brought her to a very obvious and extremely loud orgasm. But he wasn't finished yet. He kept going. He pulled out of her for a moment and moved her to sit up on him in the bed. Now they were staring into each others eyes as he placed his hands on her butt and she could feel him moving inside of her.

Apparently this position was good for them both because a few minutes later they were both on the edge once more. Olivia leaned all the way back against the bed as Elliot pulled her waist down moving her closer against him and he laid over her thrusting harder and faster in her until they both reached their climax and he laid across her sweat covered body.

Elliot rolled over beside her in the bed as they both tried to catch their breath. Olivia took a deep breath and laughed as she laid her head against his chest. "That was…"

"Wow," Elliot cut her off.

She giggled. "Yeah, that is what I was thinking," she said as she kissed his chest and he twisted his fingers in her hair again. "I guess we had a lot built up in a month."

"Yeah," Elliot said as he cupped his hand against the side of her face and kissed her. "Baby, that was incredible."

"Ummm," she moaned as she stretched and yawned. "Give me a few hours and we can do it again."

"Oh really?"

"Well, yeah. We have a lot to make up for."

Elliot laughed as he kissed her lips and they settled in for a couple hours sleep and a long weekend in bed.


	10. 10 Goodbye, My Love

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Ten: Goodbye, My Love)_

Neither of them was ready to part when Sunday rolled around. Elliot had promised Kathy that he would be there when she returned home with the kids, but that wasn't the first promise he didn't keep to her. He called and gave her some story about having to go in and get a few things done before he would be home. Really the only thing he was doing, was Olivia.

They didn't get out of bed until after noon. Making love three times before he got up to make her brunch as she took a shower. Elliot felt bad that he was sneaking around on Kathy and lying to her and his kids. But he hadn't been this happy in years. It wasn't just the sex with Olivia. The sex was better than it had ever been with anyone else, but there was so much more. She understood him. She believed in him and she listened to him. Sometimes she knew him better than he knew himself. They could just glance at each other and hold entire conversations in just one look.

He never would have let things go this far with her if things between he and Kathy were not already finished. They were more like roommates than lovers or husband and wife and it had been like this for a long time. Elliot often found himself hoping that he would find out she had been seeing someone else, so that he could take the easy way out of the marriage and end it on her terms.

If Kathy moved on, she would be more likely to work with him on custody issues. But if she found out he had an affair, especially with Olivia, she would be pissed off and let her anger and emotion toward him effect her judgment for sure. Kathy didn't love him anymore and he didn't love her, not the way they used to be in love. He used to see himself in her eyes when he held her and feel how much she wanted him when they touched. Now they barely brushed each other passing in the hall and if he tried to put his arm around her or show any affection she would either snap at him or simply say she wasn't in the mood. It was as if his mere presence pissed her off. Nobody could live like that, he thought to himself as he heard Olivia's shower shut off and he poured her a cup of coffee.

She entered the room wearing a pair of tight jeans and a tank top and she had her wet hair pulled back in a towel. "Thank you," she said smiling as he passed her the coffee cup. She was always so sweet and nice to him. Well, not always. But most of the time. There were times when he would piss her off and she would snap or yell at him, but he almost always deserved it and she couldn't stay angry with him for more than a few hours. She had him beat, though. He couldn't stay mad at her at all. Something about her had a hold on his heart. It had been this way since day one, even before he realized how stunningly attractive she was and that he was in love with her.

Olivia picked up the cup and pressed it to her lips as she took a sip o the hot liquid. She stared across the counter at him noting the look of concern on his face.

"You want to tell me what is wrong?" She said softly half knowing the answer.

Elliot looked up at her and smiled. "Nothing is wrong," he slid his hand over and laid on top of hers, "for the first time in a long time Liv, I've got things right."

She smiled back at him and stared into his eyes. "You hate this. It is eating you up," she said and he looked at her as if she had just caught him doing something illegal. "I know the feeling, Elliot. Why do you think I broke this off so many times? I love you. And I love us. But sometimes the guilt is just too much to handle and you need a break from it." She sat her coffee mug down and walked over to him. He said nothing, just stared into her eyes wondering how she could read him so well and his wife of twenty years barely knew him at all.

"I just hate lying to my kids." He replied after just staring at her for a few minutes.

"Look," she said as he pulled the towel from her hair so he could run his fingers through it, "if you want to cool it for a little while… just kind of pause things and take a break…have a little time to think or re-evaluate….I understand."

She was in his arms. Elliot had no idea how she could be so understanding. "I want this, Liv. I want you. I choose you. I just have to find a way to get rid of her without losing my kids. I know what I want, there is no need to re-evaluate anything. I'm just going to have to stand up and face this like a man and tell her the truth."

Olivia took a deep breath and pulled back from him for a second. Then looked up at him blinking her big brown eyes. "What if she takes your kids? What are you going to tell her if she asks you to choose?"

He looked at her, them both knowing the answer to her question. Olivia felt like an enormous bitch for even asking it. She would never expect him to give up his children for her. She would never accept it if her did. But part of her was in panic at the thought of losing him for good and the words slipped from her mouth before she could catch them.

"She wants me to take some vacation time. Two weeks with her and the kids, camping like we do every summer. I have been putting it off because of this, us. But I have pushed it back as far as I can without her figuring out something is up. We leave this weekend."

Olivia looked up at him partly devastated that he was leaving her to vacation with his wife and the other part in shock that he had not mentioned it before now. She bit her bottom lip as she tired to hide the look of disappointment before it crossed her face, too late. She let go of him and walked across the room to stare out the window as she felt a few tears fall.

"I don't want to go, Liv. I would much rather be here with you. But I think it would be good for my kids, especially if we end up getting a divorce to have one last family vacation to look back on."

"Yeah," she said softly unable to say anything else.

Elliot put his hand on her shoulder, but she refused to look at him. "I think I'm going to ask her for a divorce when we get back. I don't want to do it before then and ruin it for the kids or us end up fighting the entire time."

"Are you going to tell her about us?"

"No…I don't know. About the affair, maybe."

She looked up and felt a knot tighten in her stomach at the thought of being his dirty little secret. "And if you do get divorced we will have to lay low for a while to keep her from finding out about us?"

Elliot rubbed his hands over his face and exhaled as he leaned against the arm of the sofa. "Yes. That would probably be best."

Olivia turned and looked at him through tears. "What is I can't wait?" She asked as he looked concerned.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't know if I want to wait here for you for however many months it takes for this to go through and not know if or when I will see you again. I mean, maybe it would just be better if we…."

"You want to break it off? I am about to end my marriage for you and you want to break it off?"

"I didn't ask you to do this Elliot! I don't want you to do it for me! If you leave, if you end a twenty year relationship with your wife, it needs to be for you! Not for me."

He exhaled loudly and stared at the floor. She could tell he was upset with her and that was why he wasn't talking. That was his way of not arguing with her.

"Elliot, you need time to focus on what you are about to do, because it is a very big deal!" She sat on the sofa beside him. "Then when it is done and completely over. We can have a new start. With no guilt, no lies and nothing to hide. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to look at each other in public and not have to worry about who is watching? Then when you tell her you had an affair, you can honestly look at her and tell her it is over and it wont matter who it was. Elliot, I'm not going to be with anyone else, if that is what you are worried about. I just don't think you and I should be sneaking around like this when all hell breaks loose. I think you need to prioritize, here. You should never have to choose between being happy and in a loving relationship and being with your children. I would walk away before I ever made you choose. But I know that is what she is going to do and if I walk now, you wont ever have to make that decision."

He knew she was right. And it wasn't fair for him to keep her hidden away like this, she deserved a real relationship. She deserved to be someone's only one. Not someone he turned to on the side for hot sex because his wife wouldn't give it to him. Elliot loved her. But he cared enough about her to let her go.

"If I do this, if we do this….break up….I don't want to lose you, Liv. I love you. But I think you are right. And I know that you deserve more than what I am able to give you right now." He stared into her eyes as she began to cry. Elliot wrapped his arms tight around her waist and held her for a moment whispering as he held his mouth against her forehead. "You deserve an honest relationship with someone who is there for you, every time you need him. Not someone who has to slip out and leave you alone every night to run home to someone else." He turned her to look into her eyes again. "It will take a few months before this all blows over, but I want us to come back to this." he raised her chin with his finger and kissed her passionately. It felt like the first time he had kissed her, the first time she had tasted him and felt the love he held for her.

"Okay," she whispered as she turned from him and seated herself at the dining room table and broke down crying.

Elliot watched her for a moment, his heart was breaking watching her cry. "Liv," he said softly as he approached her, "I thought this was what you wanted, what was right?"

"It is," she sobbed. "But it still feels….like I am losing you. Like this is real. It is over."

"But only for a little while. I promise. After the divorce, I will come back here and we will start this over. You and me."

She nodded and he kissed her lips softly. "What happens now, Elliot? We just pretend it never happened and try to move on?'

"I'm not sure, I have never done this."

"Me, either."

"You still have me. Okay, I am always going to be here for you. You are not losing me. I am still your partner and your best friend. We just wont be, like that for a while."

"Yeah," she agreed.

He stood and started to walk toward the door to leave.

"El?" She called out and he turned to look at her. "I'll miss you," she said softly almost embarrassed by the words as she was trying to be strong at least until he made it out the door.

He moved back to her and placed a kiss against her forehead as a tear rolled off his cheek. "I'll miss you too, Liv." Then he was gone.

As soon as she heard the door close she dropped to the floor and cried.


	11. 11 Time To Adjust

_**In Too Deep**_

_**(Chapter Eleven: Time To Adjust)**_

**The next morning Olivia climbed from her bed alone and stumbled to the coffee pot for a cup of inspiration. She knew today was going to be hard and her sole reason for even forcing herself to go to work was to try not to let Elliot know she was falling apart without him. **

**She walked to the bathroom and turned a hot shower. She stood under the water letting it pound down on to her body and face. She knew she was crying, but the water washed her tears away before they had the chance to fall. She climbed out of the shower into the thick fog that now filled her bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She was a complete idiot for opening her mouth to Elliot about the "re-evaluating and focusing on things." "Stupid!" She said aloud as she shot herself an evil glare in the mirror and she turned the light out and headed down the hall to her room to get dressed. **

**Olivia out the door of her apartment building and was both annoyed and just plane pissed off at the bright sunshine that greeted her. How could such a crappy day be such a beautiful one? She gritted her teeth and forced herself to move forward, although all she really wanted to do was go crawl back into her bed for the next few months until Elliot came back to her. **

**At work she had to remind herself that it wasn't Elliot she was angry with as she caught herself wanting to snap and bite his head of for just talking to her. She was the one who had offered up this solution and now she was just going to have to deal with it. It really was what was best and once they got through this mess things would be even better for them, if they made it through this mess. And if he still wanted her when it was finally over with Kathy. What if he realized that this affair with her had been only that? What if Elliot divorced Kathy and realized that he didn't want to be in a relationship at all? **

**Olivia stared down at her blank note pad as she tapped her pencil eraser on the desk in front of her. She hated suspense and she had just set herself up for at least three or four months of it. God she felt so stupid! So she had to share him with Kathy, that was still better than not having him at all, right? Oh, she was tired of thinking and was starting to give herself a headache. It was so quiet in the squad room, yet inside her head her thoughts were screaming at her. She couldn't take it anymore!**

**Olivia stood up quickly from her chair causing it to roll out from behind her making a noise as it moved across the room. She walked over to the coffee pot and poured herself another cup.**

"**Benson, Stabler, I got a lead on your case. Check it out!" Cragen said stepping from his office with a little yellow sticky note in his hand.**

**THANK GOD!!! She thought, at least they got to go do something. At least talking to witnesses and chasing down leads would help distract her and pull her through the day. **

**The ride across town in the car was quiet and made her nervous. Olivia began to fidget in her seat as Elliot reached out to turn on the radio. Elliot didn't normally listen to the radio in the car at work. He was nervous, too. He looked at her for a second and smiled, she smiled back at him only for a second then turned to look out the window. **

"**You know you can talk to me. You don't have to ignore me completely because of what happened last night."**

"**I'm not ignoring you," she insisted without looking him in the eye.**

"**Olivia, that is the first thing you have said to me all day. I didn't even get so much as a good morning when you came in to work."**

"**Good morning," she said glancing up at him before turning away again.**

**Elliot turned into a parking lot behind an old abandon building and turned off the car pulling the keys from the ignition and staring at her until she looked at him.**

**Oh God, he was going to try to force her to talk to him. "What are you doing?" She asked looking at him hoping those four words would satisfy him and he would start the car so they could be on their way.**

"**I just thought we could talk for a minute."**

"**Talk about what, Elliot."**

"**I don't know. Whatever you want. Whatever is bothering you. How you feel."**

"**Nothing is bothering me. I feel like if we don't get across town to interview this witness Cragen is going to have both our asses in a sling." She glared at him only for a second before the blue of his eyes became a distraction.**

"**You think this isn't hard on me too?"**

**She shifted her attention to the dashboard and stared it down. Elliot reached for her hand. "Don't," she almost snapped pulling it from him. She closed her eyes tight before she could cry. **

**He started the car again. "Well the good news is you only have to work with me four more days… then you are rid of me for two whole weeks!"**

**Things were quiet for a few more minutes, before she finally spoke up.**

"**I don't want to be rid of you, Elliot. I'm just having a little trouble adjusting. I mean, we can agree this wasn't right and break up. But not being your girlfriend anymore doesn't make all of the feelings just not exist."**

"**I know." He looked at her and this time she stared into his eyes. "This is a little harder than we bargained for, huh?"**

"**Yeah."**

"**But we have to find a way not to let this awkwardness come between us, Liv. It will only push us apart. It will make things harder to work together and harder to be friends. I am about to go through a divorce and custody battle, I need my friend."**

"**Elliot, I would never not be there for you over something silly like this. I just don't know how to look at you and not think of you the way I have these last few months, the last few years. I mean, I know this has been an emotional rollercoaster and an on again off again thing but somewhere along the way I fell in love with you. And I can't just wake up one morning and say, oh yeah I'm not supposed to love you anymore. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to go back to before we were together."**

"**You don't have to stop loving me Liv. I'm not going to stop loving you. But you can talk to me and we don't have to be strange around each other. We know each other better than anyone else in the world. We were close, we have always been close. And we are going to need that to get us through these next few months. I will always love you. We just can't have the physical part for a while. And that isn't going to be an easy thing to give up either. Not just the incredible sex, but kissing you and holding your hand and touching you. It will be hard but we are doing the right thing. And I promise you when this all blows over, I will make it up to you. Right now we both just need a little time to adjust." Elliot pulled the car over and parked it in front of their destination.**

**He looked into her eyes and she smiled. This was going to be a rough couple of months, but she knew somehow it would all be worth it in the end.**


	12. 12 Withdrawal

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Twelve: Withdrawal)_

The two weeks Elliot was gone seemed like an eternity and she was just over half way through it. Olivia drove herself crazy not being able to see him or talk to him. She laid in bed most nights unable to sleep wondering what he was doing at that exact moment. Wondering if he was thinking of her, wondering what he was doing with Kathy.

She rolled over in her bed and put a pillow over her head trying to force herself to sleep, but it wasn't happening. She reached for the remote control and was about to turn on the television when her phone rang. "Thank you Fin!" she said out loud as she reached for the phone. They were on call together tonight and normally that would have been a bad call, but she wasn't going to be able to sleep anyway.

She stretched across the bed and flipped open the phone pressing it to her ear.

"Benson."

"Hey," the voice on the other line said quietly. But it wasn't Fin.

"El?"

"Yeah. Listen I only have a minute, but I wanted to call and see how things were going with the Ramero case."

"Good, I guess. Fin and I are on call tonight, I actually thought you were him calling me about it."

The line was quiet for a minute.

"So how is your vacation going?"

"Oh, good. Dickie caught a five pound bass. He was pretty excited… Olivia, I didn't call you about the case."

"I know," she said with a sigh.

"I just needed to hear your voice," he said softly and she felt her heart flutter in her chest.

"I'm glad you called. I needed to hear yours, too."

"Listen, everything is going to work out. I promise."

"I know it will. Elliot, I love you."

"Yeah, me too Liv." Elliot said as she could hear Kathy talking to one of the kids in the background.

"I'd better go before there's trouble. Elliot, I'm glad you called."

"No, no, it is no trouble. Listen Olivia, if you have any more questions or any trouble just give me a call. I'll talk to you later." Then he hung up the phone.

She placed her cell phone back on it's charger and slid down under the blankets. She thought about the call for a second and smiled. He was thinking about her, too. Olivia reached her arm across the bed and placed it on the pillow where he once rested his head after hours of making love to her. This was going to be a long couple of months. She pulled the pillow to her and held it against her cheek, it still smelled like him. She curled up in the bed and closed her eyes as she held to it tightly and before long she was asleep.

The last four days he was gone seemed to drag on forever. But finally it was Monday morning once more and she was sitting at the desk smiling when he walked in.

"Hey partner, have a good vacation?"

"Yeah, it was good. Brought you something," Elliot said sitting a brown paper bag on the desk in front of her.

Olivia opened it. "It's a coffee mug, with a guy in a boat on it."

"Yeah, he's bass fishing. Dickie picked out."

"Ahh, well tell Dickie I said thank you. I love it!" She smiled at him, she had missed him so much.

They both spent the morning and into the early afternoon in court testifying against a suspect on an old case who was up for an early parole. Afterward they went for a late lunch. Elliot grabbed some Philly steak sandwiches at one of their favorite places then went by Olivia's apartment to grab some files she had forgotten that morning.

They sat at the table across from each other eating their lunch and going over the notes she had scratched on scrap paper and clipped neatly to the inside of the file. Things were fine until it got quiet and she looked up to catch him staring at her.

Without thinking or knowing exactly who started what. They found themselves kissing and moving quickly down the hall toward her bedroom and tearing off clothes like there was no tomorrow. Olivia wasn't even completely undressed when he pushed her back onto the bed practically ripped her panties off, popped the last two buttons off her blouse and was inside her.

It happened so fast, but it was so good. They were hard and fast with him thrusting steadily deeper and deeper into her each time he moved. He raised up and pulled her down closer against him and kissed her as he moved harder into her. Any harder or faster and it probably would have hurt, but she had missed his touch so much right now she wanted him any way she could have him. They were both moaning and panting loudly as she heard her own voice calling out "oh God, oh God" then almost cooing "Yes, yes, yes." He was so good and always knew exactly what she needed from him.

Before long he had grabbed her ankle and spun her around to where he was behind her with his hand pressing firmly against her abdomen as she felt him moving in her. She tipped her head back against his chest and he kissed behind her ear as they continued. From this angle he seemed to be able to reach further into her and she was loving every second of it. Elliot raised them up and held her against his body. Now sitting on the bed he was still behind her and holding his pace as he held one arm over her waist pulling her into him and reached the other across her body and caressed her breasts.

She was on about her third….no fourth orgasm, when he lowered her back to the bed and laid on top of her to stare into her eyes as he still thrust hard inside her.

"Oh baby," she called out loudly digging her fingernails into his back as she felt him come inside her and hit another orgasm. Elliot laid almost lifelessly across her body as the both tried to catch their breath.

He leaned in and kissed her as he stared into her eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately then hid her face against his shoulder.

"We screwed up," She said softly as she looked at him again and bit her lip.

"Yeah we did…." Elliot said leaning his forehead against hers. "And down and sideways."

"El, it isn't funny." She gazed at him with a look of concern.

He placed his hand beside her in the bed and raised up a little as he pulled out of her and laid beside her in the bed. He exhaled and just laid there, both of them staring at the ceiling.

"We can't have this both ways, Liv." He said turning to face her. "On again and off again."

"I know." She wrapped the bed sheet around her in an attempt to separate them.

She stared into his eyes.

"God, do you have any idea how hard it was? To lay next to her in bed thinking about you. Or to wake up with a hard on after dreaming hot sex dreams about you all night and try to escape to the bathroom before she realized it and got the wrong idea."

Olivia smiled. Elliot pressed his forehead against hers and smiled at her.

"Come here," he said softly pulling her body against his.

"What are you doing?"

"I figured since we already crossed the line, I might as well get to hold you for a few minutes. God, I feel like it had been ages since I held you in my arms." He wrapped his arms tight around her, the sheets still between them and she rested her head on his chest as he combed his fingers through her hair.

"We should get back to work," Olivia whispered as he kissed her softly.

"Yeah," he replied as she sat up and handed him his clothes.

She wrapped her sheet tighter around her and walked to her closet in search of a blouse he hadn't ripped all of the buttons off of, then quickly dressed.

"Look Liv, I know this can't happen again." He nodded his head unsure of what else to say to her.

She looked into his eyes and pressed her nose to his and kissed him one last time, before they headed back to work. This was going to be a rough couple of months for both of them, but they could do make it if they worked together. They made an amazing team.

The next day while driving across town, Elliot looked at Olivia as he brushed her hand with his. "We need to talk," he said as he pulled the car over in front of her apartment.

"Elliot, this might not be a good idea. Look at what happened yesterday."

"No, I will behave. I promise. I just want a place to sit and discuss something with you and I don't want to talk about it in the car. Friend to friend."

"Okay," he said handing him her keys.

They entered the apartment and she sat down on the sofa and stared at him as he got them both a glass of iced tea and sat beside her.

"I told her." He blurted out handing her the glass and sitting down beside her.

"Told her what exactly?"

"I told her it wasn't working for me anymore and I wanted a divorce. She argued. I told her things hadn't been the same since the first time she left and took the kids. I was just so determined to work it out that I overlooked anything I didn't want to see."

Olivia smiled at him and took a sip from her glass.

"And I told her that I had an affair."

She looked up at him and bit her bottom lip nervously.

"What did she say?"

"She freaked out. Demanded to know when and who it was. I told her that it had been over for a while and she was a girl I met in the bar. I figured I have lied and cheated so much now, what was one more?"

"And?"

"And she was pissed. I spent the first of many long nights on my couch and I am going to start looking for an apartment this weekend. I am going to speak to a lawyer friend of Casey's tomorrow during lunch and if all goes well, will be filing for divorce within the next couple of days."

"Elliot, I don't know what to say. I'm proud of you. I'm sorry it is ending like this, but I am also happy that you are finally able to be free of this. I know when it is all over it will be like a big weight was lifted."

"She wouldn't talk about details, I figured I would give her a day or two to think about it. I'll give her anything she wants. The house, cars, alimony, whatever. I just want joint custody of the kids."

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, I feel like I have just taken the first step of many to getting my life back on the right track. This has been wrong for me for a long time now, it is about time I did something to make it right again."

She smiled at him as he stood up from the couch and grabbed his keys.

"I'm here, if you need anything. I even have a guest room, if things get crazy and you need to escape for a few days. Or just want to crash here until you find an apartment."

"Thanks, but I want to try to stay in the house for now. At least until we tell the kids and I find a place."

"You have a key if you change your mind. And if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."

"Thank you," he replied leaning in and hugging her tight. "I know it sounds crazy, because this is what is right and I don't love her anymore. But I'm still kind of sad to know this is happening."

"It's a big thing Elliot. You spent twenty years of your life with her and she is the mother of your five children. She is always going to be a special part of your life. She just wont be your wife anymore. And who knows, someday I am sure she will find someone and be happy again. If it was making the two of you that miserable, then I am sure it affected the kids, too. Things will be rough for a little while, but it is for the best if it gives you all the chance to find happiness again."

"Yeah. I guess I just kind of feel like I am giving up, you know? Like I am quitting and walking away."

"El, you guys have been trying for a long time now to work it out and it isn't working. Eventually someone had to be the first to walk away."

"Now you see why I didn't want to talk in the car?"

She smiled and patted him on the back.

"Why don't we go out after work and I'll buy you a drink. It's kind of tradition, you know? That is what you do for me after a break up."

"Yeah, unless I was the one you just broke up with. It sounds good, but I'm not sure it is a good idea."

"Elliot, we can keep avoiding each other or just be together and be friends like we have always been and just control ourselves. I know this is not going to be easy to do, but it needs to stop. Completely. For now at least. But I don't want to have to cut myself off from you as my friend, especially now when you need me the most, because we can't be adults and control out hormones."

Elliot looked into her eyes. "You are right. Liv you are, above everything else my best friend. And that is what will get us through this. God, we sound like we are drug addicts going through withdrawal."

"Hey, really good sex with someone you are in love with is pretty much the same thing. It is a hard habit to kick. But when all of this is over and we can be together, in a real relationship without sneaking around and I can be your girlfriend and not just your mistress, it will all be worth it. I love you, Elliot Stabler. And you are well worth waiting for."

He hugged her and fought back the urge to kiss her, settling for a quick kiss on the forehead. "Plus, think how hot the sex will be after being away from each other and going without for so long."

Olivia chuckled and smiled at him.


	13. 13 Torn

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Thirteen: Torn)_

It had been almost a month now since their official break up and Olivia was proud of the fact that this time they had been able to practice the self control that they had so much trouble with in the beginning. She and Elliot were pretty much their old selves again. Inseparable, but not romantic in any way. She still had thoughts of him and sometimes would catch herself daydreaming about his sexy smile or the bright blue of his eyes, but they hadn't acted on it.

Elliot had hired a lawyer and began to draw up the divorce papers, but so far it seemed like Kathy wanted anything but to resolve this issue and just let go of the past and move on. So for now they kept having meetings with lawyers and fighting over every little detail. What could they possibly have to fight about? Olivia wondered. Elliot would have given her anything she wanted. He just wanted out. And he wanted to see his kids. Not too much to ask. The man was a wonderful father and devoted to his children. But Kathy knew this was her one weapon against him and she used it.

Olivia exhaled deeply and looked across the car at her partner. He sat looking out the window trying to figure things out. Poor Elliot, she thought. In this last month his life had been completely turned upside down. First they called off their relationship and he asked Kathy for a divorce. He had been sleeping on the couch and hadn't had much luck finding a decent apartment big enough he could keep the children for overnight visits. And now Kathy was being impossible with the custody arrangements and he hadn't had any time alone with his children since their family vacation. And that was just his personal life!

Here at work they had been working for several months on trying to take Romero down. Things had gotten all messed up when a source had burned them a few months back and their week long Riverside Park stake out had rendered no suspect. Now all of the big dogs were on Cragen's ass about capturing Ramero. In turn, Cragen was on all of their asses. It was so stressful and frustrating. They would get so close to capturing him and barely miss him each time. They were pretty sure someone on the inside was tipping him off, but not sure who. For now, this case had become top priority and was the only case the five of them focused on.

Ramero had started just a petty drug dealer, menace to society. But lately he was taking in large shipments of cocaine and heroin and mixing it with his own special ingredients and distributed it to his buyers promising a quick long lasting high with out the side effects and withdrawal the drugs usually had. Ramero's mix was referred to on the streets as Pixie Dust and was popular among teens and the younger party crowd because it was so easy to get a hold of. It was also super addictive and easy to overdose on and the chemicals he was mixing in his Pixie Dust were mostly toxic. Many of the chemicals were commonly found in household cleaners and pesticides, Ramero's Pixie Dust was already responsible the deaths of seven teens and three habitual users.

Special Victims came across the case when Ramero started using addicted teens to sell his Pixie Dust in local high schools. He also managed a ring of underground sex clubs where members would come to get high and watch exotic dancers perform. If the price was right, a member could experience a great high and sex with the girls. In his world anything could be bought for the right price.

Most of the women working in his clubs were just junkie's off the street trying to support a habit or prostitutes looking to get off the street. But he also dragged in high school girls, many from lonely broken homes. He would expose them to a world of money and jewels and fancy things they. And if that didn't turn them he would string them out and get them addicted and make it seem as if there was no way out. He would allow these girls to work in his club and force them to trade dancing and sex for his drugs. He was a very powerful man and had half of the city in his pocket. This was a dangerous case, because they were unsure who they could trust.

Cragen had been working for the last few weeks trying to set up some kind of sting operation. He was trying to get them in and take down the ring from the inside. The main problem was Ramero didn't deal with people he didn't know. The location of these sex clubs changed every night and only members and close friends of Ramero's knew where the club location. Even the girls working had no idea where they would be until after they had arrived. Ramero would send his men to bring the girls to the locations.

Olivia jumped as her cell phone rang. "Benson," she said placing it to her ear. "We're on our way." She closed the phone and looked at Elliot who had turned his attention to her. "Cragen wants to see us."

Cragen was in his office with Munch and Fin when they got back to the station. Olivia caught his eye as she and Elliot walked toward their desks and Cragen motioned for them to join in the meeting.

"I have an in," Cragen said as Elliot closed the door behind him.

Olivia put her hands in her pockets and leaned against the file cabinet waiting to hear exactly what it was they were going to have to do to pull this off.

"This is a bad one," he continued. "Numerous attempts have been made by Narcotics to get on the inside of this one and so far each has failed. Using Fin's resource, I have managed to get us in. But it is rough. This may be our only way. But I am not willing to put my Detectives in this king of danger without fully explaining the assignment. I hesitate to even ask this of you, all of you, because of the risk involved. But this might be our only shot." Cragen sat quiet for a few minutes and looked at each of them as if trying to read their thoughts. He skimmed the room then his eyes landed on Olivia. "I'm afraid the majority of this assignment is going to come down on you," he said clearing his throat.

Olivia stared at him waiting to hear his offer. She noticed Elliot as he jumped to attention and shook his head hesitantly at the first mention of his partner and an undercover operation involving sex clubs and prostitutes. He didn't like this already.

"Go on," Olivia said ignoring Elliot and looking into Cragen's eyes.

"I put you on the inside. Let you work the club for a few days until we have enough to fully bring this down. Then we take down the entire ring. The dealers, prostitutes, Ramero, everyone. But one false move and this bad situation gets a lot worse. This came from above me Olivia, but I don't like it. I am leaving it up to you. If you say no, we find another way in."

Olivia stared at the floor for a minute as she heard her three male co-workers verbally expressing their disgust that Cragen would even consider asking this of her. She felt a knot in the pit of her stomach. If she got in and was made they would kill her for certain. But if she pulled it off, they would save hundreds of lives by taking this man and his drugs off the street.

"What would I have to do?" She asked quietly as the three men stopped speaking and all looked at her in shock that she was even considering it.

"No! No. No way in Hell!" Elliot said turning his glare onto her.

"Elliot, this is not up to you. It is up to her and only her and if she decides to take this assignment I expect full cooperation from all three of you. I will need you in on this, there are not many people I can trust to help us here so none of this information leaves this office. I have three men from Narcotics, the four of you and myself. That is the extent of our team. Olivia, I would have to put you in as one of his girls. Now I don't expect you to sleep with anyone of course, so I will use our guys as John's. Fin will bring you in as one of his girls."

"Now why does he always get to play the pimp?" John Munch asked trying to lighten the mood in the room.

"Shut up, Munch!" Fin snapped as he watched the heavy expression on Olivia's face.

"She's not a stripper either," Elliot argued, "just how do you plan to fake that?"

"One of the girls down at The Roxxy strip club has worked with us before on a few cases. She has agreed to work with Olivia and teach her the basics and help her put together a couple of routines. She will try to keep it low key, but it will have to be convincing. Elliot, they are looking for a bouncer. That would be you. You are her shadow. Anytime she is out on that stage, you cover her. John, you are a big fan. I want you in front of that stage every second she is on it and lurking around backstage when she isn't. Now, I have Davis, Brooks and Johnston from Narcotics. They are admirers, boyfriends, John's whatever. They are going to be working the crowd. We have one shot here. Olivia, if at any second you feel uncomfortable you give the signal and get the Hell out. If any of you think you have been made, grab her and get out. I don't want to take any more risk than we have to here."

Olivia stared blankly ahead deep in thought.

"So you want her to get up on stage in front of a room full of pimps, John's and drug dealers and strip? This is insane! How could you even consider it?" Elliot looked more furious that she had ever seen him before.

"I have twenty four hours to let them know. If you decide to give it a shot I have a week to get you ready and Roxxy will start working with you immediately. You will be inside for three days. If you get what we need before then, we are out. But if you don't have it after three days, we are out. You can tell me now Olivia or take the twenty four hours to consider it."

"I need some time to think about it," she said softly and Elliot stormed out slamming the door behind him.

Olivia bit her bottom lip for a minute as she turned to walk out.

"Olivia, can you give me another minute, please? Munch, Fin, you are dismissed."

Munch and Fin closed the door behind them as Olivia sat in the chair in front of Cragen's desk. "Tell me what you are thinking."

"What?" She asked looking up at him.

"Well, everyone else gave me their opinion about this, but I have yet to hear anything from you."

"I don't know. I mean, it isn't that I don't think we could. We have pulled off far worse. And I trust everyone, Fin has said these men from Narcotics are their. If he trusts them, then I trust them. I just don't know about standing on a stage and dancing around naked in front of….."

"A bunch of strangers?"

"Well, and people I work with."

"Roxxy used to work for Ramero. He makes the new girls share stage time and uses them as cocktail waitresses for the bar. So you will only be onstage about once or twice a night. She has a few tricks that will probably get you by the first time or two onstage. We will do everything we can to get you out before it gets too heated. Fin, as your pimp will be in for a profit. That is how Ramero gets new ladies. So it will be natural for him to be hanging around your first few days there. He will also have some pull in who you do and do not go off alone with, so that will help us set up the others at customers. Olivia, you say the word now and that is the last time this is ever mentioned again."

"Like I said, I just need to think about it. Can I let you know in the morning?"

"Absolutely."

Olivia walked back out to her desk and sat down. She could feel Elliot's angry eyes staring her down. After several minutes she got up and walked to the locker room.

Elliot stood up and quickly followed her. He walked in as she was gathering her things to leave for the evening. "Olivia, what the hell are you going?"

"I'm going home, Elliot. You should too while you have the chance."

"No, I mean what the hell are you doing even considering this crazy plan of his?"

"I don't know. I mean, I don't exactly want to do it. But if we don't get him off the street Elliot more kids will die. We don't choose the assignment, remember?"

"But this time he is letting you choose! Walk away!"

"What if I did, El? What if I walked away and some other kid died because I didn't do anything to stop this man?"

"Olivia, it can't all be on you like this. There has to be another way."

"The longer we wait the more victims he takes, Elliot."

She turned to walk out as he walked behind her trying to talk her out of it.

"I don't like this! It isn't safe, you could get killed!"

"This is our job! Every day we walk in here could be the day we get killed!" She turned to face him and he gave her a harsh look. "Elliot, what the next kid this stuff killed was yours? What if it were Kathleen or Dickie? Just a curious teenager out having fun with friends. Or what if your daughter was one of those girls? If we don't help them Elliot, no one will."

Elliot took a deep breath. He understood her argument, but that didn't mean he thought she should go through with it. "You really think you could get on stage and dance around naked in front of all of those people?"

"If we get in and get what we need fast, hopefully I won't have to." Olivia looked at him. "Look, I am going to have you and Fin and Munch and Cragen all there with me. That is the only reason I am even considering this at all. I trust you guys and I think with all of us together, we might have a chance at putting this guy away for good. Besides, I have not agreed to anything yet. I told Cragen I would think about it. And that is exactly what I am going to do. I'm going home to light a few candles and put on some relaxing music and open a bottle of wine and soak in a hot bath for hours. I have not made up my mind on anything yet. But I really want to give it a lot of consideration before I make a decision, Elliot."

"I just wish you would tell him no. Let them figure out another way, a less dangerous way to get Ramero. There has to be someone else they can send in."

"Goodnight, Elliot." Olivia kissed his cheek and stepped into the elevator as the doors closed behind her.


	14. 14 Defenseless

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Fourteen: Defenseless)_

Olivia relaxed in a hot bath surrounded by candles and classical music. She exhaled deeply and inhaled again taking in the scent of the bath salts. She took a sip of red wine then sat her glass on the side of the garden tub and placed cucumber slices over her eyes. She hadn't been able to relax this much in a long time. She was just about to fall asleep when her cell phone rang and startled her. She groaned and leaned over the side of the bath tub to pick up the phone dripping soap bubbles into the floor as she tossed it across the room without even looking at it. She sank back into the bathtub and tried to slip back into her state of relaxation.

"Damn it Elliot!" She growled as she picked up her wine glass again. She knew it was him. Calling to talk her out of something she hadn't really even talked herself into yet. He was so set against her completing this undercover assignment. Yes, it was dangerous, she thought. But everything they do in their profession is. It was her job to help the victims, to stand up for them and this was what she needed to do now. This was the only way.

She finished the last of the wine in her glass and poured more from the bottle. She noticed the wrinkles on her fingers as she sat the bottle back down. She took a deep breath and stepped out of the bath tub slipping on her robe. She grabbed her wine glass in one hand and the bottle in the other and walked to her bedroom.

Olivia sat the wine glass down on her nightstand and walked into the kitchen where she placed the cork back into the top of the bottle and put it in the refrigerator. She turned off the kitchen light and walked into the living room to get the crime novel she had had been reading from the end table beside the sofa.

She turned to walk back down the hallway toward the bedroom as she heard a strange noise. She stopped and looked around the room behind her. She walked back toward the door to make sure it was locked. She reached out and placed her hand on the door knob as it turned in her hand and opened. Olivia jumped and screamed as she stood face to face in the dark with Elliot. She slapped him, reacting before she could think about what was going on around her.

"Shit Olivia! What the hell was that for!?!" Elliot yelled out as he reached up flipped the light switch turning on the lamp on the end table."

"Elliot! You scared the hell out of me! What are you going here?" She tightened her robe and retied the belt around it. She took a deep breath and could still feel her heart pounding in her throat, so much for relaxation!

"I called you, you never answered. So I came by."

"You called me twelve times in the hour I was taking a bath! I was trying to relax Elliot. I didn't want to talk."

"Don't do this Olivia."

She stared down at the floor for a minute then turned from him and walked toward her bedroom. "I don't want to argue with you."

"I'm not here to argue. I just…I'm worried, Liv. This is bad. It is extremely dangerous and Cragen even said himself that he wasn't comfortable doing this."

"He also said that this is pretty much a last resort. Elliot, if we don't do this…." she just looked at him for a minute.

"If we go in and he makes you for a cop, he will kill you. You won't be armed and will have no way to defend yourself if something goes wrong."

"I'm not completely helpless, Elliot! I can defend myself even without a gun."

"I know that, Liv. But it isn't enough."

"You will be right there the entire time, ten feet away. Fin and Munch and Cragen, I couldn't ask for a better team."

"And you are really okay with strutting around on a stage naked in front of Cragen and Munch and Fin and a room full of strangers? A room full of men who think you are a prostitute."

"Is that what this is about?"

"No, Olivia. This is about a danger that I have no way to protect you from and you are walking straight into it. I'm scared, Liv. If this thing goes bad any number of things could happen. Things I cannot stop or control. I'm not comfortable with this, Olivia." Elliot placed his hands against her shoulders and she looked into his eyes. "Liv, please don't do this. I have a horrible feeling about this."

She watched as a tear rolled off his cheek. "I have to, Elliot." She whispered softly. "If I don't, no one will. I have the chance to stop this and I am going to take it. I really need your support on this, as my partner and my friend."

Elliot sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his. "There is no way I can change your mind?"

She shook her head seeing in his eyes how much it scared him that she was going through with it.

"I don't agree with it, but I understand why you are doing it. And you have my full support. I will be there as close as I can to you every step of the way. And God help me Olivia, if anything happens to you I will kill Cragen."

She squeezed his hand in hers. "Nothing will, I have you there looking out for me. Look Elliot, if you weren't going to be there I wouldn't go through with this. I trust you and only you."

Elliot brushed a strand of hair back from her eyes as she yawned. "It's late. I should go and let you get some rest. These next few days are going to be a lot of stress and a lot of work." He laced his fingers in hers and stared into her eyes. As he stood up to leave she hugged him. Elliot held her only for a moment then kissed her forehead. "I will see you tomorrow," he said as she smiled at him.

Olivia slipped into a tee shirt and a pair of boxer shorts and climbed into bed. She turned out the light and laid there thinking about everything that had happened that day. She wondered if he could actually pull this off. She fluffed her pillow and closed her eyes to try to go to sleep, tomorrow was going to be the first of a series of long days.


	15. 15 Roxxy

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Fifteen: Roxxy)_

Olivia went in to work a little early the next morning to try to get some things done. She knew once they started this assignment it would be a little while before she would get the chance to do any paperwork so she wanted to get as much as she could done before hand. She was sitting at her desk with a hot cup of coffee when Cragen came in for the day.

"Good morning Olivia. You are in awful early," He said as he walked past her desk and unlocked his office door.

She quickly stood up and walked in behind him closing the door.

"I take it you have reached a decision about this undercover assignment."

"Yes, I want to do it."

"Elliot didn't talk to you?"

"About what?"

"Well, nothing. I just figured you would be ready to go for it and he would come talk to you and talk some sense into you. This isn't an easy one, Liv."

"None of them are easy ones. But if we don't stop him, more people will die. Look, if you didn't want me to do it, why even say anything?"

"Because you are a grown woman and a damn good cop. You are the only one who knows if you can do it."

"I know I can."

"I know you can. I never doubted you. If I didn't think you could I never would have given you the proposition. I just wasn't sure I wanted to put you into that sort of danger."

"You sound just like Elliot now."

"We're just worried. But if you are sure that this is what you want to do, I will put the team into place. I will contact Roxxy and get you over there to start working with her. You have four days with her then I have to move you in. This will give Fin and Elliot time to get into position. I have arranged for you an apartment, nothing fancy but we want it to be believable.

Olivia nodded her head in agreement then walked back out to her desk. She sat down and thought about this situation for a moment. She opened her purse and pulled out a bottle of aspirin dropping three out into her hand and swallowed them with coffee. She lowered her head and began to massage her temples with her fingertips as Elliot approached her.

"I have a few things I need to take care of across town then I thought maybe we could grab a quick lunch before you go meet up with Roxxy."

In the car he was quiet. Olivia could tell he had something on his mind, but just wasn't offering it up. Elliot stared at the rode in front of them and every few minutes would turn to look at her. When she caught him staring at her he just smiled and quickly turned away.

"What's on you mind, El?"

He looked over at her again. "I guess I'm just nervous. In just over an hour I have to take you to meet a stripper who is going to teach you how to work the pole. And for the next several days I have to stand across the room and watch as a large group of guys stare and try to fondle you while you dance around naked trying to gather enough information to take down a drug dealer."

Olivia laughed.

"It isn't funny, Liv."

"I just can't believe that you seem more worried about this than I do. I mean whose ass is it going to be up there anyway?" She was quiet for a minute. "You don't think I can pull it off, do you?"

"I know you can. You are probably the best when it comes to undercover work. But you have never had to take your clothes off before. And what if one of these guys wants more? They are used to getting whatever they want from these girls. I mean what if someone wants a lap dance or sex? Then what?"

"Well, that is where our Narcotics guys and John come in. They pick me up before anyone else can. And Fin is there, he can say who I get involved with. And I have you there if anyone gets too friendly." She slid her hand into his, "it will work out, El. It always does."

"Yes, but one of these days it wont. Some day we are going to push too far and something awful is going to happen." Elliot stared into her eyes. "I am just scared because there is so much at risk on this one."

"I know," she said squeezing his hand.

They met with Roxxy at a dance studio across town. Lucky for Olivia, Roxxy didn't only own her own strip club, but she was also a dance instructor by day. This is good, Olivia thought to herself, I need all of the help I can get.

Cragen met them there and walked them back to the main practice room where a tall thin blonde with long legs and big boobs was waiting for them. Cragen had known Roxxy for years. He had busted her a few times for possession and drug use years earlier. After about her fourth arrest for drugs, it was Cragen who had convinced her to go into rehab and get cleaned up. She did and was now drug free, but still had some of her old connections into this dark underworld of sex and drugs. Roxxy's club was legitimate, no prostitution or illegal activity at all. Infact, she was just about the only club owner in the history of the business who drug tested her girls.

"Roxxy," Cragen said to the woman across the room as she turned to look at him.

"Hey Don," she said as she hugged him and patted his back. "How have you been?"

"I'm okay. Listen thanks for your help on this."

"No problem. I'm just glad that someone is finally going to take Ramero down."

"Roxxy, this is Olivia. She's the one you will be working with."

Olivia extended her hand to shake Roxxy's, but all she got in return was a forced smile. She took a deep breath, this was going to be a long week.

"Well, we had better get started. You have a lot to learn and I only have four days to teach it to you," Roxxy said looking almost annoyed at Olivia.

"She is a quick learner Roxxy," Cragen offered up.

"Then I am sure everything will be fine."

Elliot left with Cragen and left their car for Olivia. This left her completely at the mercy of her new stripper friend.

"You need to get changed," Roxxy said as she lead Olivia back to a dressing room. She walked over to a rack full of costumes and riffled through them for a minute. "Here," she said, "put this on, then meet me back out there in five minutes."

She took the clothes and Roxxy pointed to a small closet looking area with a curtain that apparently served as a changing area. Olivia took a deep breath and took off her clothes. She put on the costume and stared at herself in the mirror. It was pretty much just lingerie with a short skirt. She grabbed her white button up shirt from the floor and put it on over the sequined bra of the costume. She buttoned only the three buttons in the center leaving plenty of cleavage and tied it just above her navel.

"There," she said looking at herself once more.

She walked back out to meet Roxxy and could see through the glass of the studio door she was out front smoking a cigarette. Olivia walked around and studied the photographs on the walls of the studio while she waited. There were pictures of different dance teams with awards and even pictures of a smaller busted darker haired Roxxy with a group of small girls and a trophy. She raised her finger to touch the glass of the frame when she heard Roxxy's voice behind her.

"Lets see what they gave me to work with."

Roxxy grabbed Olivia's wrist and lead her back to the center of the room. She placed her hands around Olivia's small waist and glided them as she walked a circle around her examining her body. She moved her hands down over Olivia's hips and on down her long legs.

Roxxy stood up and turned Liv's chin to the side to check out her profile as she brushed the hair back from her eyes. Then she moved her fingers down to unbutton the white blouse and untie it allowing it to fall to the floor. Olivia shivered self-consciously and unknowingly raised her arms to her chest to cover the bra. Roxxy stopped her hand on Olivia's flat stomach and looked up at her.

"There is your first mistake." She pulled Olivia's arms down to her sides and shook her head. "You can't be self-conscious. You have to be confident, comfortable with your body. He thinks you are a working girl. This is your product. If it doesn't sell, you don't eat. You have to change the way you think or he is going to see right through you. This is work for you, something you do every day. There is no time to be shy. You have to think confident, sexy. Like every man out there is your one and only one and you are performing just for him." She moved behind Olivia. "Take a deep breath, stand up straight, keep your eyes up and smile. No matter what happens out on that stage, you smile. You want every one of those men to think that he is the one you want. And you are going to need a name, something that sells." Roxxy stared at Olivia in the mirror on the wall for a second.

"They are working on that, I will get my new credentials when we get started."

Roxxy just looked at her and smiled. "Let's get started." She walked across the room and turned on some music. "First things first. A few basics." She did a few dance simple dance steps and Olivia shadowed hear with ease. "You can count it off if you need to, just don't get used to counting it out loud. I can't tell you how many girls do that on stage and don't even realize it." Roxxy watched Olivia as she completed each over effortlessly. "Good. You are batter at this than I thought you would be. Do you have any dance training."

"Not so much dance. Some cheerleading and a couple years of drill team in high school. But that was a long time ago."

"You still have it. And it helps that you have performed in front of people before. The trick here is to remember this is exactly that, a performance. It is a dance and that is all. Onstage there really isn't anything to be afraid of, it is just you and your space and your music. It helps if you can learn to block out everything that exists beyond the edge of that stage, it no longer exists to you. You take this four minutes at a time, smile and just perform your routine. Let me find you some music. You already know all of this stuff so we can skip the easy stuff and go straight to the work. That helps a lot." Roxxy shuffled through a pile of CD's before selecting one. "Right now I just want you to close your eyes and feel the music. No movement, just feel it and understand it."

Olivia closed her eyes. A few seconds later the music started and Roxxy stepped in behind her. "Smile," she whispered against Olivia's ear as she placed her hands against Olivia's hips and moved them slowly to the right then back to the left. "You feel it?" Olivia opened her eyes again as Roxxy stepped back and let her move with the music. "There you go, loosen up a little. It is a lot easier if you can have a little fun with it."

Olivia smirked. Yeah, fun wasn't exactly what she was thinking. She was nervous as hell and scared to death and her fear very well may have been the only thing compelling her to stick with this. She hated being afraid, of anything. Fear made her vulnerable and weak. And feeling like that reminded her of the way her mother used to break her down. She promised herself growing up that she would never allow herself to feel that way again. So she had to do this, to save that little girl inside her and every innocent victim of this underworld Ramero had created. It was up to her to stop it.

She took a deep breath and followed the steps exactly as Roxxy had done them. The routine wasn't really that bad and the more she could keep them into the tease, the less actual skin she would have to show. She did really well until it came time for her to go topless. That was a hurdle.

Olivia was a little shy and a very private person. She didn't even really discuss her private life at work. Except for Elliot, most of the people she worked with knew very few details about her childhood and life outside the Special Victims Unit. It didn't really matter, because in their profession they all spent so much time at work they didn't really have much time for a personal life anyway. And now she was about to stand in front of these men who knew little about her outside of work, men she had to see every day of her life and drop her clothing and strut around topless. It didn't bother her so much strangers staring at her body, but she would have to face Cragen and Fin and Munch every day. Elliot had seen her naked many times. You can do this Olivia, she thought to herself. Just suck it up and do it!

Roxxy had managed to fill the routine with enough small of the small stuff that she didn't really have to do much on the pole. That was a good thing, because Olivia really wasn't looking forward to spinning around and dangling upside down. She was certain with her nerves she would either vomit or fall on her head and blow the entire case.

"You've got it. You just need to practice and smooth it out. When you come in tomorrow, wear something you can move comfortably in. We will run through this one a couple of more times and get you started on another routine. I think you need three, maybe four and you should be okay. Your first day or two he probably wont give you much alone time on stage. He will probably work you in with another girl. That probably works better for you anyway. They will choose the music and it is kind of freestyle. You can work together or on your own. For that you could just use the individual steps from your routine. No one is going to notice if you reuse moves anyway, they will be looking at your body. I honestly think you will do fine. Just remember to smile and keep your head up. Look into their eyes as you walk past them, you want each them to think he is the only one you want."

"Thank you, Roxxy." Olivia smiled at her for a minute.

"You are welcome. You know, I have owed Don Cragen a favor for quite some time. And when he called me and asked me to help him take this down, I thought he was crazy. No one in this business makes a move with out Ramero's say so."

"Not even you?"

"Not even me. We're on a payment plan, he gets a quarter of the profits and he lets me stay in business. But my place is clean and safe. I try to help these girls get away from the kind of thing that Ramero is doing. When Don told me his plan I thought he was crazy. I wasn't exactly too thrilled when you walked in here today looking like a cop, but I think it is going to work out just fine."

Olivia smiled at her, "I have to get back to work."

"Okay, same time tomorrow."

Olivia climbed into the car to head back to work. She flipped down the visor mirror and looked at herself. "I should have just worn the costume back, see what they think about that." She said to herself with a smile. She started the car and headed back to work.


	16. 16 Sasha Dawn

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Sixteen: Sasha Dawn)_

The next couple of days passed by quickly and Olivia was feeling more confident about being ready for this assignment. She had learned four routines working with Roxxy and she was actually starting to feel like they were pretty close friends. Tonight was her first night actually working for Ramero and the real test still lie ahead. Would he buy this ridiculous masquerade? She wondered to herself. This was so out of character for her. She prayed he would, because if he didn't she was in a world of trouble that she may never make it out of.

Cragen opened his office door and called Olivia into his office.

Here we go she thought to herself as she stood up and made her way across the room.

"Olivia, these gentlemen are our new friends from Narcotics. They are going to be helping us out these next few days. This is Alex Johnston, Jeremy Davis and David Brooks."

Olivia shook hands with each of the men as she felt them looking over her body and two of them had stupid looks cross their faces. She knew they were all trying to picture her naked and wondering what she would look like up on the stage. Men are such pigs, she thought to herself as she rolled her eyes and turned to look back at Cragen.

"Here are your credentials, New York drivers license, a couple of credit cards, key and address to your new home for the next four days, a cell phone and we put dummy plates one of our cars," he said tossing her the keys. "I can't let you take in a weapon, but there is one inside the car and in the apartment. John, Fin, Elliot and myself will all have an ankle holster just in case we need a weapon and each of these gentlemen will be armed as well. Are we ready to take this down?"

Olivia nodded her head.

"I spoke to Fin this morning, he is in position and so is Elliot. Fin went in as an old friend of Mr. Carter, an old business associate of Ramero's who had graciously decided he is ready to help us out. I guess his kid was one of the teens who over dosed on this Pixie Dust and he wants to help get it off the street. Anyway, he helped lay down the cover story. You were one of his girls and he sold you out to Fin. Now Fin is bringing you in to Ramero. We needed someone Ramero could trust to get us in and he was our guy. Olivia, you get to this apartment and get settled. Roxxy will be by to help you get ready in about two hours. Fin will be around to pick you up once he gets the call to find out where the party is tonight and he will tip off you three, so everyone be ready. We have three day to make this happen. If we don't get it in three days, I am pulling her out and we walk away. Everyone focus and lets put this bastard away!"

Olivia went back by her real apartment to gather some clothing and some personal items and drop off her purse and weapon. Then she got into the car and set off to find her living quarters for the next few days. The apartment was small with street parking and had no elevator, so the fact that it was on the third floor just made it that much more charming. The neighbor hood wasn't a really bad one, but it wasn't exactly good either.

She unlocked the door and turned on the lights. The place was a little run down and smelled a bit but really didn't look that bad. They had gone to a rental place and moved in all new furniture to make the place appear lived in and the bedroom had a sheet over the window instead of curtains. Olivia exhaled and opened the closet doors to see all of the clothing they had hung inside. Most of it was trashy and at least two sizes too big for her anyway and the rest was just lingerie. It was a good thing she had thought to bring her own clothing with her.

She walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge as she dropped her duffel bag and began to unpack her own things. Lucky for her Roxxy was supposed to bring buy all of her costumes for the routines she was supposed to perform. She opened the dresser and emptied one of the drawers putting it's contents in with the things in another drawer, then placed her clothes inside. She slid her shoes off and unbuttoned her jeans, grabbed a tee shirt and a pair of panties and headed for the shower. An hour later Roxxy was there with costumes and make up to help Olivia get ready.

Around seven o'clock Fin showed up at the apartment and Olivia was really glad to see him. She was starting to get really nervous and having him there with her helped. She hadn't seen he or Elliot in the last three days, they had been on the inside and she wasn't allowed to contact them.

"How you doin?" Fin asked as he watched her fidget nervously.

"I'm okay, a little nervous. But I'm okay."

"Listen, you need help at any time or decide it's to much and you want out, just tell me. Get me some kind of signal and we are out. I'm not letting you out of my site. I have something for you."

He pulled out a small ankle bracelet and handed it to her, Olivia looked at him and smiled as she leaned down and clasped it to the end of her long leg. "Thank you. Is it for luck?"

"You could say that. It's a tracking device. You been hoe-jacked," he joked. Olivia looked at him and was obviously not amused. "This way if we get separated we can find you. Listen, don't be nervous. It is going to be fine. Are you ready?"

Just as Olivia started to answer Fin's dummy phone rang. He put the phone to his ear. "Yeah….okay. We're ready. She is here and ready to go to work. I was just discussing the rules with her. Ahh, she won't let you down. Like I told you before, she hasn't danced much. But Roxxy has been working with her and she is good. You got an address for me. Yeah, yeah, okay. One hour, alright." Fin closed the phone and Olivia took a deep breath. "Here we go."

An hour later Olivia was standing in a makeshift club with Fin, waiting to meet with Ramero. She had seen him before, but only from afar on stake outs and they had never had enough to make him. Lucky for them, none of their crew had ever really gotten close enough for him to see them of recognize them either. They took a seat at the bar and waited for him to enter the room.

"Can I get you something?" A sexy brunette behind the bar asked Fin.

"Jack on the rocks and a vodka martini straight up." Olivia crossed her legs and looked around the room. There were half naked women everywhere. Three dancers on the stage and waitresses all over the room wearing only lingerie and a short apron. She really had her work cut out for her this time.

The bartender brought their drinks and Olivia's hand trembled as she reached out for it. "Calm down," Fin whispered as he leaned in to her.

She took a sip from the glass and sat it back on the bar in front of her. "That is easy for you to say, you are not the one sitting here in your underwear," she mumbled and he turned to smile at her.

"You let one of these guys lay a hand on you and trust me, between me and Elliot he aint going to be using his dick for a long time."

She looked at him and rolled her eyes as she scanned the room once more. Then all of a sudden a pair of bright blue eyes caught hers and she smiled. Olivia took a deep breath and watched him as he pretended not to stare at her.

Elliot was standing across the room near a dance floor but he could not take his eyes off Olivia. He looked her in the eye once more and she watched as he mouthed one word to her "relax." Olivia smiled and took another drink from her glass. She did feel much better now that she had seen him. And the vodka was helping too. Her drink was stronger than she usually took them and she wanted to stay alert so she only drank about half of it. A few more minutes and she was face to face with Ramero for the first time.

He looked her over and moved his hands over her body. His actions reminded Olivia of a farmer about to purchase a horse. She said nothing and just smiled her best smile and remembered to hold her head up and look him in the eye.

Carter said she was nice. Glad to see I wasn't disappointed. Olivia smiled at the mans desperate attempt at flattery. If you will follow me I will show you around back stage. Ramero took her by the hand and lead her back stage with Fin hot on his heels.

He showed her to the dressing area and pointed out a locker where she could put her things. Olivia slipped off her jacket and placed it inside with her purse containing her new ID. Ramero pulled Fin outside the door to talk business while she got ready to take the stage.

"You are on in five minutes," Ramero called to her from the other side of the door.

This was it, Olivia thought to herself as she stared into the mirror. She was hoping Ramero would ease her into this, but obviously he was more of a sink or swim kind of guy. Olivia reapplied her lip stick and touched up her hair. She grabbed a container from the table in front of her and dusted herself lightly with a shimmery body powder. Then stood up and walked toward the door.

"I'm ready," she said to Ramero as he looked her over once more.

"No need to be nervous, you have exactly what they want. You just have to get out there and sell it to them." He leaned in against the side of her face and she could feel his hot breath in her ear, "show me what you've got." He placed his hand on the small of her back and pushed her toward the stage.

Olivia could hear the Emcee as he called out into the microphone and she closed her eyes to pray.

"We've got a little something new for you tonight. Please put your hands together and give a nice warm welcome to Sasha Dawn!"

Olivia's eyes widened almost in panic as she turned to look at Fin. He motioned for her to get out on the stage. She took a deep breath and nodded her head then jerked open the curtain and walked out into the room full of men.

The spotlights on the stage were so bright she couldn't see anyone in the audience. There was another girl on the stage already, but she was off doing her own thing. Olivia was wearing a white mini skirt and a matching V-neck blouse that left little to the imagination. Her ten inch heels and short skirt made her long legs appear even longer. She moved her hands slowly up her body as she closed her eyes and listened to the music.

She began executing the moves from her routines just as Roxxy had shown them to her, but the men in the audience didn't seem to be interested. They were yelling out and reaching for her. Touching her feet and legs. Olivia started to panic and stumbled back ward until she ran into someone standing behind her.

She took a deep breath as she felt hands on her body and turned for a second to see who was touching her. She felt her heart pounding, she was horrified. A hand from behind her turned her face back to the audience and she felt a body move in close behind hers. "Smile," she heard against her ear and she couldn't help but to do it.

"And joining her sister Sasha on stage tonight…. some of you may remember her….a very special guest….ROXXY!" The crowd cheered and Olivia felt relieved and the music changed and she and Roxxy moved into an improvisational routine that the men ate up.

Roxxy was in no way shy and that was probably good, because Olivia was petrified and could have easily spent the entire time on stage just standing still in panic. The men in the audience went wild for two long legged women wearing next to nothing dancing together.

Roxxy stepped in behind Olivia pulling their bodies together and held her arm against Olivia's waist as they moved together through the steps of the routine, rolling their hips and moving hands over each other. Roxxy backed Olivia up and pushed her down into a chair as she moved around behind her removing her own blouse and using it to tie Olivia to the chair. She danced around provocatively and made it look really dirty, then moved around behind Olivia and released her from the chair.

They danced together as Roxxy moved her hand up the outside of Olivia's thigh to get a reaction from the men. It worked perfectly. She placed her hands against Olivia's hips and swayed her hands with them sliding the short skirt up even higher. Out of pure instinct Olivia dropped her hands to stop the skirt from going up any further. She spun around turning her back to the men watching as she grasped the pole and slowly lowered her body to the floor then pulled herself back up.

She took Roxxy's hat and placed at an angle on her head as she shot a devilish smile to the crowd and heard them all roar again. Roxxy moved in behind her once more and moved her hands under Olivia's shirt and she felt her bra fall loose as Roxxy slid it out of the blouse and tossed it out into the crowd. Now in the right light the white blouse she wore was pretty much invisible.

Olivia turned her back to them once more as she danced slowly around the pole showing off her long legs. She moved her hips slowly and flipped her hair back as she started to unbutton the buttons on the white blouse one by one. It was held now by two small buttons as she crawled across the stage and raised up on her knees. She smoothed her hands over her flat stomach and abs as the men at the front of the stage whistled and called out to her. She flipped her hair back again as she brought herself to her feet and turned to strut away from them. She paused for a moment as she unbuttoned the last two buttons of the blouse and stared over her shoulder at the crowd as she lowered it from her back and into the floor.

Just then the music stopped. Perfect timing. She stood with her bare back to the audience and her chest against the pole, exposing just she curve of her breasts from under her arms. She stood there wearing only a thong, the white mini skirt, high heels, Fin's ankle bracelet and Roxxy's hat as she smiled over her shoulder to the crowd as they clapped and whistled and cheered.

Olivia took a deep breath and walked off stage as Roxxy handed her the white shirt.

"You did it, kid." Roxxy said with a smile.

"How did you…"

"I got a little worried, so I put in a call to Ramero. I told him you were my little sister and to take care of you. He said he had just met you and you seemed nervous as hell. I figured I would stop by. I walked back stage and saw you freeze up, I couldn't just let you stand out there like that."

"Thank you so much," Olivia said as they both got dressed again.

"You should get back out to Ramero, he will be ready to put you on the floor. You are pretty popular tonight. You are probably going to have offers coming in like crazy."

Olivia had almost forgotten about that part.

"You did good," Roxxy said standing to leave. "Good luck."

Olivia stood up beside her. "Roxxy, Thank you." She reached her hand out to shake Roxxy's hand and Roxxy hugged her. "You going to be okay now?"

"I guess we'll see."

"Well, I was thinking I could talk to Ramero. See if maybe we couldn't dance a few as a team. Kind of like tonight. Maybe that would help you out, at least until you are more comfortable up there alone."

"Umm, yeah that would be great."

"I'll see what I can do. I will see you tomorrow before work. I have a new costume that would look so good on you."

"Oh, okay." Olivia smiled and walked as Fin entered the dressing room.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Can I just say how hot that was?"

"Don't push it Tutuola," Olivia snapped jokingly as she turned to look at him. "Do you think he bought it?" She whispered.

"Everyone did. You should have seen the look on Munch's face when she threw your bra off the stage. You should have seen the look on your face. I was worried until she stepped out there."

"Yeah, so was I. I thought I was going to throw up right there."

"Ramero is waiting at the bar for us."

"Well, lets not keep him waiting."

Fin escorted Olivia out to meet up with him.

The night was long and Olivia's feet were killing her by the time it was over. Ramero had her working the floor delivering drinks, which also meant being touched and rubbed up against by men who were so drunk they couldn't get it up if they wanted to. Fin approached "Sasha" with her first customer, one of the guys from Narcotics. Olivia draped herself all over him and lead him to the back where they have the V.I.P. rooms where the sex takes place. About forty minutes later he left the room with a smile on his face and she messed up her hair a little and walked back out and handed Fin a hand full of money. It was quite a show and Ramero watched the entire thing carefully.

Fin drove her back to the apartment and walked her up to make sure she made it okay. Olivia kicked her heels off and got into a hot shower to wash the evening off her skin. She stepped out and wrapped herself in a bath robe as she heard a knock at the door. She walked slowly to the door to gaze through the peek hole and saw the most gorgeous blue eyes staring back at her. She smiled and laughed as she opened the door and let Elliot in.

"Wait here," she said softly as she went to the bedroom and put on a tee shirt and a pair of boxers.

"That's my shirt," he said as she reentered the room.

"They are your boxer's too," she added with a smile. "What's up?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to come by here and see if you were okay."

"I think so. I was really nervous, but it worked out. Two days left."

"It scared me. Seeing you up there, looking so lost. And all of those men trying to grab you and touch you."

She sat down on the couch and looked into the floor. "It scared me too. I would have been in a lot of trouble if Roxxy hadn't shown up when she did."

"You did good. It was really sexy."

She laughed and smiled at him. "That is what Fin said."

Elliot took a deep breath and exhaled.

"It still bothers you, me being up there? Elliot try not to worry, it really wont help anything."

"Yeah, I know. But I can't help it. My partner is stripping onstage in front of a bunch of dangerous guys."

"Your partner or your ex-girlfriend?" She shifted her dark eyes up to look at him.

"Both, I guess. I'm trying to get all defensive here, but that is part of my job."

"Yeah."

He reached out and took her hand in his. "I worry about you."

"I know you do," she said standing and he stood in front of her. "But I'm okay, EL."

Elliot leaned in and hugged her. He held her tight in his arms for a minute and could feel her trembling still from the excitement of the night. "Are you sure?" He asked looking into her eyes.

"I'm sure, I just need to get some sleep. It has been a long night and I have to do it all again tomorrow."

"I'll see you later," he said leaning in to kiss her forehead then he turned to go.

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you stay?"

He turned around to look into her eyes.

"I mean, just until I fall asleep? I have trouble sleeping in strange places."

Elliot walked over to her and placed his arm on her shoulder, "Of course."

Olivia smiled at him and hugged him. "Thank you," she whispered softly and they headed for the bedroom.

Elliot laid beside her with one arm over her as she closed her eyes to go to sleep. He watched her and prayed they would all make it through this safely. He stared at her sure she was asleep until her eyes fluttered open to look into his. "You can go too sleep if you want," she said softly.

He leaned in and kissed her forehead once more then pulled her into his arms and held her tight. As long as he was here, with her, he knew she was safe. He held her all night long as they both slept in the strange apartment.


	17. 17 Trouble

_**In Too Deep**_

_**(Chapter Seventeen: Trouble)**_

**Olivia's eyes fluttered open as the sunlight spilled in around the edges of the sheet that covered the window across the room. She shifted a little then turned her head upward to look at Elliot who was now staring back at her.**

"**What are you doing?" She asked with a smile.**

"**Watching you sleep."**

**She rolled over and sat up in the bed as she scratched her head and took a deep breath. "I can't believe I have to do this again tonight," she said looking down at the floor. She groaned and laid back on the bed again.**

"**You okay?"**

"**I'll be fine. I'm almost nauseous though. A little hung over. It's just from being so nervous. And that martini last night was strong and I probably should have eaten something before I went, but I figured with my nerves it would just make me sick."**

"**I should fix you something to eat," Elliot replied as he stared into her eyes. "You wait here and I will make you breakfast in bed." Olivia smiled as he kissed her nose. "Scrambled eggs with toast and coffee."**

"**Oh," she almost groaned again. "No eggs, I don't think I can handle eggs."**

"**What would you like?"**

**She thought for a minute then her eyes lit up. "Your pancakes."**

"**All these years I have known you I always thought you didn't like pancakes."**

"**I don't, but I love yours!"**

"**Pancakes it is! And coffee. You wait right here it will only take a few minutes."**

**A little while later Elliot returned with a two plates of food and sat down on the bed beside her. "Here you go," he said handing her a cup of coffee.**

"**I can't help but wonder…"**

"**What?" Elliot asked taking a bite of his food.**

**She smiled then laughed. "If Munch ever cooked Fin breakfast in bed."**

**They both laughed.**

"**I think we have done a lot of things that Munch and Fin have not done together."**

"**Well, I hope so." She said looking at him almost in disgust at the thought of Munch and Fin sleeping together.**

"**So what is on the agenda for today?"**

"**Pretty much the same thing. Roxxy comes over around five to help me get ready. Fin comes in a little later and around seven we get the call. Then it's off to work."**

"**You get anything on him?"**

"**Fin has got some stuff, I'm not sure exactly what. But he is wired so they are listening to his conversations with Ramero. He also has Ramero convinced that I am already hooked on Pixie Dust, so he thinks I'm in. For now I just have to wait it out. There is supposed to be some kind of big deal soon. Fin is trying to get the inside scoop on that. And he is bringing in some new girls tonight. A couple of them are supposed to be really young."**

**Elliot reached up and brushed her hair from the side of her face. "You be careful."**

"**I will," she replied giving him a soft smile.**

"**It is almost noon now. Man, I'm not used to this late night stuff."**

"**I didn't get back here until after four this morning. Then you came over. It was probably close to five before we went to bed."**

"**You should try to get some more rest and just lay low. I'm going to head back to my new crib and check in with Cragen. See if he has any idea how and when we are taking this down. I will see you tonight."**

"**Okay."**

**Elliot leaned in and kissed her forehead and brushed his thumb across her lips.**

"**Liv, I…"**

"**I know," she said softly as she smiled. As much as she wanted to hear him say those words, they would only make this situation harder on both of them. She laid back down in the bed and closed her eyes.**

**That evening Olivia entered the club with Fin and Roxxy. She felt a knot tighten in her stomach at the thought of getting on that stage again. She felt a hand against her arm and looked up and smiled as she saw Roxxy smile at her. Somehow it was a great relief that she was there. It still didn't get Olivia out of doing it, but she wasn't up there alone. **

**Fin escorted them back to the dressing room and waited outside the door as they got ready.**

"**I have your costume," Roxxy said with a devious smile.**

**Olivia turned to look at her as Roxxy handed her a bag from a costume shop. She opened the bag and inside was a sexy police uniform complete with a gun, handcuffs and a night stick. "How did I not see this coming?" Olivia asked as she looked up at Roxxy and they both laughed.**

"**Just try it on, I think it will look great."**

**Olivia stepped behind the curtain and put on the costume. "This is so wrong," she said aloud looking at herself in the mirror.**

"**Let me see it," Roxxy said jerking open the curtain. "That is so hot. You've got it honey, you might as well show it off."**

"**My boss is sitting out there! Not to mention a few guys I have to work with who I would rather not see me dressed like this."**

"**Relax honey, you won't be wearing it for long." Roxxy winked at Olivia and handed her the handcuffs to her outfit. "Besides, we can have a lot of fun with this one. And the more you put on, the more you have to take off. If we keep working it like we did last night we might be able to get away with you only getting half naked. Plus, it goes with my costume."**

"**I'm afraid to ask."**

"**I'm the convict." Roxxy opened the curtain again to reveal a black and white striped mini skirt and matching button up blouse with fishnet stockings and black patent leather heels.**

**Roxxy stood next to Olivia as she looked them over in the mirror. Olivia wore thigh high black patent leather boots with a zipper up the inside, an extremely short black spandex mini skirt, with a belt and all of her props, a navy spandex shirt that buttoned up the front and had a tie at the bottom to show off her belly, a badge and a hat. **

"**This is perfect," Roxxy said with a smile.**

"**Yeah," Olivia replied with a worried look on her face.**

**Just then they heard a knock at the door. Olivia assumed it was Fin and invited him in. Instead Ramero stepped inside. He walked over and inspected both women.**

"**You two look nice," he said with a look that made Olivia's skin crawl.**

"**Thank you," she said quietly.**

"**Roxxy, give us a moment doll. Sasha and I have a little business to discuss." **

**Olivia's eyes flashed to Roxxy then onto the floor.**

"**We have to be onstage in about five minutes," Roxxy said trying to divert Ramero and keep him from being alone with Olivia.**

"**Tell Brent to stall, this will only take a few minutes."**

**Roxxy looked at Olivia with a look of panic, but followed the order not knowing what else to do.**

**Ramero followed Roxxy across the room and locked the door after she left then turned his attention back to Olivia. **

**Olivia took a deep breath and looked him in the eye trying not to show him she was afraid. "Is there something I can help you with?"**

**Ramero drew back his hand and smacked her across the cheek bone hard. Olivia stumbled back a few steps and raised her hand to her cheek. She felt her heart pounding so hard in her chest she thought she would throw up. Where the hell was Fin? Had Ramero made her for a cop? She stood still waiting for him to speak unsure of what he already knew and prayed it wasn't enough to get her killed.**

"**I thought you understood how this business works," Ramero shouted at her at he moved his face in inches from hers. Olivia nodded her head. "Then how could you possibly think that you could have your little boyfriend over last night and think that I wouldn't find out?" She stood quiet and didn't move. "There is no moonlighting. Everyone pays. Everyone pays me. So the way I see it, you owe me for that one." He grabbed her chin and forced her to look into his eyes. "It will come out of your check." **

**Olivia nodded again, "I'm sorry. I screwed up and it will never happen again."**

"**It better not. This is your one and only warning. I let you in here because I know Roxxy and I have known Carter since we were kids." Ramero walked toward Olivia as she backed against the wall. He placed his hand against her thigh and moved it slowly up as he stared into her eyes. "Now I don't usually sell a product I have not sampled." Oh God, she thought as she blinked her eyes at him and tried not to tremble. "But Carter tells me you are worth the money and I took his word on that." Ramero moved his hand up and grabbed Olivia's arm as he turned her and held her against the wall. She didn't resist him, she knew she could easily get free from his hold, but not with out breaking her cover. He moved his mouth in against her ear and slid his hand around to the inside of her thigh and held it there as he stared her down. "You're a firecracker. You're like a wild horse," he whispered staring into the brown of her eyes, "you just need to be broken. Remember, I see everything."**

**Olivia nodded once more and he released her. They were going to have to get this done and quick or it was going to get bad. She leaned up against the counter as she heard Fin pounding against the door. Ramero walked to it, opened it and walked out shooting a look at Fin as they passed. Fin ran in to Olivia's side.**

"**Where were you?" She almost gasped.**

"**I took a call from Cragen. What the Hell happened?"**

"**Nothing. I'm fine," Olivia replied twisting her hair up and pinning it under her hat. "I have to get out there. Fin, we have to get this and fast," she whispered holding back tears as she walked toward the door.**

"**Liv, I'm sorry. I stepped away from the door for a second to take the call. When I came back and it was locked I figured you were changing. Then I saw Roxxy and she told me to get in here. What happened?"**

**Olivia shook her head and walked past him to the stage.**

**The routine went over well. They took advantage of the obvious role play and used the props. Roxxy pretty much stuck to the same routine they had used the night before. Everything seemed to be fine.**

**Backstage Fin was waiting to find out exactly what had happened between Ramero and Olivia.**

"**I don't want to talk about it," she said as she passed him in the hall.**

"**That hand print across your cheek does quite a bit of talking on it's own."**

"**Elliot came by last night, he was worried. He stayed, nothing happened. Ramero has a shadow on me and he thinks that we hooked up. You should check on Elliot. We may have screwed up bad."**

"**Elliot is standing out front, same position he was last night. I saw Ramero have some heated words with him, but it was nothing like this." Fin brushed back a piece of her hair to inspect the mark on her face. **

"**It will be fine."**

"**It's going to bruise."**

"**Not much I can do about it now, I have to get out there. Just get me some customers, try to keep me off the floor. I don't want Elliot to see this. And get the message to him to stay away, tell him I am fine. You have got to get something on him, Fin. We have to get him. I am putting my ass on the line, literally and he has to go down."**

"**He will. I'm going to set you up with some business. The night will be over soon."**

"**Okay," Olivia said taking a deep breath.**

**That night after Fin walked her to her apartment door and made sure she was safely inside. Olivia showered and curled up in bed to go to sleep. Beside her on the night stand was the loaded weapon they had stashed for her in the apartment. **


	18. 18 Melissa Mathews

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Eighteen: Melissa Mathews)_

Day three and the final day of the assignment. Olivia stared at herself in the mirror as she wondered how much of this character "Sasha Dawn" was just acting and how much of it was really her. She had curled and fixed her hair then dusted her eyes with gold dust eye powder. Her eyes were heavily lined in black and her lipstick was dark. She would never dress like this or fix her make up this way any other time, but something inside her was excited by it all now. This case had completely consumed her, not only her, but all of them for the last several months. But for her in the last seven days, there had been no escape. She had transitioned into this woman they all wanted her to become and now in a matter of hours for better or worse, it would all be over.

Olivia pressed her lips together and slid some silver bangle bracelets over her arm. She wore a white layered blouse that clipped in the back with a silver chain and was cut almost to her navel. Showed quite a bit more cleavage that she would have ever dared to before this had all began. And a tight, short, black mini skirt with black patent leather stiletto heels that in combination greatly accented her features. Olivia never would have worn this, but now standing in front of her in the mirror was Sasha Dawn. And Sasha would do a lot of things that good girl Olivia, wouldn't dare. She pressed her lips together and fluffed her hair with her fingers as she heard a knock on the door. She walked down the hall and opened it to stare into Fin's eyes.

"Wow," he said with his jaw standing open.

"Close your mouth you're drooling," she replied as she walked across the room and seated herself on the couch.

"Where's Roxxy?"

"She's going to meet us there."

"Ahh. You did this on your own?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No. It's just that she has come over here the last two nights to help…"

"I can manage to put on clothing without assistance."

"I can see that," Fin replied as his phone rang.

Olivia walked down the hall to check her make up in the mirror once more.

"Are we ready?"

"I am," she replied as she slipped into her jacket and walked down the stairs in front of him.

They arrived at the new location twenty minutes later. Fin escorted Olivia toward the dressing room. On the way back they crossed paths with Elliot who stared at her, she stopped only for a second in front of him as his eyes scanned her body in disbelief. They started at her feet and moved upward as they landed on a tiny mole on the inside of her left breast that until tonight he was the only man in their department even knew existed. His eyes shifted to hers still unable to believe she had exposed this much skin in front of everyone. She batted her eyes, flipped her hair and walked on past him. Obviously confidence was no longer a problem for her.

Back in the dressing room Olivia sat next to Roxxy waiting to go on stage.

"Any idea how this is going to happen?" Roxxy asked her quietly.

"We wait for Cragen's signal," Olivia replied.

"What is the signal."

"He didn't tell me, but I will know. It will be something out of the ordinary and when I let you know, you get the hell out of the way."

"That's it?"

"What do you mean that's it? This is serious and it isn't going to be easy. When I tell you, get the hell off that stage. Let me worry about the rest. We have guys all through the room, we will get him. I just need you to get out of the way."

"Okay." Roxxy sat down beside her for a minute and stared at her in the mirror. "I'm going to miss this," she said softly.

Olivia smiled back at her. "Me too, well kind of. Not the taking my clothes off in front of a hundred drunk horny men part."

They both laughed.

"I don't have a lot of female friends," Roxxy confessed. "Most women only take the time to look down on me once they realize that teaching dance is not my main source of income."

"Roxxy…"

"My name is Melissa."

Olivia smiled at her. "Melissa, you are a wonderful person and I am sure more people would take the time to get to know that if they could get past this image you have tried so hard to create. You ever thing about going straight?"

"I've tried. But it is addicting, you know. Everyone knows me here, I'm famous. Nobody knows Melissa Mathews from Westbrook High School in New Jersey."

"How did you get into this?"

Roxxy laughed. "You expect some story about a poor orphan who had no where else to turn, right?" She took a deep breath and lit a cigarette. "It wasn't like that at all. I came from a good home. Two brothers and a sister. My mother was a teacher and my father dental surgeon, perfect teeth, see." She smiled. "I was the youngest, daddy's girl. Honor roll. A cheerleader and in dance of some sort all of my life. I even got accepted to Julliard on a ballet scholarship. My first year I was accepted to perform in a recital. I was all excited, it was for third and fourth year students only. I thought I must have been so good. Well one night my instructor asked me to stay over to rehearse after everyone else had left. I was naive, I didn't know any better. He put the moves on me and I rejected him. Then one night after a dress rehearsal, I was changing in the locker room and he came in. He made another advance, only this time when I pushed him away he threw me to the floor and raped me."

"Did you report it?"

"Yes. To campus security. They made a big deal because it was a student against a veteran teacher. They supposedly investigated it and found no evidence to support my story. Everyone assumed the accusations were false and I got kicked out of school. When my parents found out they wouldn't let me come back home either. I was alone, in the city with no money and no place to stay. I had just turned eighteen. It's amazing the things you will do for food if you are hungry enough. No one believed me."

Olivia felt tears welling up in her eyes as she reached for Roxxy's hand. "I believe you."

"I stumbled in and out of every diner in the city trying to find a job. Then I met a man on the street who told me I was pretty and he could help me make five hundred dollars a day. It sounded easy enough. I had to take my clothes off, but they couldn't touch me. How bad could it be? That man was Carter, Ramero's former partner. Eventually, the dancing lead to…well, you know what it leads to. Then I looked for an escape, some way not to have to feel what I felt when those men were on top of me. Some way not to feel anything at all. I was dabbling in random things and Ramero, my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on Pixie Dust. Same old story, right?"

"No. This one has a new beginning," Olivia smiled at Roxxy and hugged her. "When this is all over, you will have a new start. What you choose to do with it is up to you."

Roxxy smiled back at Olivia. "Thanks."

"Hey, what are friends for?"

"Five minutes," Ramero called from outside the door.

They looked at each other. Olivia took a deep breath. "Remember, when I tell you, get off the stage."

"I know, get out of the way."

"Melissa," Olivia looked into her eyes, "I don't want you anywhere near this when it all goes down. Ramero is not going to go without a fight and there are at least seven men I know of out there who are armed. That isn't counting his men. This is going to get much worse before it gets better."

"We'd better get out there."


	19. 19 The Takedown

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Nineteen: The Takedown)_

As Roxxy and Olivia stood backstage waiting to go on Ramero pulled Olivia aside to talk. She was nervous, but he wouldn't try anything with Roxxy just a few feet away.

"A friend of mine is here tonight, a very special guest." Ramero dragged his finger over her collarbone and Olivia swallowed hard. "He said he wants someone really special to accompany him for the evening. I think he will like you. I trust you wont let me down. The way I see it, you owe me already. So lets just say I'm cashing in a favor. I thought maybe later you and Roxxy could uh, entertain him, together." Olivia stared at him trying not to show the panic she felt inside.

"She's my sister! It doesn't work that way," Roxxy said grabbing Olivia's hand and pulling her away from Ramero.

"Well, I never know with you Roxxy. It works every other way." Ramero shifted a glare back at Olivia. He had it out for her now. Roxxy pulled Olivia by the hand as she started up the stairs to the stage. "Wait," Ramero said grabbing Olivia's arm and holding her in place, "this from your little boyfriend?" He asked jerking the bracelet from her ankle and grasping it in his hand.

"No," Olivia answered.

"Then you wont mind if I hold on to it, for safe keeping." Ramero tucked it into the pocket of his white button down shirt.

"Sure," Olivia said calmly and headed out on stage.

Roxxy and Olivia were about half way through their routine when Liv saw Cragen light a cigarette. Here we go she thought to herself. Her eyes flashed to Fin standing at the front of the stage. Fin nodded his head to her and she glanced across the room to where Ramero was standing. He was making some kind of deal for a lot of money and Fin and Munch started to make their way across the room as Olivia motioned for Roxxy to get behind her. She watched for a moment as the Narcotics guys circled in around him.

Olivia turned and walked toward Roxxy. "Get out of here," she called to her from across the stage, but Roxxy couldn't hear her.

Olivia tried to get closer to Roxxy, but some of the guys at the front of the stage were grabbing at her feet making it hard for her to walk. "Roxxy, get out of here!" She shouted over the crowd and loud music.

Roxxy turned and walked toward the back of the stage as Olivia heard three gunshots. She spun around to see Ramero had shot one of the Narcotics guys and was headed out toward the back entrance. She called to Fin and pointed, but no one heard her over the noise and panic in the room. The rest of the crew had lost him in the commotion.

Olivia jumped from the stage and went out after him as people scattered everywhere. She focused her attention solely on Ramero and went after him. She wasn't going to let him get away this time. She got half way across the room before she grabbed him. She hadn't fully thought this through and realized now that she was unarmed. At first Ramero pushed her off of him and into the floor. As he turned to run he realized the police had the back entrance blocked and he was going to need help getting out.

He reached for Olivia as she turned trying to get away from him, but he grabbed her and held a gun to her head as he walked back toward the front of the club. By now most of the customers and other girls had scattered out the front door and had been greeted by the officers outside. Now it was just their team, Ramero and a couple of his men. Munch and the Narcotics guys went out after Ramero's men while Cragen, Fin and Elliot went after Olivia and Ramero.

Ramero held one arm tight around Olivia's waist as he dragged her in front of him and across the room. She scanned the room with her eyes and saw Elliot coming up from the side of the bar. Ramero hadn't noticed him yet. If Elliot could get him from the side she could get away from his grip. Olivia started to struggle and he shifted his grip from her waist to her hair, pulling it tight behind her as he pointed the gun under her chin.

Elliot stood still and let Ramero walk past him. If this went down wrong, Olivia would be killed for sure. He caught a glimpse of the fear in her eyes as Ramero past him and a single tear rolled off her cheek as she looked at Elliot. He had to somehow get her out of this.

Ramero walked closer toward the door until Fin was the only one standing in his way and the rest of the men were behind him. Elliot still stood at his side and just out of his vision, kept his eye on Olivia. The second that gun moved far enough away from her face and he got a clear shot he was taking it, for now he wouldn't even blink. Elliot moved slowly around the side until he could make eye contact with Olivia and she stared into his eyes. Fin was trying to talk Ramero down and cut him a deal if he let her go, but he wasn't falling for it. He had been here before.

Olivia looked into Fins eyes, then shifted hers down and toward Elliot. Fin nodded his head working it in as part of the conversation with Ramero. Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she felt her heart pounding in her throat. Here goes nothing she thought to herself as she tipped her foot and slid out of her shoe dropping her seven inches closer to the ground and catching Ramero off guard. She flipped around and hit him in the bridge of the nose with her elbow and slid across the floor in Elliot's direction. She scurried across the floor and could hear Ramero behind her as she ran her hand up Elliot's pant leg and pulled the gun from his ankle holster spun around and grazed Ramero's left shoulder with a shot. Elliot grabbed Olivia pulling her to her feet.

But it wasn't over yet. Ramero fired a shot at Fin and one of his men started shooting at them as they tried to go after him. Olivia raised the gun in her hand and was about to take a clear shot when she was hit twice in the right shoulder from across the room. She dropped the gun and winced in pain as she slid down the wall behind her. She looked up and saw the man who shot her as he and Ramero ducked out the back door.

"She's hit! Call a bus," Elliot called out across the room as he rushed to Olivia's side.

"They went out the back Elliot," she gasped as he pulled off his jacket and pressed against her wounds to try to stop the blood.

"Fin, they went out the back!" Fin and Munch ran out after Ramero and the man who shot Olivia as two of the Narcotics guys cuffed the rest of Ramero's guys and Cragen called in a bus. Luckily, the team outside already had one waiting and the were in the building in seconds.

Elliot sat with Olivia in the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Alex Johnston from Narcotics, suffered a bad chest wound when Ramero shot him in the chest and was rushed to the hospital in another ambulance.

Twenty minutes later Olivia sat on a table in the emergency room as the doctor inspected her shoulder. Her white blouse was now soaked in her blood and you could see her black lace bra through the material.

"Well, we got lucky with the first shot. It doesn't seem to have hit anything major and went clean through."

"What about the second," Elliot asked as the doctor tried to get Liv to move her fingers for him.

"Our problem now is that I have two entry wounds and only one exit. You still have a bullet lodged in here someplace."

Olivia was turning pale and feeling dizzy from her loss of blood.

"I would like to get her into surgery as soon as possible to get this out. But first I need to get you to x-ray to figure out exactly where it is."

Olivia nodded and groaned as the doctor helped her into a wheel chair. She couldn't close her hand all of the way and the doctor thought it was probably because of the position of the remaining bullet. Elliot waited for her to come out of x-ray and they moved her into a room to await the results.

A little while later the doctor returned and showed them the x-rays.

"We found it, right in here. It's imbedded in this area called the brachial plexus. It is a bundle of nerves in the shoulder that connect to the spine. Compression of the bullet against these nerves or any damage to these nerves due to the path of the bullets could result in nerve damage and be what is causing trouble with your hand. I would like to go ahead and repair some of these nerves when I go in to remove the bullet."

"Okay," Olivia said softly. "But will I regain the use of my hand? I can't fire a weapon like this. If I can't fire a weapon, I can't do my job."

"Well, you are going to be out of your job for at least six weeks. I won't know for sure the extent of the damage until I get inside and take a look at it. I will know a lot more after the surgery. I would like to go ahead and get you prepped and in within the next hour. We're looking at about a four to six hour surgery, with no complications."

"Okay."

Elliot sat down beside her on the bed as the doctor stepped out to get the nurse.

"Hey," she said softly. "Are you okay?"

Elliot turned his eyes to look into hers. "This scared the hell out of me," he replied.

"Elliot, I am going to be fine."

Elliot nodded his head as tears streamed down his face and he kissed her softly. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiled and brushed his tears away like he had done for her many times. She kissed him back and he wrapped an arm around her careful not to hurt her wounded shoulder. "Elliot, I am sorry this thing got so crazy."

"It's over now," he said softly kissing her lips again.

"No, Ramero got away."

"But it is over for us," Elliot said.

Olivia nodded her head then raised her eyes to look at him. "Wait, El! The bracelet!"

"What bracelet?"

"The ankle bracelet, that Fin gave me incase we got separated. Ramero thought it was from you. Before I went out on stage tonight he pulled it from my ankle and put it in his shirt pocket. It has a tracking device in it."

Elliot opened his phone to call Fin and relay the information. "They are on it," he said snapping his phone shut.

"We need to get you in to surgery," a nurse said as she entered the room.

"Okay," Olivia agreed.

Elliot kissed her. "I will be right here when you wake up."

"I'm counting on it," she said with a smile and kissed him again.

And the nurse pushed her wheel chair out of the room.


	20. 20 From Bad To Worse

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Twenty: From Bad To Worse)_

Olivia opened her heavy eyes and groaned as she looked around the dark room for a moment unsure of where she was. She looked at the machines beside the bed then shifted her eyes across the room to see Elliot asleep in a chair. She sat up in the bed and started to undo the tape on the bandage over her shoulder to survey the damage.

"I wouldn't do that," he said softly as she her eyes flashed back to him and he smiled. "I must have dozed off waiting for you to wake up."

"How bad is it?" She asked him still worried she would suffer permanent nerve damage from the bullet.

"This bad," Elliot said holding up a little glass jar with the bullet in it. "The doctor saved it for you."

"That was nice of him," she exhaled as she slumped back in the bed.

"He wouldn't give me any details, he wanted to wait until you woke up."

Olivia pushed the call button with her thumb as the nurse answered and asked to speak with her doctor. They waited quietly as Elliot tried to make conversation to occupy his impatient partner.

"Are you in a lot of pain?" He asked sitting beside her bed.

"No. Actually I can hardly feel anything. Accept nauseous, I'm a little queasy."

"I'll talk to the doctor and if everything is okay with him I'll get you something to eat. It has probably been hours."

"Hey, how are we feeling?" The doctor asked in a chipper mood as he entered her room and grabbed her file from the door.

Olivia hated hospitals. She had never been inside one when something good had happened. Only bad things happened here. And she hated chipper, happy doctors when she felt like shit. Her first instinct was to answer with complete and brutal honesty. In a simple I have two bullet wounds in my shoulder and may never use my hand again, have just come out of surgery, my pain medication is wearing off and I am about to puke all over your stupid white coat kind of way.

Instead she blinked her eyes at him and took a deep breath. "I feel sick," she said quietly.

"That is normal. Some people have a little trouble with the anesthesia. I'll have them bring you some crackers, but it should pass in a couple of hours. Are you in any pain?"

"A little. How bad is it?"

"I was able to repair some of the nerve damage. But we will have to wait and see how much feeling comes back over the next few weeks. You are going to need some physical therapy, but I expect a full recovery."

"A couple of weeks?"

"Ms. Benson, your body suffered a severe trauma. It has to heal from the inside out and that is going to take a while. I want to keep you for a few more hours for observation, but if everything goes well I see no reason you can't go home tonight."

"Tonight?" Olivia turned to look at Elliot.

"Liv, it is almost daylight. You were in surgery for four and a half hours. All of this went down last night."

She looked confused for a minute. "Did Fin find Ramero?"

"He was arrested a couple of hours ago."

Olivia groaned again, "Ohhh, I'm gonna be sick." She flipped back the blankets and attempted to stand and walk toward the bathroom. But her legs were heavy from the drugs and she just stumbled. Elliot wrapped his arms around her and helped her to the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later he helped her stand and so she could brush her teeth, then helped her back into bed.

"This is so humiliating," she groaned again as he pulled the blankets back up around her.

"Why? You are sick. The doctor said it is normal. Besides it is just me." He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she stared into his eyes.

"I don't know. You just had to carry me to the bathroom to vomit for twenty minutes. And if things don't change really fast, you are probably going to have to do it again here in a few minutes."

"Close your eyes, Liv. Try to get some rest." Elliot picked up a pink plastic pan the nurse had brought in for her in case she got sick and sat it on the table beside her bed. "I'm right here if you need me," he said softly brushing her hand with his.

"El?" she whispered.

"Yeah Liv?" He whispered back as she closed her eyes.

"Thank you."

"For what honey?"

"Just being here, always. Every time I needed you, even some times I didn't know that I did. You are always here for me." She turned her head to look into his eyes. "I've never had that before," she whispered and closed her eyes again.

"I will always be here for you, Liv."

She moaned softly, then was asleep again.

Elliot picked up her hand and pressed it to his lips then scooted his chair closer to the bed and closed his eyes as well. It had been a long night and neither of them had gotten much sleep, he needed to try to sleep while she did.

Later that afternoon the doctor wrote Olivia a prescription for pain medication and discharged her to go home. Shortly after she and Elliot returned to her apartment Cragen and Fin stopped by with flowers to check on her.

"How are you feeling?" Fin asked looking at the bandage under the strap of her tank top.

"I'll be okay," she said with a smile. "How is Detective Johnston?"

"He didn't make it, Liv. The bullet nicked his heart, he bled out before they could get him to the hospital. Services are tomorrow."

Elliot watched her as a saddened look crossed her face and the thought about what Fin had just said to her.

"I want to go," she said.

"Okay," Elliot agreed.

"I'm surprised I have not heard from Roxxy. I figured she would at least visit me in the hospital."

Fin looked at Cragen as Cragen exhaled.

"What?" Olivia asked. Cragen stared at her trying to form words. "Oh my God, what?" Olivia could feel tears building up in her eyes.

"Liv, Roxxy was killed."

She stared at Cragen in disbelief.

"She caught a stray bullet. Officers found her shortly after the shoot out. It was instant. I'm really sorry."

She turned her eyes to look at Elliot wondering why he hadn't told her.

"Elliot didn't know, he has been with you. I thought I should tell you myself."

Olivia took a deep breath as her warm tears began to fall. "When is the funeral?

"There isn't one. She had no family or next of kin."

"Yes," Olivia said raising her hand to her forehead to think. "Steven and Paula Mathews, they are from somewhere in Jersey."

"I will have someone notify them."

"I will do it," she looked up at Cragen.

"Olivia, you just got out of the hospital."

"I need to do this. I will go there. I don't want to do it by phone. I mean, you find out your daughter is dead. It shouldn't be over the phone."

"I will take you," Elliot said.

"Thanks El, but I think I need to do this alone."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it is only a couple hours away. I will go in the morning and be back in time for Detective Johnston's service tomorrow evening. I will be okay."

"Okay. But I really wish you would let me drive you."

"Elliot, you are supposed to be in court tomorrow morning." Cragen chimed in.

"I'll take her," Fin spoke up.

Olivia turned and looked at him.

"I will drive you there. I can wait in the car and give you as much time as you need. But you shouldn't go alone, especially while your hurt."

She looked at Cragen.

"That is the only way I'm letting you go."

"Okay," Olivia nodded her head. "I want to leave early."

"I'll pick you up at seven? That would put us there by nine."

"Yeah."

"Alright, you get some rest and I will see you in the morning." Fin kissed her on the cheek. "I'd better get back to work."

"Need a lift, Elliot?" Cragen asked.

"No, I'm going to crash on here on the couch in case she needs something. The doctor said she shouldn't be alone the first couple of nights."

"See you tomorrow. Liv, take care, honey."

She nodded her head as they left her apartment.

"You up for some pizza and a movie? My treat."

"No, I think I am just going to take my medicine and go on to bed. I am exhausted. But help yourself to anything, watch whatever you want, you wont bother me. There are fresh sheets on the bed in the guest room. Use it, it is much more comfortable than the sofa."

"Okay. Listen, I will keep my phone next to the bed, if you need me call or text me. I don't want you getting out of that bed."

"Yes, sir." She mocked as she looked at him and sighed.

"Liv, I am so sorry that things worked out the way they did. But you know none of this was your fault," he said brushing her hair back over her ear.

"I don't know, El. She came there to try to protect me," she said sitting on the arm of the sofa. "And I didn't protect her."

"You tried to. Roxxy…"

"Her name was Melissa," she said cutting him off as a tear fell to the floor.

"She knew how dangerous this was. And she chose to work with us to try to take Ramero down. Because of what she did, he is now in prison."

Olivia nodded her head.

Elliot stood in front of her and pulled her into his arms just holding her for a minute. "I have thanked God a thousand times for protecting you," he said looking into her eyes.

"I should get some sleep," Olivia said as she stood up.

Elliot stared into her eyes then kissed her on the forehead, "goodnight sweetheart." He cupped his hand against her cheekbone and stared into her eyes. He wanted so badly to kiss her lips and hold her and make love to her again and show her everything was going to be okay. But they weren't together now and that would only further complicate things.

Olivia stared at him and he felt her heart pounding as she turned her face to kiss him hand. "Good night," she whispered softly and she walked down the hall toward her bedroom. That night as Elliot settled into the guest room to go to sleep, he thanked God again for bringing her back to him. He swore that he was going to get his life back in order and start an honest relationship with her. Elliot knew now that he didn't want to go through his life without her. He had crossed a line before and messed things up, but never again. From now on he was going to do things right and be the man she deserved. He felt so stupid to think that it took almost losing her to realize that she was worth fighting for.

Elliot exhaled deeply as he picked up his cell phone. The text he sent her read six simple words, "I love you Angel. Good night."

A few seconds later he received her reply. "I love you, too."

Olivia smiled as she closed her phone and settled back into her pillow closing her eyes.

The next day she and Fin went to Jersey to break the sad news to Melissa's parents. Somehow Olivia had expected a teary eyed family to fall apart at the news, but all she got was an angry man who shouted at her that his daughter had died to him years before. This hit her like a sucker punch to the stomach. How could these people possibly be like this? Their daughter was dead.

She walked back to the car and climbed into the passengers seat and stared out the window quietly. Fin noticed her tears.

"Didn't go so well, huh?"

"Her father slammed the door in my face. He didn't care."

"Liv, different people grieve in different ways."

"What is going to happen to her?"

"There is no family to release her to."

"So they will just dump her in a city grave?"

"There isn't anyone to pay for a funeral and she didn't have any kind of insurance, so…"

"I'll pay for it," she turned to look at him with tears in her eyes. "She deserves better than a pine box and burial next to a bunch of prisoners and unidentified bodies. She deserves a nice funeral. She saved my life, Fin. If she hadn't been there Ramero would have seen right through me and killed me for sure. She convinced him. She stepped up for me and it got her killed. I owe her this much."

"Olivia, nothing that happened back there was your fault. It went down and it got messy. It was an accident. A tragic accident."

"I know," she looked up at him again. "But she was my friend. I want to do this for her."

"Okay, when we get back to the city I will go with you to make the arrangements."

Fin patted her gently on the back. "You wanna stop somewhere and get something to eat before we head back. You haven't eaten anything and I promised Elliot and the Captain I would take care of you."

She smiled at him, "I wish you guys wouldn't worry so much."

"Hey, it is our job to worry. Besides, what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't even offer to buy a wounded lady a little breakfast?"

"Well, if you are paying."

They smiled at each other.

"Yeah, but don't tell Munch. Or he'll be buggin' me to pay for him from now on."

Fin took her to eat then to make the funeral arrangements. They stopped back by work so she could get her messages and Fin could grab some files he needed to take home with him.

Olivia stood beside her desk talking to Fin as she started to get dizzy. Fin realized something wasn't right when she stopped in mid sentence and he turned his eyes to her. She was pale and started to stumble a little.

"Liv, you okay?" He asked from across the desk. "Maybe you should sit down." He sat the stack of files on his desk and began to walk toward her as Munch and Cragen noticed something was wrong.

"Liv?" Fin said as he approached her.

"Fin," she mumbled softly then she started to collapse.

Fin caught her before she could hit the ground and picked her up in his arms. "Olivia?" He talked to her but she didn't respond.

"Somebody call a bus," Cragen called out across the squad room.

Fin looked up at Munch, "Get the car it will be faster if we just take her ourselves."

Munch pulled the car around and Fin held Olivia in the back seat as his partner raced to the hospital.

"She's breathing," Fin announced. "But she isn't responding."

"Did she say anything?" Munch asked from the front seat of the car as the sirens blared around them.

"No, she was just talking then she got quiet. She looked really pale and collapsed. She acted fine all day."

They got her to the emergency room and placed her on a gurney as the hospital staff rushed her off and herded them into a nearby waiting room telling them nothing.

Fin called Elliot, but his phone was off and he was still in court. Fin stayed there for Olivia while Munch headed across town to try to reach Elliot and let him know what was going on.

Twenty minutes later a nurse came to tell Fin that he could go back and see Olivia.

"Hey," he said softly as he entered her room carrying a flower from a machine downstairs.

"Hey."

"How you feelin?

"I'm fine."

"What happened?"

"I don't know. I just got dizzy. The next thing I knew I woke up in here. The nurse said the doctor did an examine on me while I was unconscious. The doctor is supposed to come in and talk to me in a little while and let me know what is going on."

"I'm sure everything will be okay."

"Yeah, I feel fine now. I'm fine. I just got dizzy."

"Ms. Benson?"

Olivia looked up to see the same doctor that had treated her for the bullet wound.

"Hi. I guess I missed you," she joked, "thought I would come back for a visit. Really, I am fine. I just got a little dizzy and passed out."

The doctor sat on the edge of her bed and shined a light in her eyes. "Did you bump your head when you fell?"

"No, I caught her before she could fall." Fin looked concerned.

"Could we have a few minutes alone please?" The doctor asked looking at Fin.

Fin looked back at Olivia and she nodded her head.

"Sure. Liv, I will be right outside if you need me." Fin stepped out in the hall. The door to her room was closed but the curtains were not pulled all the way shut and he could see her between them. Fin watched her cautiously.

"What is going on?" Olivia asked the doctor. "It must be bad if you are sending him out of the room."

"Well, that is for privacy. Anything you choose to disclose to anyone else is up to you."

"What is it like a brain tumor or something?"

"Not exactly."

"Is this because of the surgery?"

"It is a combination of a reaction from the anesthesia from surgery and the fentanyl I gave you for the pain. Olivia," the doctor paused for a moment and this scared her.

"Yes."

"I am so sorry to have to tell you this. You are having a miscarriage."

"Wait, what?" She looked confused.

"I didn't know you were pregnant when I prescribed the drug. You filled out the forms before surgery and didn't mention the pregnancy."

"Are you sure?" She gasped as she started to cry.

"I'm sure." He reached for her hand as she broke into tears.

"I didn't know," she said as she broke down in tears. "Is there anything you can do?"

"By the time you got here, it was already too late. I can give you something to help with pain and I would like to keep you overnight to make sure there are no more complications."

She sniffled and nodded her head.

Fin watched her crying through the window and paced the hall about ready to break the door down.

"Is there someone I can call for you?"

"No," she sobbed as she buried her face against her pillow and broke down.

"I am going to have them bring you something for pain and I want you to try to get some rest. I will need to come back a little later and examine you more thoroughly to make sure there are no problems." Olivia sighed and turned her attention to the blank wall beside the bed. "Yeah," she said softly.

The doctor no more stepped out of the room and Fin was at her side.

"You okay?" He asked trying to take care of her like he always did.

All she could do was cry. "I'm fine," she gasped refusing to look at him.

"Liv, are you sure?" He didn't want to push her to talk, but he could tell she wasn't fine.

She sniffled and looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Fin, I will be fine," she said softly as he stared at her.

"Olivia, I'm fine and I will be fine are two very different things."

"Fin, I can't right now, okay."

He sat on the edge of her bed and gently kissed her cheek. "Baby girl, you gonna be alright?"

"Eventually," she whispered and he hugged her tight.

"You want me to sit with you? Or do you need some time?"

She exhaled and cleared her throat trying to gain control of her emotions, then looked at him. "I need to try to get some sleep."

"Olivia, Elliot is going to want to now what is going on."

"I had a reaction to the anesthesia and pain medication," she said calmly. "He wants to keep me over night, but I can go back home tomorrow. I'll be okay. Everything is just kind of getting to me, you know?"

"You have had a hard week," he said placing his hand against her shoulder.

"Yeah. Look I don't want Elliot to panic, Fin I'm going to be fine. I promise. I'm going to sleep for a while. They will let him in if he comes by."

Fin stood up and kissed her forehead like he knew Elliot would do if he were here. She was like a sister to him and he hated to see her cry or hurting in any way. He knew there was more than she was telling him, but she wasn't ready and Olivia was stubborn pushing her wouldn't get him anywhere. She would come to him when she was ready for him to know.

"I'm gonna stick around until Elliot gets here and I'll talk to him. You call me if you need me."

"Thanks."

"No problem, Liv."


	21. 21 Out Of Control

_**In Too Deep**_

_**(Chapter Twenty One: Out Of Control)**_

**The next few weeks were especially hard on Olivia. She kept her secret deep inside her. She knew Elliot had a right to know, but any time she had tried she just couldn't find a way to break it to him. What would he think of her? Would he believe that she hadn't known? She couldn't deal with any of this now. **

**She had put together a nice little funeral service for Melissa Mathews and stood crying as they lowered her casket into the ground. Olivia felt horrible, because the loss of her friend was only part of the reason she was breaking down. Elliot had tried to be by her side and comfort her the best he could, but how could he be there for her if she never told him what she was going through? **

**She had began to shut herself off from everyone. And Elliot, the only one who bothered to get her to let him in, she seemed to be pushing away completely. She hadn't allowed him to stay with her or be alone with her. She was afraid to. Because he would want to talk and ask her questions and he would want answers. Answers she wasn't ready to give or to face herself. **

**To make things worse she was still off work because of her shoulder and being away from work gave her plenty of free time to sit around at home and think about everything that was so screwed up in her life.**

**Kathy and Elliot had several meetings with lawyers and were close to working out a custody agreement and his final court date was just weeks away. She should be happy for him, happy for them. She would finally be able to have him to herself. But now she only felt more afraid. Afraid that if he was around more he would force her to talk about it. About this horrible truth she held deep inside her and then he would know that she had lied to him all of this time. **

**She had never lied to him before now. If you could consider this a lie. Of course it was a lie. She knew the truth and she deliberately withheld it from him. He was going to hate her if he ever found out. He would assume she knew about the baby the entire time and hit it so she could go through with this undercover assignment. To think, she was on stage dancing and taking her clothes off in front of a hundred men a night while she was pregnant with Elliot's child. What if Elliot didn't believe it was his baby? If she would lie to him about a pregnancy, maybe she would lie to him about anything, everything. He would never trust her again.**

**Olivia took a deep breath and took a drink from her glass of wine, blew out the candles and climbed out of her bath. She wrapped herself in a robe and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She hated what she saw. A liar. A scared, pathetic, liar. She picked up the wine glass and splashed the wine onto her reflection then turned out the light and left the room.**

**She slipped on one of Elliot's shirts and a pair of boxers and went to the kitchen for a real drink. She slammed the cabinet doors around until she found something strong. Hundred proof vodka, that would have to work. She pulled out a shot glass and sat it on the counter. Nope, she thought to herself and grabbed a rock glass from the shelf and tossed in a couple of ice cubes. Normally she didn't like vodka with ice, but this had been in the cabinet since God knows when and wasn't cold at all. There, that would surely do the trick.**

**She took a sip from the glass then slammed it down on the counter empty. She picked up her phone from the counter and looked at it. No missed calls. Of course not. Nobody cares. She thought. Nobody but Elliot even remembers that she is in pain and he wouldn't dare call because she pushed him away from her. How could she be so stupid? **

**How the hell could she not have known she was pregnant? There had to be signs. The martini at the club that first night was too strong. Since when is any vodka too strong for her? And she was nauseous the next morning. DUH!!! And even her vomiting at the hospital. She had surgery before and never had that reaction to anesthesia. **

**Olivia groaned as her shoulder began to ache. The new pain medication the doctor had put her on was shit! She was only supposed to take one every four to six hours but to get any relief at all she had to take at least two exactly every four hours to the minute. And four at night or she was restless and achy all night and felt even worse the next morning.**

**She had told the doctor about being unable to sleep and he prescribed something to help. But one of those pills knocked her on her ass and she woke up feeling almost hung over the next day. Olivia took the lid of the bottle of pain pills and dropped four into her palm. She was getting some rest tonight. She filled the rock glass only half full this time as she popped the pills into her mouth and chased them with the icy drink. She twisted the cap back onto the bottle and walked to the sofa and turned on the television.**

**Elliot stood outside the apartment door knocking, but she didn't answer. She must be asleep he thought. He found his key on the ring and slid it into the lock as she jerked the door open. **

"**Hey."**

"**Hey."**

**Olivia turned and walked back to the couch.**

"**What took you so long?"**

"**I figured eventually you would remember you had a key and use it." She turned her head to look at him from over the back of the sofa. "Guess not."**

**Elliot smiled at her. She had been in a strange mood all week. **

**She pulled her knees to her chest and watched something on an infomercial on television.**

"**I brought some food," you haven't been grocery shopping in over a week."**

"**So."**

"**So? Liv, there is nothing in here," he said staring into the almost empty refrigerator. It's only contents being a bottle of vodka, six slices of cheese, a tub of butter and some condiments. "What were you planning on eating?"**

"**I eat when I get hungry. I'm a big girl Elliot, I can take care of my self."**

"**I know that. I just thought since it has been a while since we spent any time together, I could cook you dinner."**

**She ignored him.**

"**Or order in. Liv?"**

"**Yeah, sorry. Sounds good."**

"**You okay?"**

"**I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping much lately."**

**Elliot picked up the phone book and made his way to the couch to sit beside her. "So what are you in the mood for?"**

"**Anything really," she said with a yawn as she snuggled in to him and laid her head across his lap.**

**Elliot flipped through the phone book, "what about that new Chinese place?"**

"**Umm," she mumbled.**

**Elliot smiled and covered her with the blanket from the back of the sofa as he combed his fingers through her hair. "Liv?"**

"**Umm."**

"**Why don't you let me take you to bed?"**

"**Umm."**

**Elliot smiled at her and turned off the television. He raised her head and slid out from under her, then walked down the hall to turn down the bed. He returned to the living room and picked her up in his arms and carried her to bed. He walked to the kitchen to call in the order for their dinner.**

**As the phone rang he picked up her glass from the counter and took a drink thinking it was water. Elliot spit it out across the room almost choking and sat the glass back to the counter as he hung up the phone. He placed his hands against the counter coughing and choking and trying to catch his breath. He cleared his throat. "Damn Liv!" He said as something across the counter struck him odd. **

**A pill bottle was tipped on its side and some of the pills spilled out onto the counter. Elliot picked up the bottle and put the pills back inside then replaced the cap. He looked at the label before sitting the bottle back on the counter. **

"**Shit! Olivia!"**

**He ran down the hall to check on her. She was in a deep sleep and barely breathing. She must have gotten the pill bottles mixed up. Instead of her pain medication, she took the much stronger sleeping pills. Elliot raised her almost lifeless body from the bed and tapped her cheek, but she didn't respond.**

"**Damn it, Liv!"**

**He picked her up in is arms and ran down the stairs and slid her into his car as he flew the twelve blocks to the hospital.**

"**Come on, Liv! Olivia!" He shouted at her as he tapped his hand against her cheek praying he wasn't too late. **

**He carried her in and they rushed her back to a doctor. Elliot sat alone in the waiting room waiting for an answer.**

"**Detective Stabler?" **

**Elliot raised his head to see a woman stand beside him. Not the woman he wanted to see. "Is she okay?"**

"**She is resting. You can see her in a minute, first I need to get some information from you. The girl you brought in…."**

"**Is she okay?"**

"**Sir, we just pumped her stomach. The only contents were alcohol and two different prescription drugs. My guess is a suicide attempt." **

**Elliot turned his head to stare down the hall in the direction that had wheeled Liv away. **

"**Sir, I need a name!"**

"**Stabler, Elliot Stabler."**

"**No sir, her name. Do you know her name?"**

**Elliot rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. If he gave them her name they would realize she was a cop. If they realized she was a cop she would forever have a suicide attempt in her jacket and her career would be ruined.**

"**Detective Stabler?"**

"**Uhh. Mathews, Melissa. She is the girlfriend of a suspect in a case. I found her like this when I entered the residence." **

"**We'll need to fill out a report."**

" **No, that isn't necessary. I will do that myself. Is she going to be okay?"**

"**Detective Stabler, you just saved this girl's life. She is going to feel really bad tomorrow, but she'll make it. I'm going to call upstairs and see if they have a bed open."**

"**Where?"**

"**Psyche ward, Detective Stabler. She's a suicide, there is a 24 hour holding period."**

"**Wait, I need her for questioning. What if I took her? I can hold her in the drunk tank for the 24 hours. I'll make sure she's okay before I let her go. If there is any trouble I will bring her back here."**

**The woman just stared at him.**

"**We are over crowded and I need the bed." She looked down the hall toward the emergency room where they had wheeled Liv two hours earlier. "I need you to fill out some paperwork. You have to accept full responsibility for her. She is liable to be sick tomorrow and she'll want to sleep a lot. That is fine, but watch her close." **

"**Okay." **

"**She is down the hall first bed on the left if you want to go see her while I get the papers in order."**

**Elliot walked back to see her. Liv looked like hell. He couldn't help but wonder what the she was thinking. This wasn't like her at all. Surely there was some sort of explanation. **

**She stirred a little and he cupped his hand against the side of her face. He looked down as his eyes scanned over her body. They had her hand cuffed to the bed and the band on her wrist said Melissa Mathews. The dead girls name was the first one to pop into his head. He couldn't let this get out. At least not until he knew for sure what the hell was going on here. **

**The woman entered the area where he now sat with Liv and handed him a clipboard with papers to sign. Elliot signed her out then placed his suit jacket around her and carried her to the car. He took her back to the apartment and laid her gently in the bed as he sat beside her watching her sleep.**

**He brushed his fingers through her hair and gently kissed her lips. "I'm sorry baby," he whispered softly. "Whatever it is that you are having so much trouble trying to tell me, I'm sorry I have not listened better." Elliot kicked his shoes off and slid into the bed beside her. This was the first time he had really held her in months. She stirred and exhaled softly as she snuggled her face against him.**

"**I love you Olivia," he whispered against her ear. "I'm right here sweetheart."**

"**I love you," she mumbled softly but didn't open her eyes.**

**Elliot pulled the blankets up around them and just held her tight in his arms, refusing to let her go. He closed his eyes and thanked God once more for getting him to her in time. **


	22. 22 Lost And Found

_**In Too Deep**_

_**(Chapter Twenty Two: Lost And Found)**_

**Elliot opened his eyes just a few minutes before the alarm clock was set to go off. He reached beside the bed and turned it off so it wouldn't wake her. He looked at Olivia sleeping like and angel in his arms and kissed her forehead. There was no way he was leaving her alone like this. He reached to the nightstand and picked up his cell phone, called in and took a personal day. She was going to need him more now than ever before. He sat the phone back beside the bed and exhaled softly. She was laying against his chest and he could feel the rise and fall of her chest with each breath she took. She looked so peaceful. Elliot combed his fingers through her hair and gently kissed the tip of her nose as he pulled the blanket around her making sure she was warn enough. He closed his eyes and went back to sleep.**

**A few hours later Elliot felt her stirring in his arms. He opened his eyes and looked down at her as she yawned and opened her big brown eyes. They were the most beautiful thing he had seen in a while. He reached for her with his hand and caressed the side of her face as she smiled softly and tipped her head up to look at him. **

"**Good morning Angel," he said softly as she took a deep breath and sat up beside him in the bed.**

"**Good morning," she whispered rubbing her eyes with her hands and smoothing her hand across her forehead.**

"**How do you feel?"**

**She sighed and squinted her eyes. "Hung over."**

"**The nurse said you would probably be sick today."**

**Olivia groaned a little and laid back in the bed as her nausea set in.**

**Elliot rolled toward her and looked into her weary eyes. "I love you so much," he whispered.**

"**I love you too, El." A few seconds later she groaned and headed for the bathroom.**

**Elliot stepped around the corner to check on her. "You need to get some food in you," he said softly pulling her hair back into a loose pony tail so it was out of her way.**

**Olivia exhaled and reached up to flush the toilet as she slid back against the wall and closed her eyes. He dabbed her forehead with a warm wash cloth and sat beside her in the floor. **

"**Honey, I know you don't feel well right now. But you really need to eat something and get some fluids in you. That will help ease the nausea." **

**She exhaled and opened her eyes to peer at him. **

"**Liv, why don't I help you to lay back down and I will make you something. Anything you want."**

"**I don't know if I can eat now."**

"**You should try."**

**She looked into his eyes and reached out for his hand and held it in hers for a minute. Elliot helped her to stand long enough to brush her teeth then escorted her back to the bedroom to lie down. **

"**Thank you," she said softly as he tucked her into bed.**

"**That's what I'm here for. Have thought about what you wand to eat?" **

**She closed her eyes for a second then smiled at him. She looked into his eyes then at the same time they both said "pancakes." Elliot laughed and she smiled. He leaned in to kiss her forehead once more.**

"**I thought those might make you feel better."**

"**Umm, with peanut butter."**

"**She's back," he announced with a smile. Olivia smiled back at him. Elliot kissed her forehead again. "You lay here and get some rest and I will be back in a little while." He stood up and walked out of the room for a minute then returned placing a bottle of water on the night stand. "You should try to drink some of this. I'll make you some coffee to go with breakfast. We need to get some fluids back in to you." **

"**Okay," she said softly and she closed her eyes.**

**Elliot returned a little while later with a tray of food. He sat it on the nightstand as he sat down beside her in the bed. "Olivia," he whispered softly as he twirled her hair in his fingertips and kissed her cheek. "Hey baby? Foods ready," he said against the side of her face and she opened her eyes and smiled at him. Elliot laid his head beside hers and just stared into her eyes for a moment. She raised her hand and placed it against the side of his face. Elliot leaned in and placed a soft intimate kiss against her lips. He felt her tongue brush gently against his only for a moment before she pulled away and sighed staring into his eyes.**

"**Lets eat," he said softly and kissed her forehead.**

**After breakfast the sat beside each other in bed. She looked into his eyes knowing that the moment was fast approaching when he would want to know the truth about everything that had happened. She was trying to figure out what to say to him.**

"**I'm not going to ask you…" he started. "About what happened," Olivia raised her eyes to meet his. "Because I know you will talk to me when you are ready." Elliot laced his fingers in hers and stared at their hands. "But I need you to look at me and to promise me that nothing like this will ever happen again."**

**She shook her head at him. "Elliot this was all…"**

**He placed his finger against her lips. "I don't want to talk about it. Not until you can tell me everything. The entire truth about everything from the beginning. Just promise me."**

"**I promise," she said softly. She exhaled and shifted her eyes to the floor. "I think I'm going to take a long, hot bath."**

**An hour later Elliot sat on the sofa in her living room watching a baseball game. Olivia walked slowly into the room and leaned against the wall. He shifted his eyes up to look at her. **

"**Can we talk?" She asked softly as she sat down on a barstool at the kitchen counter.**

**Elliot turned off the television and walked around the counter pouring them both a cup of coffee then walked back over to her. He pulled out a stool and sat down looking into her eyes. "I'm here," he said softly.**

**She studied his warm eyes for a moment then looked back at the counter and took a deep breath. "I had a miscarriage," she whispered softly. **

**He looked shocked for a minute then stared down at the counter. "When?"**

"**When I was at the hospital before. I didn't have a reaction to the pain medication and anesthesia. I mean, I did. But that isn't why I was admitted back into the hospital. The anesthesia from the surgery and the fentanyl he prescribed for pain caused me to miscarry the baby." She got quiet for a minute and took a deep breath as tears filled her eyes.**

"**You didn't tell me?" He asked refusing to look at her.**

**She gasped and shook her head. "I didn't know. I swear. Not until it was too late. I had no idea I was even pregnant."**

"**But you still didn't tell me."**

"**I didn't know how. I tried."**

"**Olivia, it has been three weeks. So instead of talking to me you take a fist full of pills with half a bottle of vodka?"**

"**That was a mistake. I wasn't trying to…. Elliot, you have to believe me. Please believe me. I would never…." She was quiet for a moment. "I had been drinking wine. I got out of the bath tub and fixed the vodka. I was in pain and thought I was taking the pain medication. I must have gotten the bottles mixed up."**

"**Do you realize that if I had waited five minutes longer, if I hadn't found the pills spilled all over the counter…. You would have died, Olivia! Mistake or not! I picked you up and carried you to bed and tucked you in and kissed you. You just would have gone to sleep and never woke up! I felt like such a fool. When that nurse came out and told me that you had tried to commit suicide."**

"**But I didn't!"**

"**But that is the way it looked. The way everyone would have thought…. She asked me for your name and I had to think of something to tell her."**

**Olivia looked down at the hospital bracelet she still wore with Roxxy's name on it. "Melissa Mathews?"**

"**Would you rather I gave them your real name? They would have realized you were a detective and this mess would have been in your jacket, Liv. It would have ruined you. So I did the only thing I could think to do. I made up a story and got you out of there as soon as I could, before they could figure out what was going on or ask too many more questions. I cleaned up the mess."**

**She took a deep breath and was crying. "You're angry."**

"**You're damn right I am angry. You scared the hell out of me!"**

"**Elliot, it was an accident. Why won't you believe me?"**

"**I do believe you Liv. That is what scared me so bad. That you could be so far out of your mind about anything that you could allow something like this to happen. What if I hadn't come here? What if I had stopped to pick up dinner first? Damn it, Olivia I would have lost you!" He stood up and walked away from her with tears on his face. He paced the living room for a moment as she cried and he listened to the sound of her jagged breath. **

"**Do you even realize how close I was to having to plan your funeral?" Elliot paused and looked over his shoulder at her. He watched her cry for a second and felt a little bad for yelling at her. "Olivia, I love you more than anything in the world," he said softly. "Baby, I can't lose you." His voice cracked as he said it and he walked toward her. **

**Elliot moved to stand in front of her barstool and pulled one of her legs on each side of his waist. He stared into her eyes and wiped tears from her cheek softly then pulled her into his arms holding her tight against him. Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into his shirt. He kissed her forehead and caressed the side of her face as he twirled his fingers in her hair.**

"**I love you," she said softly. "And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."**

**Elliot tilted her chin to look into her eyes and traced her lips with his thumb before kissing them again. "I know. I knew, in my head and in my heart that you would never do anything like this on purpose. But Olivia, you can't be afraid to talk to me. I will always be here for you."**

**Elliot carried her to the bedroom where they spent the rest of the day together as he held her tight in his arms, resting and watching television together in bed. **


	23. 23 Time Heals All Wounds

_**In Too Deep**_

_**(Chapter Twenty Three: Time Heals All Wounds)**_

**The next few weeks went well for them as things began to settle and life as they knew it began to return to normal. Elliot now took advantage of every moment he shared with her, knowing how close he had come to losing her forever. Olivia's gunshot wound was healing really well and she had begun physical therapy and was having great results. She would be able to return to work in a few weeks. **

**They were spending a lot of time together, mending slowly all that had been damaged between them. They weren't dating, just taking things slow for now and finding strength in their friendship.**

**They were closer now than ever before and spent nearly every free moment together laughing and talking and just being there for each other. Elliot knew that he was still in love with her and he could tell when he looked into her eyes that her love for him was still there as well. But for now she needed to heal both physically and emotionally and a romantic relationship was not something she could focus on at this time.**

**Olivia even started speaking with a therapist. It was good for her to have someone with absolutely no connection to her what so ever that she could open up to with every detail of all of the things in her life. Elliot knew that she had felt she lost control of her life. That the pressures of work and their on again off again relationship and this undercover assignment and losing the baby and guilt over Melissa's death had all been eating at her. She talked to him, when she could. But there were some things he knew she was afraid to share with him. Like her feelings about their relationship. He was just glad that she had someone to speak to and get everything off her chest.**

**Elliot walked with her along a path through Central Park on his lunch break. She had been on this side of town for a session with her therapist and stopped by work to say hello to everyone, then they decided to have lunch together. Lunch quickly escalated to a stroll down one of the walking paths with relaxed meaningless conversation. No pressure, no point, just time alone together.**

"**How are your sessions going?" He asked her as a smile crossed her face.**

"**Really well. It's nice. You know, just to be able to sit down on that couch and talk and say anything I need to say or feel and just get it all out. She just sits there and listens and asks me questions like….how does that make you feel and why do you think you feel this way? She helps me to really break things down and understand why they effect me the way they do. Why I feel and think the way that I do. I have never really had that before, someone to talk to."**

"**You have always had me. You know you can talk to me about anything."**

"**I didn't mean it like that." Olivia slipped her hand in his and held it tight. "It isn't like this with her. I mean I come to you and talk to you and trust your opinion and advice one hundred percent. But with her…it is just nice to get an opinion from someone who is not involved at all. She can look at the entire picture with an unbiased approach and help me to better understand the things that are going on around me. It is harder to do that when you are in the middle of what is going on, you know?"**

"**Yeah."**

"**I still need my talks with you." Olivia stopped walking and turned to look at him. "Elliot, you are my best friend. You are my partner and my family and I know that no one has my best interest at heart more than you. I love you and I know that you love me. But sometimes there are things that I have trouble talking to you about. Not that I don't think you would be there for me. It is just hard to explain."**

**Elliot held her hand in his and cupped his other hand on the side of her face. "I understand," he said softly.**

**She took a deep breath and smiled. "You do?"**

"**Yes, I do. I support you all the way with this therapy. I think it is a wonderful idea if it is working out for you. Olivia, I just want you to be able to heal. I don't like to see you hurting, physically or emotionally. Especially when it is stuff that you have trouble talking to me about. I am glad that you have found a way to take control over this. And I am really happy to see you starting to smile again."**

"**Thank you."**

"**Liv, you are probably the most important person in my life. Whether we are together as a couple or not you are still my best friend and I want what is best for you. Even if that isn't me." He looked into her eyes.**

"**We talk about that, too."**

"**Yeah?"**

"**Yeah," she said turning to keep walking without looking at him.**

"**Not good I take it. She thinks I'm bad for you?"**

"**No, she thinks your friendship and our relationship as partners is wonderful for me. It is the romantic relationship she thinks is unhealthy."**

"**How can she say that if she doesn't even know me?"**

"**Elliot, she can say that because she doesn't know you. Think about it. You were still married for the first several years we were sleeping together. I allowed myself to get emotionally attached to a married man. Think of it this way…. What if it wasn't you, but some other guy I was dating. And you and I were just friends. And I was this deeply involved with a different married man. Elliot, I know you would worry and you would try to talk me into ending it. Because that would be what was best for me. You wouldn't want me to take that chance and end up hurt. I know you well enough to know that."**

"**Liv, this is different!"**

"**The only thing different here is that the married man I am involved with is you."**

"**This wasn't some fling, Liv. We really cared about each other."**

"**I know that. And I am not trying to cheapen it or pretend that it wasn't real. I know it was."**

"**It is. Olivia, I still love you. And someday, when I get this mess I have made with my life straightened out and can give you an honest relationship, I want to be with you. I want to date you and only you and I want us to be able to be together and love each other without everything that got in the way this time. I love you, Liv."**

"**I love you, too." She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "And when things calm down and your divorce goes through and I get all of my mess cleaned up…..I would love to give it another try. But not until then. Elliot I want a real relationship with you. I want us to be able to go out in public and not have to worry if someone is watching when we kiss. Or if your wife or children find out. I don't want to have to sneak around. Elliot, the feelings are there and they are strong. We just have to get things cleaned up so that we can build an honest relationship."**

"**I agree. I just don't want some therapist convincing you that I am no good for you."**

"**Her point in helping me see that was so that she can help me to see what I need to change in my life to make this better. Not to give up and walk away. She is helping me to figure out what the important things in my life are and helping me to find the strength to stand on my own two feet and fight for them. She had me make a list of the top five most important things in my life. Elliot the top three were our friendship, our partnership and our romantic relationship. I wouldn't walk away from those without a fight. Or at least exhausting every desperate attempt to make them work."**

"**Good. Because I wouldn't give you up that easily."**

**Olivia smiled and Elliot kissed her forehead. **

**He looked down at his watch and groaned. "I have to get back to work, Cragen has me paired up with him until you get back and we're bringing a guy in for questioning in our case in an hour. He might appreciate it if I was prepared."**

**Olivia laughed and Elliot hugged her. "I'm really proud of you, Liv. You are the strongest person I know. I am so glad to see you doing so well."**

"**I'm healing. Slowly, but I'm healing."**

**Elliot kissed her on the cheek. "You are making wonderful progress. And you know, if you ever need anything at all I am here." Elliot opened the passengers side door for her. **

"**Yeah. I know," she said with a soft smile as she climbed into the car and he closed the door behind her. **


	24. 24 One More Chance

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Twenty Four: One More Chance)_

Two months had passed since their little walk in Central Park and Elliot had made sure to keep himself in her life. The thought of someone else feeding Olivia suggestions at a time like this when she was so impressionable really made him nervous. Olivia had been a constant in his life all of these years and Elliot knew he could never live his life without her in it.

He took a deep breath and looked up at her standing across the room next to the coffee pot talking to Fin. She was laughing and smiling. He loved her smile. He loved seeing her happy. And the fact that his actions had caused her so much pain these last several months killed him.

Olivia walked back to her desk and sat a cup of coffee down in front of Elliot.

"Thanks partner," he said smiling at her.

"You're welcome partner," she replied looking at him wondering what he was up to.

"It has been so nice to have you back, Liv."

"Yeah, well my arm healed. Infact you almost cannot tell it was ever injured at all, except for a small scar. And they gave me a Psyche evaluation that I passed with flying colors. They said I was cleared to come back."

"A Psyche evaluation? Whose bright idea was that?"

"IA didn't like how close I got to this case. Or how deeply I was effected by Melissa's death. They kind of threw it at me while I was off for my shoulder. They said the stress level was too high and they were worried I would buckle under the pressure. I offered up the fact that I was already talking to a therapist. I guess that little fact hurt me really more than it helped me. But I passed it and I am back and everything is fine." She smiled at Elliot.

"Yes, of course you passed it. You took control and you asked for help when you needed it. You took it upon yourself to go into therapy. I just think it is bullshit that they even had you do the evaluation. When have you ever given them reason to think you could not handle it?"

"When I climbed on stage in front of half the department and eighty strangers and took my clothes off, Elliot! They didn't like any of my involvement of this case."

"No thank you? No sorry you were shot? Just a big fuck you, we think you are crazy, take this test!"

"Elliot!"

"Well! They would have never closed this case with out you, Liv! They come to you and pretty much force Cragen to send you in, contrary to his better judgment. Then when it all goes down and gets messy and you get injured they decide it doesn't look so good for the department and try to play it off like you were crazy! You did exactly what they sent you in to do!"

She took a deep breath and exhaled as she sat down in her chair.

"It doesn't matter, Elliot. It is nothing to get worked up about. It is all over now and I am back, that is all that matters."

"It just bothers me that you put your ass on the line here, literally. To take down a pimp, drug dealer, murder, who was running a child prostitution ring and this was the thanks they gave you."

"It comes with the job, I guess."

"It sucks."

"I know." She looked up and smiled at him. "But I appreciate you trying to defend me here."

"You lost so much because of this case, Liv. We both did. And it just seems like they didn't even appreciate all that you did for the cause."

"It will be okay, Elliot."

He finally calmed down and returned to his stack of paperwork.

Three days later Elliot called Olivia at home and asked her if she would meet him for dinner. He had something important he needed to talk to her about.

Olivia met him at a place across town, one of their favorite places to eat. It was classy, but not too formal and they could dress casually and enjoy a beer or a glass of wine and a good meal. This place used to be one of their favorite hang out spots back when they had first started dating.

She arrived before Elliot and found them a table in the back. It was a Friday night and she felt like kicking back a little so she ordered her old usual vodka martini straight up with two olives. She sat sipping her drink looking at a table in the corner where they had sat many times.

Before when they were dating and they used to meet up here for dinner and drinks after work to unwind. Then share a cab back to her place for sex before he returned home to Kathy. She of course assumed they were working late on another difficult case. It had always been hard for her to hear any of the gory details of their cases so she didn't want to hear about his work. This prevented Elliot from having to lie to her should she ever ask him about his case. And because he didn't have to straight out lie, had somehow justified their affair.

Olivia was not proud of what they had done. She loved him then. She still loved him, now. But that in no way mad it right to sleep with another woman's husband. She felt guilty about it, but even guilt would never change the path she had chosen to take.

But now Elliot and Kathy were separated and that changed everything. That made him available. On the market and okay to look at.

Olivia was just getting tired of waiting when he finally entered the room and took a seat in front of her at the table.

"I'm sorry I am late."

Olivia raised her hand under her chin and looked at him.

"So what's up, Elliot?"

"Give me a minute, can we order first?"

He smiled at her and she grinned back at him.

The waiter arrived a few minutes later and took their order. After he had left Olivia sat patiently waiting for Elliot to speak.

"So," he said looking up at her.

"So?"

He smiled a mischievous smile and laughed a little.

"Okay, you want to know why I asked you here. I have some good news and I wanted you to be the one I celebrated it with."

"What news would that be?"

"My divorce is final."

Olivia sat and waited for a moment in disbelief. She cocked her head and watched him for a moment unsure if her was joking.

"Really?"

"Yes."

She smiled and reached across the table to pat him on the shoulder.

"Congratulations."

"Thank you."

Elliot looked at her and smiled. "I want us to try again, Olivia."

She looked up at him a little worried.

"I know things got out of hand before. But I have changed. I almost lost you Liv. And I know that in my life, you are the one thing I cannot live without. I don't want to rush this, I think we should take it slow. But I want us to start dating again. Soon. Now."

Olivia just stared into his eyes for a minute.

Elliot reached his hand out and locked his fingers inside hers. "I love you, Olivia Benson." He kissed her hand. "That never changed. I messed up a lot of things. And a lot of things were complicated because it was an affair and I was still married. But I am a free man now. And I want another chance to make you happy. To give you a steady, honest, loving relationship that you deserve. I am asking you now, to give me that chance Olivia."

"Okay," she said softly.

She smiled when Elliot's eyes met hers again.

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. I promise you, you will not regret it."

"But I have conditions," she added.

"Conditions?"

"Yes."

"Like what?"

"For starters, I want to take it slow. I want this relationship to be about romance and us together, not about sex. I don't want us to end up the way we were before."

"I can live with that. What else?"

"I want to see you more often. And have actual dates. Not just get together a few times a week for amazing sex."

"Is that it?"

"No."

He looked up at her.

"Okay. Lay it on me."

"I want kids."

Elliot just stared at her.

"I didn't think I did before. But I realized after the miscarriage, that children really are something I want. Not right now. But in the next couple of years. I want to plan it. No surprises. And I want it to be with you."

"Me?"

"Yes, Elliot. You are my best friend. And the only man I have ever loved. I can't think of anyone else I would rather father my child. I am not talking about marriage. Just a baby. Or two babies. And if something else evolves later then that is how it will be."

"You have this all planned out?"

"I have had a lot of time to think and clear my head and decide what I wan in life. This is what I want."

He pulled her hand to his and kissed it.

"Then this is what I will give you. Or die trying."

She smiled and laughed.

"I didn't say anything about dying. I want you around in the baby's life."

"Good. Olivia, I would be honored to have children with you."

"Really?" She smiled at him and her eyes lit up.

"Really. I love you, Liv. And I don't just mean as a friend."

"I know. I love you, too."

Elliot leaned across the table and kissed his girlfriend tenderly.

"But you are totally not getting sex tonight," she said and they both laughed.


	25. 25 Drunken Honesty

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Twenty Five: Drunken Honesty)_

It had been nearly two months since they had decided to give their relationship another chance. They had agreed to take things slow, but Olivia had no idea they would be moving this slow. In fact as she stood here now staring at her own reflection in the mirror she wasn't really sure that their relationship was moving at all. Or if there even was a relationship to be moved.

Elliot had told her over dinner a few months back that he was still in love with her, that he wanted to be with her and that he wanted to make a life with her. But as of now he was not even officially his girlfriend. They had shared drinks a time or two and dinner once, but he had not so much as even kissed her good night. Maybe he didn't fully understand that when she had agreed to date him, she thought they would start dating right away.

Olivia exhaled and dusted some blush onto her cheeks. She touched up the dark eyeliner that brought definition to her big brown eyes and applied some lipstick. She pressed her lips together and pulled the clip from her dark wavy hair allowing it to fall down around her face.

She stood up and pulled on her favorite pair of jeans. They were tight and hugged every curve of her body just right and made her ass look amazing. She buttoned the fly on the jeans and pulled on black tank top, misted on some of her most seductive musk, grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

She climbed onto a barstool at the end of the bar and ordered a glass of wine. Tonight she was drinking alone. But that was no reason she shouldn't look fantastic doing it. She pulled her Blackberry from her purse and sent a text to her non-existent boyfriend in an attempt to get him to join her.

Elliot's reply was a simple _'I can't tonight' _with no further explanation. Sometimes it almost seemed as if he were ignoring her. This was really starting to frustrate her. No, it was flat pissing her off. Who the hell was he to treat her like this. And how stupid could she be to continue to just sit around and wait for him. He was divorced now. His wife was no longer the problem and yet he still was not here with her. They were not a couple, they weren't even sleeping together.

Olivia bit her lip in frustration as she finished off her third glass of wine and ordered another. She thought to herself how desperate she must look. All dressed up for a man who wasn't even here. Sitting alone at the bar drinking red wine and not even speaking to anyone. She could have done this at home in her pajama pants.

She was dressed to kill. And if she were to ask, any man in this bar would probably be honored to take her home tonight. Yet the one man she wanted more than anything didn't seem to want her.

Olivia combed her fingers through her hair. This wine wasn't cutting it. If anything it was making matters worse. Wine had always had an effect on her. A glass or two here or there was good for relaxation, but anything past that just made her….well, horny. She dipped her finger into the glass and traced it around the rim. God, it had been over six months since she had gotten laid.

She exhaled and flagged the bartender once more. This time ordering her classic vodka martini straight up with two olives. Tonight she needed something hard. Boy did she.

He brought her drink and they exchanged a few friendly words then he went on about his business. Olivia had known him, Jake the bartender, for about seven years now. He was an attractive man with dark hair and brown eyes and a smile that made women melt.

He always smiled at her and had a certain charm when he said her name. They had flirted often, but never really dated. She wasn't quite sure why. But there was a time in the past when they had an arrangement. When a shot of tequila was more than just that. It was the offer to end a lonely night.

Olivia would have a rough day at work and come in to unwind. Sometimes ordering a shot of tequila. That was their signal. They would flirt for a while and exchange smiles across the bar for a few hours. Then after he closed down the bar he would walk her home, just a few blocks down the street. They would exchange small talk and a night of incredible sex together and in the morning when she woke up he would be gone. No responsibilities, no obligations. Just two extremely compatible adults with an understanding. It was understood. She didn't even really remember how they had come to this agreement. It had just kind of always been that way between them.

Of course she hadn't met up with Jake in quite some time. Several months before she and Elliot had began their affair and relationship. She watched Jake from across the bar, until he caught her staring and smiled in her direction.

Olivia laughed as she placed the tooth pick back into her empty martini glass and he walked over to her.

"Hi Olivia," she said with a smile sitting down another martini in front of her.

"Hello, stranger." She said back flirting with him.

"So how's life?" He asked with a sexy smile.

"Wonderful," she said sarcastically.

"And where is your partner tonight?"

"Hell if I know," she replied taking a sip from her glass.

"Ahh, that thing between you not going on anymore?"

"What thing?"

He stared at her for a moment.

"Come on now."

"No, we are not exactly seeing each other right now."

"Not exactly. What does that mean?"

"It means that I am not dating anyone at the present moment. But I have a few offers on the table."

"Oh."

"What about you? Any special lady in your life?"

"Just you."

She smiled and laughed. "Good answer."

Olivia could feel the strong buzz from the wine and vodka combination she had been drinking all evening starting to kick in. She watched Jake as his eyes shifted from hers to stare at the door behind her.

"Speak of the devil," he said raising an eye brow.

Olivia took a deep breath and turned around on her barstool to see Elliot walk in.

"I thought you couldn't make it?"

"I didn't think I could."

"Oh," she replied turning back around and tapping her finger gently against her empty glass. She was even more frustrated with him now that he was standing here in front of her.

Jake brought her another martini.

"What can I get for you Detective Stabler?"

"Just a beer."

"So where have you been all night?" She asked as he sat down beside her on a barstool.

"I had dinner with the kids. Then headed back to the station to finish up a little paperwork. Then I headed over here."

"You turned me down for paperwork?"

"No, I just didn't know if this was a good idea. You know, when alcohol gets involved lines tend to get crossed and…."

"And that would just be horrible, right?"

"Olivia, you said you wanted to take things slow. So that is what we have been doing."

"What things, Elliot? We have barely even spoken about anything that didn't involve work. We are not even dating! What exactly is it that we are taking slow?"

"A relationship. The next step." He rubbed his hands over his face. "God Olivia, what is it that you want?"

"Nothing," she said turning away from him with tears in her eyes.

"I didn't mean to snap at you," he said exhaling deeply. "I have just had a lot going on and I'm a little stressed out. I have Kathleen pulling her usual shit. Kathy is up my ass about everything that is going on with the kids. And she wont stick to our custody agreement. Until tonight I hadn't even seen my children in almost three weeks. I have just been so busy dealing with all of that I have not had any time to deal with this."

"I'm not something you have to deal with Elliot," she said softly.

"I didn't mean it that way."

She raised her eyes and looked into his for a minute.

"Elliot, what is this?"

"What are you talking bout?"

"I'm talking about this. Us. What are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean are dating? Are we even a couple? Because it doesn't seem like it. You hardly talk to me. You never touch me. We rarely ever see each other outside of work. I know I said I wanted our relationship to move slow, but I was assuming that we would at least have a relationship."

"I'm here. Okay? You fired off your little text and wanted me here, I am here."

"What is your problem?"

"My problem? I don't have a problem."

"I'm just trying to talk to you about important things and you are being a complete ass to me!"

"I didn't come here to argue with you Olivia."

"I'm not trying to argue. I'm just trying to figure out what is going on with you?"

"Nothing, is going on with me. I'm just trying to adjust to everything."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't think so. Look maybe it was a bad idea for me to come here tonight."

"Elliot, please stay."

"Liv, I just don't know that I am able to give you what you need from a relationship right now. I just have a lot of shit going on that I need to sort out and I really don't think that…."

She was staring at him trying not to cry. How could he be so sweet to her then turn around and act like this. He was killing her.

"Yeah," she replied softly turning away from him.

"I'll see you later. I think I just need to take a walk and sort some things out."

"Elliot."

"Yeah?"

"Don't bother coming back around until you know what you want. I can't keep doing this. I wait for you because you say that you love me, that you want to be with me. And every time you just leave me waiting." She could feel tears on her face. "I can't wait anymore."

Elliot stared at her for another minute then turned to walk out slamming the door shut behind him.

Olivia turned around and wiped the tears from her face. As she looked up at Jake and ordered another martini.

"You okay?" He said sitting the drink down in front of her.

"I'll be fine. I should be used to it by now."

"Olivia…"

She took a deep breath and raised her head to look at him.

"I'm okay," she said forcing a smile.

They talked about random things for the next several minutes, then she excused herself to the ladies room. She came out of the stall stumbling just a bit. She was alright until she stood up and walked and now she was really feeling the effect of the alcohol she had consumed.

Olivia leaned over the counter and stared into the mirror. She didn't know why she let herself get this upset over Elliot anyway. Obviously he didn't want her or he would have been here with her now.

She took a deep breath and walked back out to the bar. She climbed onto her barstool and smiled her sexiest smile at Jake as she downed the last of her martini. She flipped her hair and combed her fingers through it tucking a strand behind her ear as she pressed her lips together. She was determine to make something good of this night.

"Another martini, Olivia?" Jake asked as he cleared the empty glass.

"No. Give me a shot of tequila."

He stopped and looked at her in confusion. Surely she just meant she wanted a drink. Jake poured the shot and slid it across the bar as he handed her a salt shaker and a slice of lime.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked as she picked up the shot glass in her fingers.

Olivia stared seductively into his eyes.

"I know it has been a long time," she said with a shy smile, "but I'm sure."

And with that she took the shot and motioned for another.

Jake set her up two more times. They sat at the bar for a while talking about everything but sex for about another hour. He was trying to distract her and give her time to sober up a little before she ordered another drink.

Olivia ordered another shot and Jake questioned her for a moment, but made it for her. She took the shot and leaned across the bar to whisper into his ear.

"Do you have anything?" She asked quietly.

He stared at her for a minute a little confused.

"Condom?" She whispered.

"Oh," he replied as he smiled and handed her three quarters from his tip jar and pointed toward the men's room.

Olivia laughed as she climbed from her barstool and went to retrieve their protection for the evening. She placed the quarters into the machine and turned the knob. She turned to walk out of the men's room but stopped for a moment and placed her hand against the door frame as she glanced over her shoulder at the machine on the wall.

"Better to be safe that sorry," she mumbled pulling three more quarters from her pocket and putting them into the machine.

She returned to her barstool and waited for him to close.

"Last call if in fifteen minutes. Do you want anything else?" He asked as he winked at her.

Olivia laughed again. "Set me up," she said softly.

One more shot down and she placed the empty glass on the bar in front of her. Jake walked over to clear it and she leaned across the bar to whisper into his ear once more. This time instead of talking she kissed him passionately.

Her kisses tasted like salt from her shots and her breath smelled like tequila.

She giggled and sat back down on her bar stool to wait. Just a few more minutes.

"Give me another," she said as she tapped the bar in front of her.

"I don't know, Liv." He leaned across the bar to look into her eyes. "Maybe you aught to stop here so that you can still function later on."

"Lucky for you, that is not a problem."

"I know, honey. But I really think you should slow down."

He handed her a glass of water.

"Here, you'll thank me tomorrow."

She giggled again and took a sip.

"Fine, I can take a hint."

Ten minutes later he locked up the back doors and helped her off her barstool to walk toward the front door. Olivia stumbled and staggered and could barely stand up. She was wasted and now mumbling random things that made no sense to him at all. She tripped over nothing almost falling into the floor.

"Are you okay," he asked as she leaned back against the wall and slid down it to rest for a moment in the floor.

"I'm good," she said with a laugh as she brushed her bangs from her eyes. "It just all kind of hit at once."

"Yeah? Lucky for us you only live a block and a half away."

She smiled up at him as he helped her to her feet.

"Here," he said helping her to her feet.

Olivia stumbled a few more steps and almost fell again.

"Change of plans," he said as he picked her up and leaned her over his shoulder.

Olivia laughed again as he spun around and walked out the front door. He hair was hanging down and her arms dangled beside it.

"Hey," he heard from behind him as he turned around to see Elliot standing behind him.

He sat Olivia down on the side walk and leaned her back against the building.

"Can you wait here with her for a second while I go get my car?" He asked Elliot.

Olivia giggled almost deliriously, as she sighed and continued to ramble random one sided conversation.

"Where are you taking her?" Elliot asked as he brushed her hair from her eyes and tipped her chin up for her to look at him.

"She asked me to take her home. I was going to just walk her back, but then I realized she was this bad off and I figured I would just drive her."

"I've got her," Elliot said as Olivia groaned and twisted his tie in her fingers.

"It's okay, man. She asked me to."

"Yeah, well I am now asking you not to. Thank you. But, I've got her. I can take it from here."

"Okay."

Elliot lifted Olivia and carried her to his car, sliding her into the passengers seat.

He drove her back to his apartment and helped her inside. He sat her on the couch and made her a cup of coffee, but it didn't seem to help much. She was so drunk.

"Where is he?" She mumbled in her ramblings.

"The bartender? I left him back at the bar."

Elliot helped her toward the bedroom and gave her some clothes to change into to sleep in.

"He was going to take me home."

"Yeah, I know. And God only knows what he was going to do while he was there.

She pulled her clothes off and stood in her bra and underwear as she stared at him.

"I asked him to."

"To, what?"

"To, stay. You know. Sex."

Elliot rubbed his hands over his face once more.

"I'm going to…" he pointed into the hall. "You get changed. You can have the bed."

He turned and walked out before she could tell him anymore about her intent to have sex with a stranger. He got there just in time.

Elliot walked back through the living room and fixed her a glass of water and took her two aspirin from a bottle them walked back to the bedroom. He walked into his bedroom noticing the trail of clothing leading to the bed. There under a thin sheet laid a completely nude Olivia.

Elliot sat the glass on the night stand as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"You should take these and drink this water. It will help tomorrow."

She rolled over to look at him, then sat up holding the sheet against her body. She took the aspirin and finished the glass of water.

"There you go," he said softly as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Elliot stood up to walk from the room.

"El, where are you going?" She mumbled softly.

"To sleep on the couch. If you need anything, just call for me."

"Can you stay?"

He turned to look at her as she scooted over in the bed.

"Liv…"

She patted the bed beside her.

"Are you nervous because there is a naked girl in your bed?"

"I just really don't think this is a good idea. You have had a lot to drink and I just think it is better if we didn't."

"We don't have to. I just don't want to be alone."

Elliot sat down on the edge of the bed beside her.

"Okay, just until you fall asleep."

She smiled her approval and slid down into the bed tucking her sheet tighter around her body.

"I don't bite," she said looking at him.

Elliot smiled a nervous smile and laid down beside her. He turned to face her and stared into her eyes.

"Olivia, I am so sorry. I was a jerk tonight."

"I know," she replied. "I was there."

It was only a few minutes before she began to ramble again. She told him numerous random information, almost as if she were in confession. Then out of the blue she began to talk about her sex life. Revealing the fact that it had been a long time since she had sex and her intention in taking Jake back to her place. She also told him about the arrangement that she had once had with Jake.

Elliot laid beside her in the dark as she stared into his eyes.

"Elliot."

"Yeah?"

She raised her hand and placed it against his.

"I wasn't going to do it."

He just looked at her for a minute.

"I had already told him that I changed my mind. He was just taking me home."

"Why would you change you mind?"

"Because I realized it wasn't just sex that I wanted. And sleeping with him might make me feel better for tonight, but it wasn't going to fix anything." She paused for a moment. "I wasn't going t sleep with him Elliot, because I'm in love with you. I don't want to be with anyone else. And I don't want to be alone."

Elliot raised his hand and cupped the side of her face.

"You're not alone."

She smiled.

"You know what I mean. I waited for you. For you to ask me….To make me your girlfriend, officially. But you never said anything. You never held my hand or kissed me. What happened? Did you change your mind?"

"No. I didn't change my mind. Liv, I still want to be with you. I just…."

"Then just be with me, Elliot." She cut him off. "It doesn't have to be that complicated. I wanted to move slow, but I thought we would actually be together."

"Then we will. Starting tomorrow."

"Why tomorrow?"

"Because I want to ask you, but I don't want to do it while you are intoxicated."

"Well, by tomorrow I will probably just be hung over."

They both smiled.

"Then it is probably a good thing I brought you back here so that I can take care of you."

"That's sweet, El."

"Yeah. I'm not always an ass."

Olivia laughed again.

Things were quiet for a few minutes and she closed her eyes. She was almost asleep when she heard his voice again.

"Olivia."

"Yeah," she said quietly but did not open her eyes.

"The last time I had sex was almost seven months ago, with you."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

She smiled again.

"My last time was with you. And I want my next time to be with you."

"And every time after that," he added. "You should get some sleep," he whispered.

"Good night, Elliot."

"Good night, Olivia."

**EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEEOEOEOEOEO**

It was nearing five o'clock in the morning when Elliot opened his eyes as he felt a strange tickle under his nose. He twitched his nose in an attempt to fight off a sneeze as he raised his hand to it in the dark.

He smiled as she shapes around him came into focus. This foreign object that had pulled him from his heavy sleep was the hair on the top of Olivia's head. He took a deep breath and smoothed his hand over the top of her head kissing it gently.

At some time in the night she had rolled over and curled into him in a fetal like position tucking her forehead tight into his chest the way she had so many times before. Out of what he could only describe as habit, Elliot had closed his arms around her holding her through the night leaving the top of her head to brush gently against his neck and chin with the soft movements of her breathing. And this was the position they were in when he had opened his eyes.

It was funny, he thought. That even though they were not together right now their bodies somehow instinctively found each other in the dark and formed into this shape. The form that they took when she melted perfectly into his arms. The soft curves of her body blending with his. As if at some point in time that had bee one large mass, then separated only to find each other once more.

He had been married to Kathy for over twenty years and held her through many nights sleep, but she had never fit in his arms the way that Olivia did. Like they were made to hold only her and now here she was again, back when she belonged. Because in his arms she was home.


	26. 26 A New Beginning

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Twenty Six: A New Beginning)_

Elliot spent most of the next day comforting Olivia through a hang over. They laid curled up in bed together as he watched television and she tried to sleep it off. Around noon Elliot slipped out from under her in the bed and moved into his kitchen to cook something for them to eat.

He had made her favorite pancakes, but the first couple of bites brought on nausea. Olivia settled for another glass of water and a handful of saltine crackers before she passed out once more. She laid with her forehead resting against Elliot's side and her face buried between him and the mattress.

Elliot looked down at her wearing nothing but a tee shirt and a pair of boxers. Her hair was all messy and she reeked of the bar. Still somehow, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Elliot wrapped his arm around her waist and raised her head a little to lay more comfortably against his chest. He reached down and pulled the blanket up around her more tucking it behind her in the bed. He watched her as she slept so peacefully in his arms.

Olivia moaned a little and stirred in his arms. Elliot gently kissed the top of her head and rubbed his hand in circles against her back above the tee shirt. She shivered only for a second as a chill ran through her body and goose bumps appeared over her skin. Elliot moved his hand up to cup the side of her face and brushed her hair back with his thumb. He placed a soft kiss against her forehead as Olivia drew her arms in against her chest and curled into him again. Elliot closed his arms around her as he felt her forehead nestle in against the side of his neck. Over these last few months of sleeping alone, he had forgotten how wonderful it felt to hold her.

A few hours later Elliot turned out the lights for the night. Olivia had successfully slept through the entire day. But if that kept her from feeling sick, then Elliot was okay with it. Besides, his day had turned out pretty wonderful as well. He had gotten to spend the entire day in bed holding the woman he loved. Not bad, he thought. Not bad at all.

Elliot awoke a few hours later as he felt her climb back into the bed beside him. She must have gotten up to use the bathroom, he thought as he rolled over and raised his arm for her to slip back under.

"Everything okay?" He asked looking at her in the dark.

"Yes," she replied softly. "I went to pee and get some water."

"Oh," he said with a smile.

"Hey, you asked."

Olivia laid across his chest and stared up at him.

Elliot reached down and twisted a strand of her hair in his fingers as Olivia smiled at him.

"How do you feel?"

"Much better, now."

"Good. I hate seeing you sick."

She smiled again as she laid her head down on his chest and looked up at him.

"Yes, but I slept all day and now I can't sleep."

"Oh. Well, we could do something else."

Olivia smiled at him resisting a chuckle as Elliot handed her the remote control.

"Dirty mind," he said with a smile.

Olivia laughed softly and pulled the remote from his hand.

"Wishful thinking," she remarked shooting a playful glare over her shoulder at him as she changed the channels in the dark.

"Give me that," he said tackling her for the remote control.

Olivia laughed and smiled and Elliot kissed her. He pulled back and stared into her eyes for a moment. She laid back against the pillow on her side of the bed and cocked her head to stare at him. Elliot exhaled and sunk into his pillow as he returned his attention to the television and continued to flip through the channels.

"I was thinking we could pick out a movie on pay per view," he said quickly changing the subject.

"Sure," she said softly unsure of what exactly had just happened between them.

They picked out a movie and laid in bed watching it together. Elliot made popcorn and after about an hour Olivia had curled back into him and fallen asleep once more.

The next morning Elliot fixed them breakfast. They sat down together and enjoyed their meal at the kitchen table then Olivia gathered her things to head home. It was around noon and she was beginning to wonder if her had decided against asking her out all together.

"Thank you," she said softly pulling her purse strap over her shoulder.

"No problem. But next time, it might be a good idea to lay off the tequila."

Olivia laughed.

"Yeah. I don't drink it much."

She leaned against the wall and stared into the cool blue eyes in front of her aching for him to lean forward and press his mouth to hers. Her breaths were deep and sharp and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest so hard she was sure he could hear it from where he stood.

"I should go," she said after several long moments of awkward moments of silence.

"Olivia," he started as she stopped and looked up at him. "I'm glad that…..I mean I….I…." she just stared at him. Spit it out Elliot, he thought to himself. "I missed you," he said softly/

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

She smiled a warm smile and her eyes lit up.

"I missed you too, El. I missed us."

"I was thinking, maybe if you were not too busy later…..maybe I could take you to dinner."

She smiled again.

"I'd like that."

"I was thinking, I could make a reservation for someplace nice. We could dress up and have a little dinner and maybe do a little dancing. Someplace romantic and quiet. And just spend a little quality time with my girlfriend."

She smiled and laughed a little as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Really?"

"Well yes, assuming that you still want to spend your time with a jerk like me."

"There is no one else I would rather spend my time with, Elliot. And you are not always a jerk."

"No, but I have been lately and I am sorry. I miss you and I do love you, very much. I want us to start over and I promise you that I am going to do better this time. Because this time I am not going to let you go."

"Good. Because there will not be a next time. I want this Elliot and I want it with you. But I cant keep standing here and letting you break my heart the way that you do. I need something real, something I can count on, someone I can depend on. I want that to be you, but if it isn't, then I need to move on. I am giving you everything that I have. All of my faith and all of my love. My heart is in the palm of your hand. But if you break it again, I don't think I could mend it anymore."

"I love you Olivia. And I want to take this chance and prove it to you. This thing between us is real. And I don't want to screw things up and lose you again."

"I love you too," she said softly as she leaned in and kissed him.

Elliot pressed his forehead to hers and stared into her eyes.

"Then I will pick you up around eight?"

"Make it seven," she said with a smile, "we both have to work in the morning."

"Okay, then I will pick you up at seven. Liv, you wont regret this, I promise."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

"I'll see you tonight," she said softly.

"Yeah," he replied with a smile and she walked out the door.


	27. 27 The Right Way

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Twenty Seven: The Right Way)_

Olivia pressed her head against Elliot's shoulder and closed her eyes as she listened to the gentle thump of his heart. He held her tight and lead her around the rooftop.

She thought back at how perfect their evening had been. Elliot had picked her up at seven o'clock and taken her to one of her favorite restaurants for dinner and dancing. Afterward they shared a cab back to her apartment where they opened a bottle of wine and headed up here.

They sat and talked for a little while in cool summer night air. Then Elliot stood up and took her by the hand pulling her into his arms as they danced once more. Olivia smiled against his chest and moaned softly as Elliot traced his fingertip along the spaghetti strap of her ivory chiffon dress.

A light breeze blew across the city and danced across the rooftop. Elliot closed his eyes as they swayed back and forth and the smell of the jasmine from her shampoo surrounded them. He had missed this. Just being with her, holding her, feeling her heartbeat against his.

He moved his hand up to brush his thumb across her jaw and leaned in to kiss her. Olivia stretched out her arms and placed them around his neck as she smiled and stared into his eyes.

"I have missed you so much," Elliot whispered against her ear.

"I missed you too El," she replied shifting her beautiful brown eyes to gaze into his.

She tipped her head back to press her mouth to his. He held her close gliding his hands over her body above the dress as their kisses became more heated. A little while later Olivia lead him down the steps and back into the apartment. She locked her fingers in his as he followed her back to the bedroom.

They kissed passionately and touched and stared into each others soul. Olivia broke their embrace for a moment to lean back and unbutton his shirt, her eyes never leaving his. She pushed the open shirt back against his shoulders as she stepped in against him once more running her hands over his bare chest. She moaned a soft and playful moan as she kissed Elliot tenderly.

"Olivia," he whispered, "is this too fast?"

She stopped and looked into his eyes. "You don't want to?"

"Oh God baby, I want to. I just know you wanted to take this slow. And that is okay with me. If you would rather wait, I will. I just want to do this right this time. I messed things up so bad before and I hurt you."

Olivia smiled and looked at him.

"We don't have to wait Elliot. I just wanted to make sure that when this did happen it wasn't some sporadic thing brought on by alcohol or just some random encounter. This is a package deal. I want this, as long as we are together and in a relationship. No more affair or sneaking around or one night flings. I want to do this."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she replied softly leaning in to kiss him again.

Elliot caressed her back with his hands as they kissed passionately. He moved his hands slowly up and unzipped her dress as it fell to the floor. Moments later they were laying in Olivia's bed together making love, slowly and passionately. They took their time and when it was over she laid on her stomach in the bed beside him.

Elliot turned his head to look at her and they both smiled as he slid in closer to kiss her again. Olivia smiled at him as he held her hand in his and smiled back at her.

"This is so nice," she said softly.

"Yeah," Elliot replied.

"It is nice to lay here with you and not have to wonder if you will be here when I wake up. You will, wont you?"

Elliot laughed and smiled as he pulled her across the bed and into his arms.

"I will stay as long as you want me to stay."

"I want you to stay. I like you here. I like us here."

"So do I," he replied kissing her again. "We should try to get some sleep though. We're probably going to need our energy in the morning."

Olivia smiled and laughed at him.

"I love you Olivia Benson," Elliot said placing another kiss on her lips.

"I love you Elliot Stabler," she replied with a gentle smile.

Elliot pulled the blankets up around them and closed his arms tight around her as he combed his fingers in her hair. Before long, they were sleeping soundly together.

The next day was centered around them. When Elliot woke up Olivia was already up and had the coffee started. He joined her in the kitchen for breakfast, then followed her down the hall to the bathroom for a hot and sexy shower.

Afterward they got dressed and took a cab across town to the market and a video store. They spent most of the afternoon curled up on the couch together watching movies and making out.

That evening Elliot grilled them steaks and they drank beer and watched a baseball game on television. Later after a steamy make out session on the couch got a little carried away, Elliot carried a half naked Olivia back to the bedroom to take advantage of her.


	28. 28 The Ties That Bind

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Twenty Eight: The Ties That Bind)_

Six months had passed and Elliot and Olivia had managed to sustain a stable, healthy relationship. No lies or sneaking around. Just open communication between them and everyone around them. They had managed to tell everyone at work and the children about their romantic relationship. Everyone around them seemed to be much more accepting than they had expected and so far everything seemed to be going well.

The kids, or the girls rather, asked Elliot nearly every weekend if he and Olivia were going to get married. To that his only answer was, _**maybe someday, but for now we are taking things slow.**_ This usually resulted in the typical teenaged shoulder shrug or a rolling of the eyes and change of subject.

The truth was he wanted to marry her, he couldn't wait to marry her. But he wanted to do things right this time. And right meant waiting until the timing was right for both of them. He loved Olivia. More than he had ever loved any woman in his life. But he didn't want to rush things or make her feel pressured into doing something she was not yet ready for. For her, he would wait.

It was now the first weekend in December and Elliot stood next to Olivia holding her hand as they gazed into the display window of a department store. Elliot watched the world behind them through the reflection of the glass, the busyness of the city on a cold winter day as snow flurries began to dance on the crisp air. He watched closely as Olivia leaned in close to look at a pair of shoes. Her warm breath laid a thin fog over the glass. Elliot reached up with his gloved fingertip and drew a heart in the fog.

Olivia laughed and smiled over her shoulder at him. He loved her smile. I didn't matter how cold it was outside, her smile was always so warm and kind.

"Why don't you just go in and buy them?" Elliot asked with a simple smile.

"What?" She asked being coy.

"The shoes. If you want them, buy them. Or at least go inside the store and look at them. There is no point in us standing around out here in the freezing cold looking through a frosted window at a pair of shows that obviously belong in your closet beside the two hundred pairs you already have. If you want them, go in and buy them."

Olivia smiled. "You think you are on top of things, don't you?" She pulled her purse strap over her shoulder and placed her arms around his neck. She leaned forward and kissed him. "For your information, Mr. Know it all, I was looking at the purse."

"The purse?"

"Yes. The one beside the shoes. That happens to be the one Kathleen wants for Christmas. And it is really hard to find. I was trying to remember if I still have a charge account here or wondering if I should just put it on my credit card."

"Well," Elliot was trying so hard to be serious, but he cracked a smile and eventually laughed. "Maybe we should go inside the store where it is warmer and I can think of a comeback for that. Because, I think my brain cells are frozen."

Olivia laughed again and smiled as she took him by the hand and lead him inside. Elliot walked around bored out of his mind, as Olivia did her holiday shopping. They went in for a purse. A two hundred dollar purse. But when they left the store they left with the purse and angora hat, glove and scarf sets for Olivia and all three girls. And Olivia bought the pair of shoes in the window as well.

They continued walking along the sidewalk as Olivia snuggled against him. Elliot kept one arm tight around her and in the other he lugged her shopping bags.

"Do you want to catch a movie or something?" He asked flashing his sexy smile at her.

"Sure. We should stop by the car and drop this stuff off first."

They walked to Olivia's car and put the bags into the trunk, then walked hand in hand the few blocks until they reached an old theatre that played old black and white movies.

"Two," Elliot said smiling back at her as Olivia smiled at him.

He handed the woman the money and moved forward to find their seats for "It's A Wonderful Life." As Olivia settled into her seat and turned her cell phone on vibrate, Elliot went back to the front to get them popcorn and drinks.

During the movie Elliot caught himself spending most of the time watching Olivia. The wonder and amazement in her eyes and the emotion on her face as she watched the movie. It was one of her favorites, he knew this. A movie they had seen together at least half a dozen times in the years that he had known her. Yet she still sat here and watched it and got caught up in it as if it were the first time she had ever seen the movie.

And at the end, when all was right again and she witnessed the same happy ending as every time she had seen it before, he watched tears glide gently down her face. Elliot loved this about her. How after seeing some of the horrible things they had seen, she could still be so touched by something so simple as an old Jimmy Stewart movie and a bit of Christmas spirit.

After the movie Elliot took her for a walk in the park and a cup of hot cocoa. Olivia of course donned her new angora hat and scarf as they sat on a bench and watched ice skaters while they made small talk. They had been together for a while now as a couple and saw each other every day, but sometimes it was just nice to be able to sit down and be together. No work or responsibilities. No expectations. Just him and her. Simplicity in their complicated world. These were some of Olivia's favorite moments with him.

Or when the world was quiet and no one else was around and they would just sit and be together. Sometimes at night after a long and hectic day at work, Elliot would stay over. And they would or wouldn't make love. They would lay in bed together in the dark. Side by side. Her hand in his. And just look at each other for hours. No words. Just complete silence and total relaxation. They would simply exist together. This was what made her so confident they could make it as a couple. Or as a married couple. Eventually.

It was funny, she thought now, of all the men she had dated her entire life Elliot was the only one she could ever seriously imagine herself married to. She had always known that one day, some day, she wanted to marry and have children. But the right man had never really come along. Until now. Or he, Elliot, had come along. But he was someone else's right man. Someone else's husband and the father of some other woman's children.

But not anymore. His divorce had been final for some time now. He had made it crystal clear that he wanted to be with her and only her. And someday he intended to make her his wife. And his children, he was working harder every day to make them their children. He had even spoke of them having a child together someday. All thoughts that pleased her greatly. Elliot and the children had become her world.

Olivia felt Elliot's arms tighten around her as he pulled her in for a kiss.

"Tell me what you are thinking," he whispered softly against her ear.

"I have never been this happy," she replied with a smile as she stared ahead at the skaters.

"Never?"

"Well, maybe once. But he the man I loved belonged to someone else."

"No Liv, I have always belonged to you. I just didn't know it until after I had married her."

She turned her forehead in against his neck and breathed in the scent of his cologne. Elliot tilted his head to look down into the depths of her big brown eyes. Olivia smiled softly and brushed the bridge of her nose against his cheek.

"I love you," she breathed into his ear as she drew his face in closer and pressed his mouth to hers.

Her kisses tasted like chocolate and mini marshmallows from the cocoa. And her eyes lit up when she smiled at him. Elliot placed his pointer finger against the puckered pout of her full lips and stared into her eyes.

"And I love you," he said leaning in to steal another sweet kiss.

Afterward Olivia laid her head against his chest and he held her close to him as tiny snow flakes began to fall around them once more.

"I could stay out here with you all night," she said bringing her paper cup to her lips again.

Elliot focused his attention on the brandy colored lipstick mark on the brim of her cup.

"Maybe, if it wasn't so damn cold."

Olivia opened her purse and pulled out her phone. She scooted in against him and smiled as she took a picture of them together. She laughed as she stared down at it.

"It's good. Except my nose is red. I hate that."

"I think it's adorable," he said kissing the tip of her nose. "The kiss of winter on your cheeks and the tip of your nose. You are so beautiful."

"You know, we still have not even began to plan our Christmas with the kids."

"I know. Actually I will have them the weekend before Christmas."

"You don't get them for Christmas? I thought you got them every year?"

"This year Kathy and her mother wanted to take the kids to some uncle's house or something. She wants them that entire week. I didn't really think it was a big deal. I figured we could do our family thing with them the weekend before and that would leave Christmas for you and me."

"Ahh. And what exactly do you plan on doing with me?" She asked with a devilish grin.

"I have a few ideas. I'm still working out a few details. I will have to get back to you," Elliot replied as he playfully bit her earlobe.

Olivia laughed. "I think maybe it is time you took me home, Detective Stabler."

"You do, huh?"

"Yeah, I do. And maybe, since you have been such a good boy," she draped her arm over his shoulder and shot him her best seductive gaze, "I will let you open one of your gifts a little early."

"Oh yeah? Sounds exciting. Does it involve you wearing nothing but a big red bow?"

Olivia laughed. "Not exactly."

"Oh, well I am sure whatever it is will be nice."

She leaned in and blew a bit of warm breath against his ear.

"But it you have your heart set on seeing me naked tonight, I am sure we could work something out."

Elliot laughed and pulled back to look at her. Olivia winked and Elliot kissed her softly.

"Baby, I would love to see you naked every night. I am not particular."

"Take me home, Stabler."

"Yes, ma'am."

Elliot walked with her arm in arm back to her car. He opened the door for her and held it as she climbed inside.

**BENSON RESIDENCE (10:28 pm)**

Olivia climbed the stairs to her apartment slowly as she fumbled with the apartment keys in her hand. Three steps behind her was Elliot, watching her as she walked, thanking God and Silver Jeans for the way she looked tonight. She had chosen to wear a bomber style waist length coat and her favorite pair of blue jeans that perfectly accented every curve of her body. She often referred to them as her "good ass" jeans and from this angle, Elliot could tell exactly why. She had a perfect ass, he thought to himself as a guilty grin crossed his face. Everything about her body was perfect. And tonight he fully intended to kiss every single inch of it. Starting with the rosy tip of her nose, her chocolate flavored brandy lips and finally ending with her pretty little painted toes. She was so amazing and he was the luckiest man in the world.

Olivia unlocked the apartment door and walked inside in the dark feeling for the light switch. She tossed her keys on the end table beside the couch and kicked her shoes off in front of the door.

"You wait here," she said pointing to the couch. "I will be back in one minute." She batted her long dark eyelashes at him and smiled seductively as she danced down the hallway toward the bedroom.

"Yes, ma'am." Elliot kicked his shoes off beside hers and sat her shopping bags on the counter, then made his way to sit on the couch and wait for her return.

**BENSON RESIDENCE (10:38 pm)**

Olivia returned to the living room still wearing all of her clothes, including her hat and scarf. In her hand she carried a small red box. She sat on the couch beside Elliot with a smile on her face and handed him the box.

"It is nothing big, but I think you will like it. I hope you will like it." She folded her legs under her on the couch and watched him as he opened the box.

"It's a tie."

"You don't like it?"

"No, I love it."

"Not what you expected?"

"Maybe a little more formal than I expected."

"Lingerie?"

"Well…"

"Christmas isn't over yet."

"Ahh," he said with a sly smile.

"There is more. Here," she said taking the tie from the box and wrapping it around his neck. She tied it and flipped it over for him to look at the front.

"The tie pin. That is nice."

"There are matching cuff links, too."

"I love them. All of them."

"I thought the tie was sexy."

"Well then, that is all that matters." Elliot leaned in and kissed her passionately. "Thank you baby."

"You're welcome."

He pulled her into his lap and kissed her again. Olivia unbuttoned his shirt and moved her hands over his muscular chest. She kissed his neck and pushed his shirt off. She twisted the tie in her fingers as he moved his hands over her hips. Elliot raised his mouth to meet hers again.

"Wait," she said pushing his hands back to the couch. "I'm not finished with you yet."

Olivia stood up and lead him down the hall and into the bedroom by the tie.

**BENSON RESIDENCE (10:50 pm)**

Olivia smoothed her hands over Elliot's chest as she walked a circle around him, tracing each muscle in his back and abs with her fingertip. She stood behind him and snaked her arms around his waist gliding her hands up his chest slowly and then back down again. Her fingers danced across his waist as she unbuttoned his pants and sent them crashing to the floor. She made her way around in front of him again and pushed him back onto the bed.

**BENSON RESIDENCE (10:59 pm)**

Olivia pulled off her scarf and hat and tossed them beside him on the bed. She danced around slowly as she pulled her sweater off and tossed it into the floor beside his pants. Elliot watched her from the bed as she moved so seductively. Stopping every few minutes to look over her shoulder at him squirming there on the bed, waiting for her.

Olivia stared back at him wearing nothing but the tie, his boxers and a dumbfounded look on his face. She stared at him over her shoulder as she unbuttoned the fly of her jeans slowly. She turned to face him and flipped her hair back as she lowered herself closer to the floor and pulled her jeans down. Now she stood before him wearing nothing but her black lace bra and matching thong.

"Oh baby," Elliot stuttered reaching out for her.

"You like what you see, huh?"

"Oh yeah," he nodded his head unable to say anything else.

Olivia walked slowly toward the bed as Elliot slid his hand up the back of her leg. He raised it to rest her knee on the bed beside him as he sat up and kissed her waist. He slipped his fingers under the thin waist band of the thong and moved it downward until it rested in the floor between her feet.

**BENSON RESIDENCE (11:14 pm)**

Elliot stood up raising his knee between hers and pulled her body against his. Olivia gasped softly as she felt his fingertips move up her back and unclasp her bra. He turned her and laid her against the bed as he stepped out of his boxers. He reached to undo the tie.

"No," she said sitting up and reaching for it. Olivia twisted the tie in her fingers once more and used it to pull him on top of her.

He kissed her and moved his hands over her body. After a few minutes Olivia rolled them over so that she was sitting on top of him. She smiled at him and kissed him again. She untied the tie from his neck and laced it around his wrists tying it to the headboard of the bed.

**BENSON RESIDENCE (11:24 pm)**

Olivia kissed and licked slowly over his entire body before returning her lips to his. She kissed him passionately and slowly lowered herself onto him. She moaned softly and closed her eyes as she moved on top of him. Elliot groaned as his breathing began to speed up.

Olivia laughed tauntingly. She pressed her body hard against his as she rocked into him. Elliot moaned and Olivia gasped.

"God I love you," he moaned.

"I love you," she mumbled through chocolate kisses.

"Let me touch you," he pleaded as she leaned her body against him.

She smiled down at him.

"Olivia, baby, please."

**BENSON RESIDENCE (11:40 pm)**

Olivia leaned in and kissed Elliot as she reached above his head and untied the tie that bound him to the bed. As she did he sat up and slid his hands against her thighs as he pulled her harder into him.

Olivia gasped and tipped her head back as Elliot kissed up the sensitive skin of her neck. Elliot pulled her down onto him as he thrust deeper inside her. Olivia moaned at his mercy as Elliot laid her back with her head against the foot of the bed. He took the tie and tied it around her like a blindfold.

**BENSON RESIDENCE (11:52 pm)**

Olivia smiled and laughed as she felt his hands smooth over her body. She moaned softly as he began to kiss and explore her with his tongue. She reached her hands out to rest against his chest, tracing her fingertips along the lines of his biceps.

Olivia curled her toes ad she felt Elliot raise her foot to kiss it. She bit her lip until she couldn't take it anymore, then burst into laughter.

"That tickles," she said with a smile as Elliot massaged her foot.

He moved his hands slowly up the calf muscle of her leg massaging each muscle until he reached her knee and had her moaning for an entirely different reason. Then he switched off and worked the other leg.

Elliot trailed baby kisses back up her belly and around the side of her neck. He positioned himself over her and entered her once more. Within moments he had her moaning softly as he moved slowly inside her and sucked on her neck.

"El, don't leave any marks."

"All the things I could do to you right now and that is the one you are worried about?"

She raised her blindfold for a moment and glared at him.

"Okay, no marks. I get it. Now put that back down. No peeking!" Elliot reached to slide he blindfold back into position over her eyes.

He pressed his mouth against hers and continued with his movements until he had her moaning again. He moved one hand to gently massage one of her breasts. Elliot began to move harder and faster inside her. And Olivia's moans increased speed as well.

"I can't do this. I want to look into your eyes," he said as he pulled the blindfold from her face and leaned his forehead to hers.

Elliot used the tie to bind her wrists to the headboard, much the way she had done to him earlier in the evening. Olivia bit her lip and stared up at him with a grin. She licked her lips and batted her eyes and that was it.

She squealed in excitement as Elliot returned his attention to her to finish what he had started.

**BENSON RESIDENCE (12:37 am)**

Olivia gasped for air as Elliot fell beside her in the bed.

"That was incredible."

"I think that tie may very well be the best gift I have ever received."

Olivia stared at him as they both burst into laughter.

"I love you, Liv."

"I love you too, baby."

Elliot kissed her tenderly as she stared into his eyes and smiled.

**BENSON RESIDENCE (01:28 am)**

Elliot laid asleep in her bed. Olivia's back set close to his chest and his arm draped over her waist resting beside hers. Nothing between them but the sheet. Around her left wrist, the tie still tied on one end as the other wrapped around his arm like a ribbon.

**BENSON RESIDENCE (03:36 am)**

They were both in a deep sleep when the noise startled them. Elliot jumped up so fast he nearly fell from the bed. He sat up and looked around the dark room, for a moment unsure of his surroundings. He took a deep breath and tried to focus his eyes on the glow of his cell phone on the night stand.

Olivia yawned as she reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. She pulled the blankets up over her chest and rolled over to face Elliot's side of the bed.

"Stabler," Elliot growled into the phone.

"Hey, buddy." John Munch's voice rang out through the silent bedroom. "Cragen asked me to call you. We got a real mess going on down here. We need you and Olivia, ASAP. Fin's already here."

"What the hell is going on it's three thirty in the morning?"

"That witness we had to the Massey murder. Let's just say she is not going to be doing any talking now."

"Someone killed her?"

"Well Warner is still trying to put the pieces together. All of the pieces. She took a little flight off of a twenty four story apartment building. From the looks of things on the ground I am guessing she took flight somewhere around the eighteenth floor. Listen I tried to get a hold of Liv, with no luck. Wait, she's not there with you is she?"

"I'll be there when I get there."

"She is! Did I interrupt the….you know?"

"Good bye, John!"

Elliot hung up the phone and looked over at Olivia sleeping peacefully. She had tried to stay awake long enough to see what was going on with the case, but had lost that battle. He slid over beside her in the bed and gently kissed the tip of her nose.

"Liv, baby. You have to wake up."

"Hmm," she mumbled in her sleep.

Elliot laid down beside her in the bed. He wrapped his arm around her and dragged his nose over hers, then kissed her forehead.

"Hey beautiful. It's time to wake up."

"Shit!"

"I know baby."

Olivia groaned and sat up in the bed as she yawned.

"I am going to kill John Munch!"

"You get dressed. I will go start some coffee." Elliot stood and pulled his boxers and pants back on. "My shirt is in the living room anyway," he said as he leaned in to kiss her lips and pulled the end of the tie around her wrist until the bow unraveled.

Olivia laughed.

**BENSON RESIDENCE (03:56 am)**

Olivia rejoined Elliot in the living room as he handed her a travel mug of coffee.

"I thought we were supposed to be off today?" She mumbled as she took a sip.

"We are off today. Apparently this is not something Cragen feels Munch and Fin can handle on their own."

"So he needs us to baby sit?"

"I'm not really sure. But he said both of us."

Olivia picked up her car keys and headed toward the door.

"Hey," Elliot said pulling her back toward him and holding her in his arms. "I love you. And I had an incredible time last night."

Olivia smiled an exhausted smile. "So did I. I love you, too. We'd better get going before Cragen kicks both our asses."

"Yeah, Munch said they tried to call your phone."

"I must have left it in my purse. I was a little distracted when we got back from shopping."

"Yeah, so was I."

Olivia smiled as Elliot opened the car door for her and she climbed inside.


	29. 29 Victim Of Circumstance

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Twenty Nine: Victim Of Circumstance)_

**SPECIAL VICTIM'S UNIT PRECINCT (04:17 am)**

Elliot drove past the precinct to so they could grab their service weapons and trade out Olivia's personal car for a squad car. Then it was off to the crime scene.

**ARCHSTONE CHELSEA APARTMENTS (04:40 am)**

Olivia stepped out of the car and walked toward the crowd of onlookers and uniformed cops ahead in the street. She watched as one uniformed officer strung yellow crime scene tape around the perimeter of the area.

A cold drizzling rain began to fall. Olivia took a deep breath as she walked forward and knelt beside Dr. Warner to get a look at the body.

"She's rough," Warner warned.

Olivia nodded her head as Melinda pulled back the sheet. Olivia winced, but kept her widened eyes focused on the remains. She tipped her head to the side and looked into the deceased woman's eyes.

"The back of the skull is shattered from impact. She barely missed that parked car. I have one shoe on the body. And the slip of a night gown is soaked in her blood. So far all of the wounds I'm finding are consistent with the fall. I'll have to take her back and get a better look at her. I have already sent blood samples off to the lab. I should have those back later this afternoon."

Olivia nodded again. "What are these marks in the eyes?"

"Busted capillaries. Could be from the fall. I'll know more after the autopsy."

"I have seen this before. In strangulation victims, the eyes had the marks like this. Are we sure she was alive when she left the balcony?" Olivia asked.

"There is significant evidence of a struggle in the apartment and on the balcony itself. Prints everywhere. We picked up the boyfriend. So far he's telling us he came over for a night of fun, she turned him down and they argued. He said she hit him and he pushed her. Messed up the apartment a bit. Girlfriend must have taken a swan dive after that," Fin announced.

"That doesn't add up," Melinda Warner added.

"Why do you say that?" Olivia asked.

"For one, there is semen on the body and obvious signs of very recent sexual activity."

"Rape?" Fin asked.

"Won't know until I can get a better look at her. But I'm not seeing any signs that she tried to fight any sexual advance. No genital trauma, bruising or tearing that I can tell of. With rape or rough sex those signs are usually more evident."

"So if she didn't have sex with the boyfriend, then someone is missing from the party." Olivia moved her gloved fingertip across the woman's blood spattered face to brush her hair away from her eyes. "She's so young."

"Victim is Karah Baker, she was nineteen. College student. She and the boyfriend and four other students happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and witnessed the Massey murders," Fin said.

"Murder, Mr. Douglas Massey is still in a coma. Not technically a murder victim yet," Munch pointed out.

"Miss Baker is Douglas Massey's step daughter. Only child of one, Alana Massey, formerly Baker. She and her friends were supposed to have a little get together the night Mrs. Massey was raped and murdered. They had been out to dinner and found Douglas laying unconscious after the attack in the townhouse floor when they returned that evening. Boyfriend went to call 911. As he did Karah and her friends walked in on twenty seven year old parking garage attendant Blake Myers in the act of strangling the mother, they saw him exit through the fire escape. She gave us the description, we picked him up and she picked him from the line up. Seemed pretty cut and dry until our witnesses started dying off," Fin continued.

"What are you talking about?" Olivia asked looking at Fin.

"She is the third. A week ago suspicious car accident claimed the life of David Burke, one of the other witnesses."

"And the other?" Olivia asked.

"Huh?" Fin asked.

"You said she was the third."

"Oh, yes. Suicide," Fin said.

"Jumped from an eighteen story balcony?" Olivia asked.

"Nope. Overdose," Munch said.

"Accidental suicide," Olivia replied.

"That is what it was ruled. But Claire Damian was not a user," Fin informed her.

"So she tries it and overdoses. Wouldn't be the first time the stuff killed someone on the first try," Olivia reminded him.

"No, but there were a lot of suspicious circumstances around that one," Melinda remembered. "They didn't have enough to make a case and the family just wanted to bury their kid. So it was ruled an accidental suicide."

"Why on earth would the family settle for that?" Olivia asked.

"She was from a broke family from across the river. Raised by the grandmother, very religious. She was upset by the fact that we did the autopsy to begin with. Said she just wanted to be able to put the girl to rest," Melinda informed them.

"So, we have five socialites and her. They witness the murder and now they are all turning up dead. We'd better get uniforms on the remaining three witnesses," Olivia suggested.

"Elliot is talking to Casey now to see if we have enough for an order of protective custody," Fin replied.

Olivia stared down into Karah's eyes once more. "What is this here?" She asked Melinda pointing to a bruising pattern on the girl's neck. "Looks like a ring pattern," Olivia suggested placing her hand against the spot on Karah's neck pointing out that her ring finger fell exactly where the mark was.

"Very well could be. I get some photographs sent over to you as soon as I get her cleaned up. That should make any bruising and marks a little easier to see."

"Thanks, Melinda." Olivia stood up and pulled her bloody gloves off turning them inside out.

Munch approached her and walked beside her for a moment. "Listen Liv, if I interrupted anything this morning when I called about this case, I'm sorry." Olivia stared blankly at him for a moment. "I mean, if you and Elliot were together….if you were…"

"I was sleeping, John. Very soundly, until I got the call."

"Okay," he said walking away.

She shook her head and walked into the building taking the elevator to the eighteenth floor to check out the apartment.

**APARTMENT 18B (06:15 am)**

"What have we got?" She asked Elliot, who had been walking through with CSU.

"Beds a mess. Some broken glass over here from a mirror that used to hang on the wall. And I found her other shoe. Looks like she threw the shoe, possibly at the boyfriend and it broke the mirror."

"But why would she walk all the way out to the balcony wearing the other one?" Olivia asked.

"There is also a scuff mark on the concrete balcony, I'm guessing from the heel of the shoe she is still wearing."

"A scuff mark. This sounds more like maybe someone persuaded her to take her little trip from the balcony. Lucky for us, she wore strappy heels."

"How is that lucky for us?"

"It didn't come off during the fall." Olivia took the radio from Elliot's hand and asked Fin to bring the shoe from Karah's body up to the apartment.

"Why do you want the shoe?"

"I just want to look at it for a minute."

Elliot picked up the heel he found in the living room and offered it to her.

"Don't you have a pair of these in your collection?" He joked.

"No, I don't." She replied with a smile as she pulled the heel from his hand. "Elliot, look." She leaned down and laid the bottom of the heel against the scuff mark. "Doesn't that mark look like it could have came from this shoe?"

"Yeah, so she scuffed her shoe while walking out to the balcony."

"That's what I thought."

"I don't understand."

"Here's the shoe you wanted, Liv." Fin walked through the apartment and handed it to her. Olivia inspected the heel then laid it down against the mark. "This scuff definitely came from this shoe."

"Yeah," Elliot said still confused.

"El, if you look at the wear pattern on the bottom of the heel. This shoe could have only been facing this direction to make that mark. If she were walking out of the living room, her shoe would have been facing the balcony and the mark would have been the other way. Like this."

"Damn Liv," Fin said staring down at her.

"She had to be facing the living room and walking backwards when the scuff mark was made," Elliot said in realization. "We gotta question this boyfriend again."

"It was a woman," Olivia mumbled.

"What?"

"She was about my size, right?"

"Right."

"Okay, look." Olivia turned him to face her. "Karah stood here, where I am, facing the living room. Let's say it was the boyfriend. Grab my throat."

"What?"

"Humor me," she said nodding her head as she raised Elliot's palm against her throat. "There, see. A man would have had a bigger hand."

"Okay."

"Okay. So the bruise from the ring would have been in a different place on her neck. But women have smaller hands." Olivia raised her own hand to her throat. "My ring finger sits exactly where the mark would have been on the body."

"You're right."

"I know that."

"Except for one thing," Elliot pointed out. "You're using your right hand." He turned Olivia to trade places with her. "The mark was on the right side of the neck. If her attacker was standing in front of her," Elliot raised his hand to her throat once more.

"It would have come from a left hand."

"Like an engagement ring."

They went back down to the parking lot to get another look at the body before it was taken away.

"So we are looking for a left handed woman wearing a very impressive princess cut diamond solitaire," Olivia said studying the mark on the neck again.

"How do you know that?" Elliot asked gazing into her eyes.

"You can tell by the pattern, here. It was a large square stone. The ring must have turned during the struggle and the stone was on the inside of the attacker's palm."

"She's right," Melinda Warner assured Elliot.

"Since when do you know so much about diamonds?"

Olivia smiled and turned to walk off.

Elliot turned around to see Munch and Fin standing behind him with smiles on both their faces.

"What?"

"Elliot, you've already got her picking out rings and you don't even know it," Munch said shaking his head.

"Some women just know things like that," Fin said. "We all just work with her like this so much, sometimes we forget she is a woman and not one of the guys."

"Oh, I'm sure Elliot has not forgotten." Munch laughed.

Fin rolled his eyes and walked past them back toward the crowd of uniformed officers.

As the sun rose and the crowd of bystanders thinned out Olivia began to feel the weight of only getting two hours of sleep the night before. She questioned a few neighbors about Karah Baker, then headed back downstairs to meet up with Elliot and head back to the precinct to question the boyfriend yet again.

"I could really use a cup of coffee," Olivia said looking up at Elliot. "You about ready to head back to the precinct?"

"I got a couple of more people around here I wanna talk to. Why don't you go on ahead and talk to the boyfriend, I'll catch a ride back with Munch in a little while."

"Okay."

Elliot tossed her the car keys and Olivia turned and walked toward the car.

"Wait up, Liv. I'll go ahead and ride back with you if that's okay," Fin said as he walked toward her.

"Sure. But I am totally stopping at Starbucks for a real cup of coffee on the way."

"Works for me."

He closed the car door behind him as she pulled away from the scene and into morning traffic.

**STARBUCKS (09:17 am)**

Olivia could feel Fin watching her as they stood in line for coffee. She knew he had something on his mind and was trying to think of the best approach to talk to her about it without offending her or pissing her off. She could tell this because he hadn't said a word in the half hour it took them to drive across town from the crime scene. She stepped forward and placed her drink order and grabbed a blueberry muffin as well. She turned around and sat down at a table as she waited for Fin to get his coffee.

"I thought we could just sit for a minute and enjoy our breakfast before heading back to the station," she suggested as she pushed his chair out from under the table with her foot.

"Okay, as long as we hurry. I don't even want to deal with Cragen if he finds out we stopped to sit down and have coffee."

"I'm talking five minutes. Just let me finish this," she said raising up the muffin, "and we can be on our way. Want half?" She broke the muffin in half and placed the larger "half" on a napkin sliding it over to him.

"Thanks."

Olivia watched him for a moment without saying a word. She took a deep breath and pressed her lips together.

"So spill it," she said raising an eyebrow and combing her fingers through her hair.

"What?"

"You have been staring me down all morning and have not said two words since we left Chelsea. What's on your mind?" She tipped her head to look at him.

Fin smiled. "I have just been wanting to ask you how things are going with you and Elliot?"

Olivia smiled back. "Ahh, there it is. Things are great. You were worried?"

"Not worried, really. I just know things got a little tough on you there for a while. And now, since you guys came out so to speak and told everyone about your relationship…" He sighed. "Everyone knowing is a relief, I am sure. But it can also add a little pressure to a relationship."

"We're fine. As a couple. It is a lot better now that we don't have to sneak around. The kids are happy about it."

"And Kathy?"

"Kathy is another story all together. Elliot says it doesn't matter what she thinks because they are divorced. But I can't help but secretly wish that somehow she could be happy for us. I think somewhere inside she knows that the affair was going on while they were married. She has never said anything and he never told her. But I am sure she figured it out at some point in time. As long as she is civil with him about the kids, I guess it really doesn't matter."

"True."

"Munch has been really weird about it though."

"How is that?"

"He just says random strange things. And makes stupid jokes about us having sex. Like that is all we ever do. It isn't, by the way."

"Oh." Fin shook his head. That was more than he needed to know.

"Like this morning. He said he called my phone first. I left my phone in the other room, last night. When I got here he got me off to myself and apologized for interrupting anything that may have been going on. But he did it in a way, it was almost like he was asking me if we were doing anything. It was three thirty in the morning. I was sleeping. Along with half of New York."

Fin laughed. "I am sure he will come around. I mean if I hadn't already known for a while now that the two of you had been seeing each other, it probably would have come as kind of a shock to me too."

Olivia smiled, "I guess so."

"Listen, we'd better get back before Cragen puts a hit out on us."

Olivia looked down at her phone. "Elliot just sent me a message. He and Munch are on their way back to the station now. Why don't you head on out to the car and I'll get them some coffee, now that the line has died down."

"Sounds good."

Olivia grabbed them coffee and they headed back to the precinct to interview Karah Baker's boyfriend.


	30. 30 The Love Of His Life

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Thirty: The Love Of His Life)_

"I have something for you," Elliot said with a large grin on his face.

"Aww, El."

"I know it's a bit early, but it couldn't wait until Christmas." He handed her an envelope with her name on it. "Open it."

"I am. I almost think you are more excited about this than I am."

Inside was a brochure for Hawaii, Maui to be exact, and two first class plane tickets.

"Hawaii?"

"Merry Christmas."

"Really? We're going to Hawaii for Christmas?"

"The entire week of Christmas. I pretty much had to sell my soul for these tickets. It is very hard to get tickets to anywhere in Hawaii around Christmas. But I got a suite at the Four Seasons at a place called Wailea. The travel agent said it is more likely to be sunny on that part of the island."

"Sun would be nice."

"Well it is the rainy season in Hawaii. But she said it doesn't usually rain all day. I figure we can find some way to occupy ourselves if it rains. Just think Liv, while everyone here is freezing their asses off in nasty thirty below New York weather, you and I will be soaking up the sun on the beach in Maui in bathing suits. It is eighty degrees there."

"It sounds wonderful."

"And there is this beach called," Elliot flipped through the brochure, "Lana' I. You take the ferry over and rent a jeep. It is supposed to have romantic snow white beaches. Great place for some alone time."

"You are amazing." She wrapped her arms around Elliot's neck and kissed his lips. "This is the best Christmas gift I have ever gotten."

"I was hoping you would like it. No kids, no work, just me and my girl on a beautiful tropical beach for an entire week. We deserve this, Olivia. After all of the things we have been through over the last year, especially you. You need a break. A vacation to unwind and relax and soak up paradise."

"But what about this case?"

"My guess is Karah Baker will still be dead when we get back, Olivia."

"I know. I just mean we are so deep into this case right now…"

"No. We are not doing this. In one week, you and I are on a flight out of JFK and Karah Baker and everything about her case stays here. We never take a break. This is our break. No work, at all. No calling to check on the case or thinking about the details, none of that."

"Okay. I just feel bad leaving the case hanging like that."

"Honey, there is no one to disappoint. The stepfather is still in a coma, mother is dead. And anyone else can wait one week for the details. Besides, we still have an entire week before we leave to work on this case."

"I only have a week."

"Only have a week for what?"

"Oh, I only have a week to find a new bikini in New York City in the middle of December."

"Ahh," he said opening the junk drawer across the room and handing her another box. "I might be able to help you out with that."

Inside was a white eyelet lace bikini that she had been looking at earlier in the year and forgotten to get before it was sold out.

"How did you get this?"

"I ordered it online. I remembered you looking at it in the store. When I got the idea I recruited Maureen to help me seek it out. The girl is a shopping wizard, she can find anything and on sale. It was 75% off, because it was out of season. You like it?"

"I love it. Elliot, you are amazing." She kissed him again. "But how did you get my size? I looked on one of you other bikinis. The blue one. I knew you wore it a lot, so I figured you liked the way it fit."

"Until now that one was my favorite. I'm gonna run try it on." She kissed him again and headed down the hallway to the bedroom.

"Wow," Elliot replied moments later when she returned to the living room wearing the bikini. "You look incredible."

"Thank you. I'm so pale. I'm gonna make an appointment to get in and tan this week. You probably should too, so you don't burn once we are there. And we don't want to be too pale."

"Sure, you make the arrangements and I will go with you."

"Elliot, this is the most wonderful surprise I have ever gotten. Thank you so much! I love you." She leaned in and wrapped her arms around his neck again and kissed his lips.

Elliot closed his arms around her and held her for a minute.

"I love you too, baby."

A week later they sat in the airport waiting for their flight to board. Olivia sat leaned against Elliot's chest on a bench as she read a crime novel. Elliot was watching the weather channel on the television across the room.

"Looks like it is going to be nice," he said kissing the top of her head.

"Great," she said with a smile looking up at him.

Finally they boarded their plane and enjoyed their first class accommodations all the way to Maui. Their hotel was one of the most beautiful things Olivia had ever seen and Elliot laughed as she took pictures of it.

She opened the balcony door to look out over the beach and ocean view and they stood together and watched as the sun set into the sea. At night the beach outside their balcony was lit with tiki torches and the island was perfect for a romantic stroll under the moonlight.

Olivia wore a sundress and her golden skin shimmered in the moonlight. She had never looked more beautiful, Elliot thought to himself as he held her tight and they swayed in the warm breeze.

"You were right," she said softly holding her head to his chest. "This is the most wonderful place in the world."

She turned her head to look up at him and he kissed her tenderly. "What do you say we head back to our room and turn in a little early tonight?" Elliot asked her with a wink.

"Baby, you read my mind." She smiled as he locked his fingers in hers and lead her back to their room. Elliot ordered champagne from room service and they relaxed together in the Jacuzzi before making love until they fell asleep together.

When Christmas morning finally rolled around they enjoyed the holiday buffet breakfast in the hotel restaurant then headed for the ferry. Olivia wore her new bikini and a sarong skirt. Her long dark hair was tousled and she had a fuchsia colored Hawaiian flower tucked behind on hear.

When they reached the island of Lana' I, Elliot unloaded their things into the jeep he had rented for the afternoon and they set out to find their own romantic spot of the island. They swam together and explored the beach. Olivia collected seashells to take back and share with the kids.

For dinner they shared a romantic picnic on the beach to the sounds of the ocean. And afterward they strolled the beach hand in hand. As they stood on the beach watching the sunset and waiting for their ferry to return and take them to their island, Olivia turned to look into his eyes.

She smiled a sweet smile and took his hands in hers. Elliot watched her trying to memorize everything about the way she looked right now. So beautiful and free, as the warm wind blew the scent of the ocean through her hair. Behind her, light from the golden sunset danced on her hair and skin making her glow.

"I love you," she said softly.

"I love you too baby," Elliot replied tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as the wind combed through it.

"Marry me," she said softly.

Elliot wasn't sure if he had even heard her right. He stuttered for a moment and stared into her eyes.

"Elliot, you are my best friend. And I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I want to be beside you for the rest of my life. I want you to be my husband and I want to be your wife. I want us to raise your kids as our kids and I was us to have a few together." He watched as a tear rolled down her cheek. "We have fought so hard to be together. Now I am asking you for the promise that we will be forever. I promise you, I will love you and only you for the rest of my life. Elliot Stabler," she said placing her palms against his and locking their fingers together as she raised their hands, "will you marry me?"

Elliot was stunned and could feel the warmth of his own tears as they seemed from his eyes. "Olivia, I would be honored to be your husband. Yes. I will marry you."

He kissed her tenderly and they both laughed through their tears. Elliot held her tight in his arms and stared into her eyes.

"You are not very patient, are you?" He asked with a smile.

"What do you mean? I just was standing here in the most romantic moment of my life. On a beach, barefoot with our feet in the ocean watching the sunset on Christmas Day and I would think of no better time to tell you I want to marry you."

"Neither could I," he said reaching into his shirt pocket and pulling out a small box.

"Oh my God."

"I was waiting for the perfect moment." He stared into her eyes. "But you beat me to it. So now I guess this all seems a little lame." He turned to walk away.

"No, no!" She said grabbing at his arm to keep him from leaving. "It's perfect," she said softly as she stared into his eyes.

"Well, I had it all planned out. I was going to use the sunset and the picnic and the beach and then pull out this little box and say….pretty much exactly what you just said. Then drop to one knee," he said as he lowered himself and took her hand in his. "And say something like, Olivia Benson, will you marry me?"

Elliot opened the box to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.

"Yes," she said through tears. Elliot slipped the ring onto her left hand and raised to hold her tight and kiss her again.

As he held her and danced around with her the ferry returned.

That night while laying in bed as he held her, after making love not to his girlfriend, but his fiancé, Elliot stared into her eyes.

"I still can't believe you proposed to me," he said with a smile.

"I swear I had no idea you were going to do that," she laughed. "But it was perfect, all of it."

"You think so?"

"Yes. And I have been thinking. I want to get married here. Right there, on that beach, in that spot, with all of the kids."

"Sounds good to me. As long as we get our own hotel room. No kids allowed."

Olivia smiled and laughed.

"What about this summer?"

"Sounds perfect," she replied with a smile.

"Help me think of a date and we can go ahead and book the trip when we get back."

She smiled again. "We are finally, really going to do this?"

"Finally. No more lies and sneaking around. No more affair. Just you and me, husband and wife, forever."

"Forever," she echoed. "And if you don't have anything else planned. I would like to start trying to get pregnant, really soon."

"I was thinking like right after the ceremony," Elliot said with a smile as he kissed the top of her head.

"I love you," she said kissing him tenderly.

"I love you." Elliot pressed his forehead to hers and smiled.

Finally, the love of his life was going to be his wife.


	31. 31 Setting The Date

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Thirty One: Setting The Date)_

"June twelfth," Olivia said with a smile drawing a heart in permanent marker around the number on her desk calendar.

"June twelfth, what?" Fin asked looking over at her as he handed her a cup of coffee.

Olivia pressed her lips together and looked up at Elliot who winked at her. Now is as good a time as any she thought as she shifted her eyes back to Fin.

"June twelfth is the day we have chosen to get married," Olivia replied with a smile holding up her left hand and showing off the diamond that now resided there.

"You proposed?" Fin asked looking at Elliot.

"No, no. She did." Elliot said with a smile as Fin waited to see if he was joking. "But I accepted."

Fin laughed. "Olivia proposed?"

"Yes, I did. And it was beautiful."

"It was beautiful," Elliot agreed. "It was perfect and I wouldn't have it any other way."

"I don't get it. If you wanted to marry the girl, why didn't you propose to her?"

"She beat me to it Fin. We were standing on the most beautiful beach on Earth. With the sand between our toes and water at our feet. It was so peaceful and relaxing. The sun was setting on a Hawaiian island on Christmas Day and just as I decided this was the moment, she turned to me and asked me to marry her."

"What did you say?"

"I said yes," Elliot said holding up her hand.

"No, I mean what was your reaction to her proposing to you?"

"I accepted. Then I told her that I had planned to propose to her. I pulled the ring out of my shirt pocket and slipped it on her finger."

"So June twelfth," Munch said, "are you gonna be able to plan a big wedding in less than six months?" He and Fin both looked at Olivia.

"Well," she began, "we have decided against a big wedding. We are going to take the kids to Hawaii and get married right there on our beach in Lana'I. Make it a family thing. I couldn't imagine getting married without the kids there."

"So you're running off to paradise and taking five children, but none of us are invited to witness the nuptials? Fin and I have a wager over whether or not there will be crying."

"This is the most romantic place I have ever been and it will be the biggest day of my life. So yes, I probably will cry," Olivia confessed.

"That is sweet, Liv. But our bet is on Elliot," Munch said.

"Very funny guys," Elliot replied. "The wedding itself is a private ceremony, just the two of us and the children. But when we return there will be a large reception and I expect everyone to be there."

"We wouldn't miss it for anything," Fin replied with a smile. "Congratulations, you two."

"Thanks Fin," Olivia replied with a smile.

Just then Cragen walked out of his office and everyone returned their attention to their work.

"I called Warner," Olivia said looking at Elliot, "there are a few things on these autopsy results that I would like to discuss with her. She said we can come on over to her office and chat, but she has a lot of work to do so she doesn't have time to come here and see us."

"Let's get going," Elliot said standing and slipping on his coat.

Twenty minutes later they stood inside a room talking to Melinda Warner as she performed an autopsy on a man. Olivia pretty much read the discussion. Not only was she the only one of the two of them that had actually gotten the chance to review Warner's autopsy notes, but Elliot was starting to be effected by the autopsy Melinda was performing.

"The marks in her eyes, they were for sure from the fall?" Olivia asked.

"Not at all. A few hours after I had her in the cooler I pulled her out to get started and that was when I saw them."

"Them?" Elliot asked.

"Take a look for yourself," Warner said sliding her decomposing friend back into his refrigerated bunk and changing her gloves. She walked down a few rows and pulled out the body of Karah Baker to show them some marks on her neck.

"You still have her?" Olivia asked.

"No one has claimed the body. I have no one to release her to. So, I have just kept her here. City is coming to pick her up if no one claims her after the Holidays."

"What are we looking at?" Elliot asked.

"Hand prints. Here and here. Line up perfectly with that ring impression you found, Olivia. Hyoid bone was broken."

"She was strangled?" Olivia asked.

"Choked?" Elliot asked.

"She was dead _before _the impact."

"Then she was tossed off that balcony," Olivia thought out loud.

"Maybe the perp choked her as they backed her over the edge," Elliot suggested.

"The angle was wrong. She hit too far out. If she had fallen she would have gown more straight down. The body would have been closer to the building. She was thrust off the balcony to make it look like it was a suicide. Can you life any prints from her skin?" Olivia asked looking up at Warner."

"A few badly smudged ones. Don't think it's enough for a positive identification. But there were prints bruised into her skin. I can tell you that your attacker is most likely female."

"Why do you say that?" Elliot asked.

"The bruising pattern and the angle the hands had to have been to leave the impression on her skin are too close together for most men. This perp had small hands. And was probably a lefty. There was more pressure applied to the right side than the left. I would say, Olivia, that your theory very well could be correct."

"What about the seamen?" Elliot asked.

"Definite sex, but no signs of rape."

"So she wasn't raped but had sex and was possibly murdered by another girl. What would make a girl mad enough to kill her friend?"

"A guy," Olivia answered. "We have to go back and talk to her friends."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Elliot replied as he followed her from the room.

_**(Sorry this was so short. I'll try to get another update up soon.)**_


	32. 32 Crime Of Passion

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Thirty Two: Crime Of Passion)_

"Warner called me about the Baker autopsy," Olivia said slipping off her high heeled shoe as she walked in to Elliot's apartment.

"What did she have to say about it? I thought she already told us everything."

"Karah Baker was pregnant. Only a few weeks, so it was very hard to tell until she did a thorough examine. She is working on a DNA work up for the fetus now."

"You don't think it was the boyfriend's kid?"

"I don't know. But it doesn't hurt to check. If the baby wasn't his that gives him perfect motive for killing her."

"He would know she was cheating on him. But Warner said that the handprints on Karah's neck came from a woman."

"I'm just saying it is worth looking in to."

Elliot smiled and nodded in agreement as he sat two plates of pasta on the table in front of them. He lit two candles and poured a couple of glasses of wine.

"This is amazing," Olivia said taking a bite of the shrimp pasta and alfredo sauce.

"Glad you like it."

"I don't think you have cooked anything I didn't like. You are a really good cook."

"I booked the Hawaii tickets today."

"You did?" She asked with a smile.

"Well the flight tickets anyway. I figured I would wait to book the hotel until you and I could sit down with you and look over resorts. We're probably looking at three rooms."

"Three?"

"I thought we'd get two of those joined rooms for the kids. Maureen and Kathleen can keep everything under control there and you and I can get a room down the hall or something. So we have a little privacy on our wedding night."

Olivia smiled. "It may be the only time we get privacy when the kids are around."

"Possibly," Elliot laughed. "You think you can get used to being a mother of five children?"

"I am sure I can handle it."

"I know you can. I have faith in you."

* * *

"DNA results are back," Olivia announced as Elliot poured himself another cup of coffee.

He watched as she carried the papers Warner faxed her to her desk and took a seat.

"And?"

"The DNA from the seamen sample matches the baby's DNA."

"So, Karah had sex with the father of her child just before she died."

"Right. But it did not match the boyfriend's DNA."

"He wasn't the baby's father."

"Nope."

"We'd better bring him in and talk to him again."

Later that afternoon Olivia hung up the phone as Elliot walked back in from court.

"That was Dr. Warner."

"She has information on the case?"

"Yeah," Olivia said standing and slipping on her coat, "she knows who the father of Karah's baby is."

* * *

"Are you sure this is right?" Elliot asked looking at the paternity results of Karah's baby.

"I ran the baby's in the system. Crazy idea I guess, but I figured if the father had ever been collared it might work."

"You got a hit?" Olivia asked.

"I did," she replied pointing to the paper in Elliot's hand.

"The DNA is a perfect match to Blake Myers," Elliot pointed out.

"The parking garage attendant from the Massey attacks? I thought he was in jail?"

"No," Elliot pointed out, "they only held him for the trial. There wasn't enough evidence to put him away for the murder."

"They had the witness testimonies. Those kids walked in on it."

"There were no prints. Karah was the only one of them who saw the man's face. And she admitted later that she had recognized him in the line up and that was why she picked him."

"So she has an affair with him and ends up pregnant. What if they were in on it together?"

"The attacks?"

"Yes. What if Karah got him to go along with killing her parents. She would stand to inherit a small fortune. But the Douglas Massey doesn't die. So they are waiting it out for the money. Maybe trying to come up with another plan to get rid of him. They end up in a romantic relationship. But if she were to break it off with the boyfriend it would draw attention. But someone found out their little secret."

"Liv we pulled the boyfriend in and questioned him again. Not only does he say that he didn't know she was seeing someone else, but he knew nothing about the baby."

"Maybe he lied."

"The look on his face when we mentioned the baby, it was pretty convincing."

"If it wasn't him then who?"

"There is still someone missing from the equation," Warner pointed out. "The woman who strangled Karah Baker."

"Lets pick up Blake Myers and bring him for questioning," Olivia suggested.

* * *

Elliot banged his palm against the apartment door of apartment 7C. The place was not near a nice as the high rise apartment Karah Baker was living in.

"This is starting to seem like a big waste of time," Olivia remarked as she leaned up against the wall in the hallway. "He is not home, Elliot."

"The super said he was here an hour ago."

She looked up at Elliot and leaned her ear against the wall. "Elliot listen."

He leaned against the wall to listed to the muffled sounds of a television coming from inside the apartment.

"Somebody is at home," he said banging on the door again.

Olivia laughed. "Yeah, they're home. But it sounds like they are busy."

Elliot pressed his ear to the wall again to hear sounds that clearly indicated someone inside the apartment was having sex.

"Does she sound like she is in distress to you?" Olivia asked.

"We'd better get in there and help her," Elliot replied just before he kicked open the apartment door and they rushed inside with their weapons drawn.

"Don't worry ma'am we are here to help you," Olivia announced as Elliot pulled Blake off the woman in the bed.

"What the Hell?" She shouted as she sat up and wrapped the blanket around herself. "He isn't hurting me!"

"Someone in the building reported hearing a woman in distress. No one answered the door when we knocked so we had to come inside to make sure you were alright," Elliot said as he tossed Blake Myers a tee shirt. "We can go down town and have you sign a few forms and answer a few questions, we'll have this cleared up in no time."

An hour later Blake and his girlfriend sat in two different interrogation rooms answering questions. Olivia sat at a table across from Megan Turner asking her questions about her relationship with Blake.

"How long have you and Blake been together?"

"Just over three years. He was my high school sweetheart."

"You went to the same school?"

"Oh, no. My father owns the building where he has worked for the last few years."

"Blake comes from virtually no money. That must have really pissed daddy off."

"No. My parents think that Blake's parents are wealthy and Blake just works in the garage for something to do after school. It was the only way, they would never understand."

"So you lied to make them think he was from a good family?"

"Yes. I love Blake. We're getting married next summer."

"Oh, congratulations. That is a very impressive ring. What is that about a three karat princess cut?"

"Three and a half."

"Pricey, for a guy who makes minimum wage parking cars for a living."

"Blake wanted to buy me the ring. He only had half of the money saved up. I put the rest on my credit card. But it came from his heart. He was my first love. We have known each other since we were kids."

"That sounds very romantic."

"He is. He is an amazing guy."

"Do you know this woman?" Olivia asked placing a photo of Karah Baker in front of Megan.

"No, I don't recognize her."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I don't know her."

"Well her name is Karah Baker and the two of you have gone to the same school all of your life. Are you sure you weren't friends?"

"A lot of girls go to my school detective. I cannot possibly be friends with them all."

"Well you were friendly with Karah. Because I found this picture of the two of you together in her eighth grade year book."

"It was a club for school. They paired us up for the car wash. It was for charity. But I didn't know her."

"I must have gotten confused by the message you wrote in her yearbook. You signed best friends forever."

Megan folded her arms in front of her and stood to pace the floor.

"Why lie about it Megan?"

"Because we have not spoken in years. We had a big fight freshman year and we have not spoken since."

"Did your fight have anything to do with Karah dating your boyfriend?"

"No."

"What was it about?"

"Not that it is any of your business, but it was about me dating her ex boyfriend."

"Blake?"

"Yes. The dated for a couple of months before I started dating him. She couldn't handle the fact that he was in love with me."

"Has he dated Karah since then?"

"No, he and I have been together all this time."

"Then can you explain to me how Karah got pregnant with Blake's baby?"

"That's a lie!"

"No, it isn't." Olivia dropped the results of the paternity test on the desk in front of Megan.

"That bitch!"

"I understand you're upset. But he was involved also. Do you want to tell me what happened in Karah's apartment the night she died?"

"How would I know? I have not talked to her in years!"

"For your sake Megan, I hope you are right. Because we were able to pull finger prints from Karah's body. Off her neck from the woman who strangled her. Now the lab is running those prints against yours, the results will be back soon and I will know for sure. This would go a lot better for you if you would just tell me what happened that night."

Megan stared at Olivia with tears in her eyes.

"Maybe you should call your lawyer," Olivia suggested.

"No. I don't want a lawyer. I just want this mess to be over. Karah told Blake she was pregnant. But Blake said the baby wasn't his and I believed him. But she was running her mouth around town about him. I just wanted to talk to her about it. But when I got to her apartment he was already there. He was putting his clothes back on. We argued. She started yelling and saying she was going to say he raped her. She said something about him not being able to finish the job." By now Megan was crying.

"Then she turned to me and said that he didn't love me. That he had been seeping with her the entire time we were together. But I know it wasn't true. She told me that she paid him to kill her parents and that is how he got the money for my ring. Then she started saying bad things about him and saying how stupid I was for not realizing what was going on right under my nose the entire time. I just snapped. I didn't mean to hurt her. I just wanted her to stop talking. To stop saying those horrible things. So I grabbed her around the neck and I squeezed. I walked with her out to the balcony. I was yelling at her. I was so mad, I just snapped. The next thing I knew she stopped fighting me. I let go of her and she just fell over."

"She was dead?"

"Yes. But I didn't mean to kill her."

"What happened after that?"

"We panicked. Blake got the idea to make it look like a suicide. He picked Karah up and threw her off the balcony."

Olivia stood up from the table and began to read Megan her rights. Olivia placed her in handcuffs and walked her out to a uniformed officer who took her to booking. She walked back to talk to Fin and Elliot who moved quickly in and placed Blake under arrest as well.


	33. 33 United

_**In Too Deep**_

_**(Chapter Thirty Three: United)**_

"**Baby do you know where those shorts I bought are?" Elliot called to Olivia from the other room.**

"**Nope," she said stepping back into the bedroom with a tooth brush hanging out of her mouth. "You are just now packing?"**

"**Well, we don't leave until tomorrow."**

"**Yeah, our flight leaves first thing in the morning. We have to be at the airport at five."**

"**Relax. It only takes me a few minutes to pack. Unlike some people, I do not feel the need to drag my entire closet along on the flight."**

**Olivia stared at him for a moment and blinked her big brown eyes at him. "Precisely why I did my packing in advance, to allow plenty of time. I don't want to forget anything we might need while we're there."**

"**Here they are," Elliot announced pulling the floral Bermuda shorts from the top shelf of the closet where Olivia had hid them. "I wonder how they got way up there."**

"**Oh, El. Those shorts are hideous! Please don't take them on our honeymoon." **

"**You don't like them?"**

**She folded her arms in front of her and shook her head. "They are awful."**

"**They make my butt look good," he said as she laughed. "And they go with my muscle shirts."**

"**I just bought you shorts to go with your tank tops."**

"**Olivia, men wear muscle shirts. Tank tops are for women."**

**She smiled. "It is the same thing."**

"**No, it isn't."**

"**Yes, it is," she laughed.**

"**No, baby. Really, it is not the same thing."**

"**Elliot, what is this?" She picked up one of his shirts from the bed.**

"**My muscle shirt."**

"**Yes, and this?" She asked unfolding one of her shirts beside it.**

"**Your tank top."**

"**They are exactly the same. Case and point. They are the same thing."**

"**No. They are not the same."**

"**Oh, you're right. Mine is pink and smaller. That is the only difference."**

"**Face it Liv, you're not going to win this one."**

"**It isn't about winning, El. It is about being right. And I am right. My tank top and your muscle shirt are exactly the same thing."**

**Elliot laughed. "You're so cute," he said kissing her tenderly as She smiled at him. "And I love you so much. But you are still wrong," he said picking his shirt up from the bed and tossing it into the top of his suitcase.**

"**Okay, I give up!" She watched as a large grin crossed his face.**

**Olivia reached into the suitcase and picked up the shirt. "Elliot what is this?"**

"**A muscle shirt," he insisted.**

**Olivia cocked her head, two could play this game. She pulled her tee shirt over her head and unclasped her bra tossing them across the room. Elliot watched not sure where this was going but liking the fact that it required her to be completely topless to get there.**

**She slipped on the shirt and placed her hands on her hips as she stared up at him.**

"**Now it's a tank top," he said with a nod.**

**Olivia attempted to hold a straight face to display her frustration, but Elliot started to laugh and she cracked a smile.**

"**You are impossible," she said as he kissed her and threw her back on the bed pushing his suitcase off into the floor.**

**Elliot crawled in over the top of her and kissed her playfully.**

"**And you are beautiful."**

"**I'm also right," she pointed out as she stared up at him. "You will argue about anything, won't you?"**

"**No." Elliot laughed as he shook his head and smiled. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I start the arguments, just so that we can have the amazing make up sex?" **

**Olivia laughed as he slipped off her shorts and black lacy panties, leaving her only in the shirt. He kissed her tenderly and they made love.**

**Afterward as they laid in bed holding each other Elliot kissed the top of her head. **

"**Hard to believe, isn't it?"**

"**What's that?"**

"**That was our last time having single sex. The next time we make love it will be our first time as husband and wife. And by this time the day after tomorrow, we will be married."**

"**On a beach in Hawaii and married," she added. "I can't wait."**

"**Really?"**

"**Yeah. Elliot I have waited my entire life to be your wife. And in two days that dream comes true."**

"**I love you baby."**

"**I love you, too. What time do we get the kids?"**

"**I told them we'd be there at four to pick them up. Kathy said she will make sure everyone is up and ready to go. I figured that will give us a little time to swing by somewhere and pick up some breakfast before the flight."**

"**How are we going to keep them busy on the plane?"**

"**Well, they have in-flight movies and stuff. I told Kathy to pack some travel games and coloring books to occupy Eli. We'll fly from here to Los Angeles, that is about a six hour flight. Then we have a two hour lay over and a five hour flight from L.A. to Hawaii. We will get there just in time to check into our rooms and get some dinner and some rest. I figure by then we will all be exhausted. The next day we will spend sight seeing and showing the kids our island. Then at sunset we have the wedding on the beach. I already have it all arranged."**

"**Then a week long honeymoon and family vacation in paradise. It sounds so perfect. I really am the luckiest girl in the world."**

"**Now that is something we can agree on," Elliot smiled and kissed her as she settled in against him for the night.**

* * *

_**Two Days Later….**_

Elliot stood across from Olivia watching as the salty sea air blew through her hair. She wore a knee length white chiffon dress with spaghetti straps and little silver flowers beaded onto it. Her hair was down and flowing and one side was swept up and pinned in place with a brightly colored pink and white Hawaiian flower.

The girl's dresses were very similar to Olivia's, but didn't have the beading. They all wore their hair pulled neatly back and carried bouquets that matched the bride's. Each of them wore a small diamond butterfly pendant, that Olivia had picked out for them for being in the wedding. Elliot and the boys wore khaki colored Bermuda shorts and white shirts.

Elliot held her hand and stared deep into her eyes the entire time the minister spoke. The man told a tale of a Hawaiian prince who thought he had lost the love of his life. In his sorrow he threw himself into a volcano sacrificing himself in the name of true love. But when his love awoke to learn of his death, she was heartbroken and mourned herself to death because she missed him so much.

The volcano became angry and the villagers held a ceremony carrying the body of the young girl to the top and giving her to the volcano so that she may be with her true love forever. Their reunion in the heavens pleased the volcano and it never erupted again. This famous volcano became known as _Ipo Pohaku _or _Lover's Rock. _This spot on the island sat at the base of the volcano.

Elliot leaned forward and kissed Olivia tenderly, closing their little private ceremony. They stared at each other for another moment as they both smiled.

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Stabler," the man said as he shook Elliot's hand.

And that was it. That was how the most important day of their lives took place. The day that united seven people forever and made them a family.

**{ There it is. Short and sweet, but it said everything I wanted to say. Hope you enjoyed it. I'll try to write a longer update the next time. ;o)** **} **


	34. 34 Getaway

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Thirty Four: Getaway)_

_**ABOUT ONE YEAR LATER….**_

Olivia packed her suitcase for her second trip to Hawaii. In two days she and Elliot would be celebrating their one year wedding anniversary and he had surprised her with a second romantic getaway for their anniversary. This time, no children were allowed.

She smiled as she tossed her tiny black bikini into the suitcase, next to the bag of new lingerie she had purchased just for this trip. As she moved to the dresser to gather more of her things she smiled at the photograph beside the mirror. She picked it up and studied if for a few moments remembering back to when it was taken.

It was a picture from their wedding on the beach in Hawaii. Elliot had his arms wrapped tight around her and they looked so in love. Standing around them were all five Stabler children and together they made a picture perfect family.

"You are packing already?" Elliot asked from behind her.

"You haven't started yet?" She asked more than a little worried. "Our flight is tomorrow afternoon."

"I'm kidding, babe. I'm all packed up and ready to go. And no, I didn't take those shorts you hate."

"I don't hate them. I just don't like them. They are tacky."

"Well, I didn't pack them," he insisted kissing her tenderly. "What's this?" he asked picking up the Frederick's Of Hollywood bag from her suitcase.

"No, no, no," she replied pulling it from his fingers. "No peeking. It is for the trip."

"It? As in a sexy little black lacy _it_?"

"Possibly," she laughed as she put the bag back into the suitcase.

"I love little black lacy things. Especially on you. Tiny and nearly invisible. And the ones that look like a big piece of electric tape all stretched around this amazing body."

Olivia laughed again.

"Well, it isn't electric tape. And _it _has a few friends."

"You got more than one?"

"We are going to be gone for seven days. I thought we could use a few things to spice up our Hawaiian nights."

"I love the way you think."

"But no electric tape."

"None of them are like that?"

"No. I will never buy lingerie like that again."

"Why? I liked it. I really liked it."

"Well, for starters it took me about an hour to get into and took you twenty seconds to tear through. I paid sixty five dollars for that….whatever it was. And it was itchy and uncomfortable and shredded in moments."

"It was hot. But I love the lacy ones."

"Good, because that is what I got. I just hope they don't dig through them at the airport."

Elliot laughed.

"You think it is so funny, let them sift through your underwear."

"I am sure it will be fine. You are not the first woman in the world to fly to Hawaii with lingerie in her suitcase. And if anyone gives you trouble about it, I will arrest them. Any woman would understand why you had it and any man would be wishing he could see you in it. Either way, I doubt they confiscate your lingerie."

"It would be my luck. I just want us to have an amazing and romantic trip."

"We will baby, I promise. Seven whole days and six sexy nights in Hawaii. Laying around on the beach and making love whenever we want. No work, no stress and no kids. This trip will be incredible."

"It sounds like it. I'd better finish packing. And you go back in the other room. There are a few things I want to save for our actual anniversary and I don't want you to see them before hand."

"I think you are going to love what I got you. It took me the entire year to think up the perfect gift, but I finally got it."

"I thought the trip was my gift?"

"One of them. But I have more planned. You just have to wait for it."

"Ahh, well I have a few things planned myself."

"Sounds like we're going to have an interesting trip."

Olivia kissed him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too, Angel. I'm going to go see if I can catch the end of the game so you can finish packing."

"Okay."

She watched as he walked out of the room returning to his recliner in the living room. She moved into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet to pull out her toothbrush and make up bag. As she stood there she picked up the little purple compact and opened it to look at the disc of pills inside. She counted the now seven pills she had missed then closed the compact and tossed it into the trash can under the sink. Closing the cabinet, she grabbed her things and moved back to the bedroom to put them in her suitcase.

* * *

_**TWO DAYS LATER….**_

Olivia rushed around the room to get it ready before Elliot returned from his walk. She wanted to set up something romantic for dinner so she talked him into taking a walk around the resort and he was due back any moment now.

She leaned over the beautifully set table and lit the last of the candles as a warm breeze blew through her hair. Elliot opened the door and closed his eyes as he stuck his head inside.

"It is safe to come in?" He asked before entering.

"Not yet," she said as she rushed to greet him. "I am almost ready." Olivia took him by the hand and lead him into the bathroom. "Wait here for just a minute. I will tell you when."

"Okay," he laughed as she stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her.

Elliot could smell her sexy sweet perfume in the air and could only imagine what she was up to. But he was sure it involved a romantic dinner with his wife and more than likely sexy lingerie an amazing sex, so he was more than willing to wait for this perfect night.

He stood up and checked hi reflection in the mirror. He smiled when he noticed her make up scattered across the counter and the lid off the perfume bottle. He picked the bottle up and smelled it. This stuff smelled incredible and that scent alone was enough aphrodisiac to make him want to ravish his wife for hours. But Olivia always trailed it up one of her long tanned legs, across her flat stomach and between her perfect breasts, ending at that place just behind her left ear. Now Elliot was left standing here hot and ready to go with the most incredible fantasies of his gorgeous wife controlling his brain and _other_ parts of his body.

"Not yet. Control yourself man," he said as he stared into the mirror.

He placed the lid back on the perfume bottle and dropped her cosmetics one by one back into the bag.

"She has tried so hard to make this a romantic evening. Jumping her bones the moment you see her isn't going to be romantic. Think romantic. Slow, sexy, sweet, romance," he coached himself as he took a deep breath trying to come back down from his high. "Tonight you romance her, dinner and wine. A little slow dancing and holding her close. Make love to her. Slowly and incredibly for hours."

"El?" she asked as she opened the door. "Did you say something?"

"Oh, I just noticed you wore the perfume I got you for your birthday."

"I did. I thought it was your favorite?"

"It is baby. It gets me excited all thinking sexy thoughts of you."

"As long as they are of me."

"Only you, angel."

Elliot kissed her tenderly.

"You can come out now," she said with a smile as she locked her fingers in his and lead him toward the rest of the suite.

"Liv, it all looks the same. I thought you were setting something up?"

"I was. It is out here," she said bring him out onto the balcony.

"Wow," Elliot said looking out at their night time ocean view. "This is beautiful, baby."

He looked around him in amazement. The place was beautiful anyway, but she had really gone out of her way to set up a romantic dinner for two. On each corner of the balcony burned a torch and the smells of her perfume and the salty sea air blended perfectly.

In the center of the balcony was a perfectly set table for two including candles. Soft music played and it was like this little place in the world had been made just for them. Red rose petals were scattered across the table and around the balcony and Olivia wore a sexy black dress with thin spaghetti straps. Her hair was twisted and pinned perfectly into place and Elliot had never seen a more beautiful creature in his entire life. There was no doubt in his mind he was the luckiest man in the world.

"Damn baby."

"What? Don't you think it is nice?"

"It is beautiful. But you sure make it hard for me to be the spontaneous romantic husband. How in the world am I ever going to top this?"

Olivia smiled.

"You don't have to top it, El." She wrapped her arms tight around him and stared into his eyes. "Just the fact that you do things like this, little romantic surprises for me, is enough for me to know that I married the most wonderful man in the world. You are always doing wonderful things for me. This time, I wanted to do something for you. For, us. Happy anniversary."

"Thank you sweetheart. And happy anniversary to you," he said kissing her.

"Let's eat. There is more, but I am saving it for later."

"Oh you are, huh?"

"Yes, I am. And I think you are going to be excited."

"Oh baby, I know I am."

"El, it isn't all about sex."

She laughed and sat him down in his seat as she pulled the cover back from his plate of food. Elliot poured them both a glass of wine and they enjoyed a romantic dinner under the stars above.

"My turn," he said as Olivia took a small sip of wine from her glass.

He laid his napkin on the table beside his plate and disappeared into the room for a moment.

"I put a lot of thought into this. Not exactly romantic, but I think it is something you are really going to like," he said handing her a small jewelry box.

Olivia smiled as she untied the ribbon and took the lid from the box.

"It is beautiful, Elliot." It was a silver pendant, two blue dolphins curved together to form a heart. And it was stunning. "Dolphins?"

"Yeah, we're in Hawaii. That is blue opal, I thought it was really pretty."

"I love it, thank you."

"That's only half of it."

Olivia raised her eyes from the sparkling object in her hand to stare into his eyes.

"I wanted this trip to be something we would never forget. It is our first anniversary, one year ago today we were married on that beach right down there. I want us to make some amazing memories while we are here. Memories we will take back home with us and always remember our trip to Hawaii." Elliot reached forward and laid a card on the table in front of her.

Olivia smiled and opened the card, she read over the words as she pulled a brochure out.

"Dolphins?" she asked again looking up at him.

"Yeah. It is a charter boat and they take you to this place on the other side of the island and let you swim with dolphins. They say is a very peaceful and magical experience. I thought maybe it was something you would like to try. Maybe it is just silly."

"No. I would love to."

"Really? I was hoping you would like the idea, but I wasn't sure."

"Yes, it sounds like fun. And romantic."

"I got you something, but it is nothing like this."

"I am sure I will love whatever it is."

Olivia pressed her lips together nervously and handed him a gift box. She watched as Elliot opened the package.

"It is just a watch and some cuff links. And a shirt and tie."

"I love them. This is a nice watch."

"You really like it?"

"I do."

"There is an inscription," she pointed out as she turned the watch over.

"_To my wonderful husband, thank you for making all of my dreams come true. My love always, Olivia Dawn Stabler," _he read aloud as a smile crossed his face. "Thank you honey. This is the sweetest gift anyone has ever given me. I will never take it off."

Olivia smiled as Elliot pulled her into his arms. She laid her head against his chest as they swayed slowly to the music.

"There is something else," she whispered softly between kisses as he backed her toward the bed.

"Another gift?" he asked smiling seductively as he laid her back against the bed.

"You could say that."

"Is it under here?" Elliot asked pushing her skirt up to slip off her lacy panties as Olivia giggled and closed her eyes.

Elliot laid beside her on the bed kissing her slowly and passionately as he moved one hand under her skirt. She moaned and arched her back up on the bed as he slipped two fingers inside of her.

She opened her eyes to stare into his as she pulled his mouth to hers. Just as things began to heat up Elliot pulled back to look down.

"Liv, there's blood."

"What?" she asked in panic as she sat up from the bed and picked up the lace panties from the bed beside her. "Oh, my God," she said jumping from the bed and rushing into the bathroom slamming the door shut behind her.

Elliot stood up and walked across the room to wash off his hands. He sat on the edge of the bed for a moment trying to think of something to say to her. He knew she had to be humiliated and he felt horrible about it.

"Liv," he said softly as he tapped against the bathroom door. "Baby, come out." He stood there for a moment and thought he could hear her crying on the other side of the door.

"Honey, don't cry. Olivia, just open the door and let me talk to you."

He stood there another moment, but the door didn't open. Elliot sat down on the edge of the bed to try and talk her out of the bathroom.

"It is no big deal. So you got your period. We can just save the sex for another night. We can still have a great time and there are other things we can do. Baby, please come out."

He looked up as the door opened and she was dressed in the blue jeans and tee shirt she had worn earlier.

"It is a big deal, Elliot. I am spotting. It isn't my period. I'm pregnant. I was trying to tell you and we got all wrapped up in sex and….now I think I might be losing the baby."

"I'll call the front desk, they have to have a hospital here somewhere. We will get you in to a doctor and I am sure everything is going to be just fine."

An hour later Elliot sat beside his wife's hospital bed holding her hand.

"El, I am so sorry you had to find out this way. I had this plan and it was going to be all romantic and I was waiting for the perfect moment."

"Hey, we're gonna have a baby. That is amazing news no matter how I find out," he said kissing her forehead.

"If I don't miscarry."

"The doctor said they are not sure yet. They just want to wait a little while and see. Until then, I will sit right here and watch that heartbeat on the monitor and pray. We wont give up. This is our baby, Olivia. This kid is a fighter."

"God, I hope you're right. Neither of us thought we would be spending the night of our one year anniversary in the hospital. At least we're together."

"Try to relax, honey," Elliot said kissing her tenderly. "Get some rest. Worrying puts too much stress on you and the baby. Sleep, angel. I will be right here beside you. I love you, baby."

"I love you too El," she sighed as she closed her eyes and tried to sleep.


	35. 35 Bed Rest

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Thirty Five: Bed Rest)_

Fourteen hours later Elliot escorted his wife down the hall from the elevator. He unlocked the door and turned on the light in their room.

"I am so hungry," Olivia said picking up the room service menu from the top of the television. "And I have to pee."

"You are supposed to get right into bed. You heard the doctor. Strict bed rest for the next three days."

"I heard him, El. But I still have to pee."

"I know baby, I just want to make sure we do everything we can to keep this kid in there for at least another seven and a half months."

"So do I," she said kissing him tenderly as she made her way toward the bathroom. "But he also said that it isn't likely that I will carry full term. Something to do with scarring or something from where I miscarried before," she said as she walked back into the room and unbuttoned her jeans.

"We will gladly take every day we can get. We are going to give this kid every chance we can. Even if that means me waiting on you hand and foot for the rest of the pregnancy while you are on bed rest."

"So much for our romantic vacation," she said climbing into the bed as Elliot slipped in beside her.

"That doctor said three days of bed rest and then take it easy for a little while. He also said that after that as long as you are not spotting or cramping and it isn't uncomfortable for you, that making love was fine. So we will just lounge around here for the next few days and take it easy. Room service and pay per view movies while we lay around in bed, now that is vacation."

Olivia smiled as he picked up the remote control and offered it to her.

"Not now baby, I am exhausted."

"You want me to order something for you to eat?"

"I have a box of crackers on the table if I need them. I think right now I just need to get some sleep. I think we both do," she said snuggling in against him as Elliot turned off the lamp beside the bed.

"I love you, Angel," he whispered as he gently kissed her cheek.

"I love you too, baby."

For the next three days Elliot stayed by her side only allowing her to leave the bed to shower and use the bathroom. He ordered her breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed and let her have complete control of the remote. He held her tight when they slept and prayed to God that their baby would be born strong and healthy.

Elliot opened his eyes in the early morning light. It was a warm Hawaiian summer day and Olivia had gotten up to sit out on the balcony and watch the sun rise over the ocean.

"Hey you," Elliot said stepping between the sheer curtains blowing in the breeze.

"Hey."

"I missed it. You could have woke me and I would have watched the sunrise with you."

"I know baby, but you didn't get much sleep last night. I thought I would just let you rest."

Elliot kissed her tenderly and sat down in a chair beside her to look out at the view.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine. No cramps and no bleeding. I'm okay. We're okay," she said softly as she smoothed her hands over the place where her baby belly would hopefully, soon appear.

"Are you hungry? I could order us some breakfast and we could eat right here.

"Not that I am complaining, because I'm not. But I thought we could actually go down for breakfast today. I have been cooped up in this room for the last three days. We both have and we have had breakfast at this table every one of those days. I am dying to get out of here and actually start enjoying our vacation."

"Hey, I let you cheat a little. He said in bed for three days, not close to the bed. You probably shouldn't have even been out here to eat."

"I know. And our one romantic walk on the beach was incredible. But the baby and I are fine now. I have had absolutely no problems for three whole days. I just want to go out and do something. Even if we stick close to the hotel today. I just need to get out of this room."

"Alright," he said kissing her tenderly. "But you tell me if you have the slightest bit of discomfort or get tired or anything feels strange and…"

"And I am right back in bed. I promise. We still have to go swim with dolphins before we have to leave in a few days."

"The dolphins can wait another day or two. I think you should ease back into things. Lets go down for breakfast and then we can figure out what we want to do today."

"Okay. I'm going to run take a quick shower. Give me half an hour?"

"Yes, ma'am."

As annoying as it was that he was being so insistent on her taking things easy, it was also very comforting that he was so protective of his wife and unborn baby. She hugged him tight and kissed him once more then headed for the bathroom.

At breakfast Elliot fixed himself a huge pile of scrambled eggs with ham and bacon while Olivia favored the fresh fruit from the buffet tables. She sat down with a plate of cantaloupe and honeydew melon with pineapple chunks and fresh strawberries and blue berries.

"Is that all you are eating?"

"Of course not I also ordered some yogurt. I need the calcium," she said with a smile.

"You need protein," Elliot said in his best fatherly voice as he placed a large ham steak on a plate and slid it her way.

Olivia laughed.

"Yes, daddy."

"Hey, you're eating for two now. I want to make sure this kid gets everything he needs. We want a big healthy baby."

"He?" she asked with a smile.

"Or she. Mommy and baby are my number one priorities now. I'm probably going to drive you crazy being before this kid is born, but it is my job to make sure you guys are well taken care of."

"It will take a little getting used to, I'm sure. But I know that everything you are doing is out of love. And I think it is sweet that you are so protective."

"You do?"

"Yes, I do."

Olivia leaned across the table and kissed him tenderly then fed him a chunk of pineapple.

"Umm, that's good," Elliot mumbled just before she kissed him again.

"I have something even better," she whispered pressing her fingertip teasingly against his lips as she kissed him again.

"I thought you wanted to get out of the room for a while?"

"I do," she laughed. "But I'm thinking maybe we could turn in a little early tonight and finish what we started the other night."

"Brains and beauty," he said as he kissed her again. "Now I remember why I married you."

Olivia laughed.

"I don't think it had anything to do with the brains," she said with a smile as she popped a blueberry into her mouth and laughed again.

"I love you," Elliot said cupping his hand against the side of her face and pulling her closer for another kiss.

"And I love you," she whispered softly and it were as if they were the only two people in the world.

"So what would you like to do today, my love?"

"Well, since the dolphin thing is postponed for a few more days…."

"We could spend the day at the beach and enjoy the water and the sunshine. Later we can go back to the room and take advantage of that Jacuzzi tub."

Olivia giggled.

"Dirty," she said pointing at him.

"Precisely why you should make sure I spend an extra long time in that tub."

"Oh, I will do everything I can to keep you in there a very long time," she said dropping her napkin on the table and sitting on his lap.

"Umm, maybe we should skip the beach."

"No, El. I really want to do something today. Something fun."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"One of the brochures in the room said something about snorkeling around the area."

"That sounds neat. I was thinking maybe we could do the thing where you hike up and look at the volcanoes. And they have cliff diving."

"You are so not cliff diving."

"Aww, where is your sense of adventure?" She tipped her head and stared into his eyes. "Maybe next year….after the baby."

"That's better."

"El, I would never really do that while I was pregnant. I wouldn't risk this baby."

"I know that."

"Good. Lets go snorkeling and spend the day at the beach and the night making love in the Jacuzzi," she whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Sounds good."

Olivia smiled and rubbed the tip of her nose against his.

"You are the best husband in the world."

"I have an ex-wife who would argue that, but thanks baby. I have an amazing wife and I love to see her smile."

"To…. A hundred years of smiles and happy healthy babies," Olivia said raising her glass of orange juice to his in a toast.

"I'll drink to that," Elliot replied kissing his wife.


	36. 36 An Unexpected Miracle

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Thirty Six: An Unexpected Miracle)_

Olivia sat on the edge of the with one hand under her belly as she organized pictures from their latest trip to Hawaii in a photo album. Although the night of their first wedding anniversary had been really scary and ended in a one night hospital stay and three days of bed rest, Elliot managed to make a remarkable time out of the rest of their trip. He went out of his way to plan exiting and romantic things for them to do together, like swimming with the dolphins and romantic dinners on the beach lit by tiki torch.

Elliot was such an amazing husband and father and in a few more weeks he would be a father again. Olivia smiled as her stomach growled loudly.

"Okay buddy," she said softly smoothing her hand over the place where her son kicked inside of her, "mommy hears you."

She stood and walked into the kitchen noticing Elliot kicked back in his recliner watching a game on television.

"Are you hungry, babe?" she asked as she opened the refrigerator door and studied the shelves of food.

"Liv, we just had dinner with the kids after church like two hours ago."

"I know," she laughed. "But your son insists it is time to eat again. And if I don't eat when I get hungry, I get sick."

"Well then," Elliot said laying the remote control on the coffee table and standing to make his way into the kitchen with her. "Why don't you have a seat and let daddy make something to feed that baby?"

"Sounds good to me," Olivia replied with a smile.

"What do you want? A sandwich?"

"Yes, please."

"Alright we have smoked turkey, bologna and roast beef."

"Umm, turkey and roast beef."

Elliot looked over his shoulder at her and smiled.

"What my baby wants, my baby gets," he said as he sat the deli lunch meat and cheese on the counter in front of her. "Mayo?"

"Miracle Whip. I don't like mayo and it _isn't _the same thing," she said heading off the discussion they often had about this exact topic.

"Miracle Whip it is. Lettuce and tomato?"

"Yes, please."

She watched as Elliot pulled out a hoagie roll and sliced it. He spread the Miracle Whip thinly over both sides and laid out the lunch meat. He angled slices of cheddar cheese across the meat, then added lettuce and tomato slices.

"Salt and pepper on the tomato," he said remembering the way she liked her sandwich. "There," he said carefully placing the top half of the roll onto his masterpiece.

Olivia reached for the plate.

"Not yet," Elliot replied sliding the plate back to his side of the counter. "Let's see….we need some cottage cheese for extra calcium and a pickle," he said laying a dill pickle spear on the side of the plate.

"Two pickles," Olivia said pointing to the plate.

"Two pickles," Elliot agreed laying another spear beside the first one and closing the lid on the jar. "And that, son, is how you make a sandwich," he said patting the top of her belly as he handed her the plate.

Elliot watched carefully as Olivia picked up the sandwich and took a bite.

"Good?"

"Umm, hmmm," she mumbled as she smiled at him.

"I love you so much," Elliot said kissing her forehead across the counter as he poured her a glass of juice to go with her sandwich.

"I love you, too. And I cannot believe that I eat like nonstop all of the time."

"You're pregnant. And when that baby needs something, he is going to tell you."

"I'm hungry all of the time and I am the size of a house."

"Liv, you are supposed to gain weight when you get further along."

"I am only thirty three weeks and I have gained twenty eight pounds."

"Look, if you feel uncomfortable with your weight and want to work out a _healthy_ diet for _after_ the baby is born, that is fine with me. But your doctor says your weight is fine and I think you look beautiful. You will probably lose most of this when the baby is born anyway. Some women lose a lot of weight during delivery."

"Well, the book I am reading said that most of the pregnancy weight will still be there. You lose the weight of the baby, and a couple pounds of amniotic fluid, a couple more for the placenta…."

Elliot fought a nauseated feeling himself as she began breaking it all down and had a hard time believing that she was talking about all of this while eating.

"Yeah, that is interesting. But once your doctor says you are alright to exercise again, I am sure you will start running again. That will help. And you can put little man here in bed with daddy, so you can have a little alone time. Or we could join a gym."

"We?"

"Yeah. We work out sometimes at work. But if we actually paid a membership fee each month then we might be more likely to actually go. I'll go with you. I could stand to get into better shape. One of the girls can sit with the baby for a hour a couple of times a week so we can go work out together."

"And most gyms have trainers."

"They do," Elliot agreed unsure of her point in saying this.

"A trainer can work out a personal plan just for me to help me get the baby weight off."

"See, everything is going to be just fine. You worry too much about your weight. I think as long as the doctor says that you and the baby are healthy, things are fine. I don't think you should really even think about it. That is what we pay him for."

"Okay," she said staring at him. "Oh, I got the letters to hang the baby's name over his crib. I want to paint them first, but I thought maybe you could hang them this weekend?"

"So you finally decided on a name?"

"Elliot, we picked out a name a few weeks ago."

"We did. And a week later you decided you didn't like Bryson Matthew."

"I don't."

"No? What name _did_ we decide on?"

"Ryder."

"Ryder? I don't even remember that being on our list."

"You don't like it?"

"I love it. It just wasn't on our list."

"Ryder Anthony Stabler."

Elliot smiled as she smoothed her hands over her belly and grinned.

"So, this is our son, Ryder," he said placing his hands beside hers as the little boy kicked wildly. "I think he likes it."

"Good, because I already bought the letters for the wall."

"Well, now it's set in stone."

"Halloween is in a few days. Is Kathy taking the kids trick or treating?"

"Not exactly."

Olivia tipped her head to the side to gaze at him as she took a bite of her pickle.

"She can't do it. Something came up and I told her we could take them."

"You did, huh?"

"I did. But if it is too much, I can take them alone."

"No, I can go."

"We won't be out long. It is supposed to be a bit cold and Eli just got over an ear infection. But the twins want to go for a few hours, then there is a Halloween party at the church."

"The Catholic church is having a Halloween party?"

"Well, they try to sanctify Halloween as much as possible, but give the kids something to do so that they don't miss out. It is an all Saints and Souls party. They have punch and candy and bible trivia contests. The kids can win prizes and hang out with their friends for a couple of hours. I like it because I can drop them off and let them hang out with their friends at the party and know that they are not going to be propositioned with drugs or alcohol."

"Good point. And the kids like it?"

"The kids love it. They have it at the camp outside the city. There is a bonfire and they roast hotdogs and drink soda and eat sugary foods, then come home all wound up and have to go to bed to get up for school the next morning."

Olivia laughed.

"They are spending the night with Kathy, right?"

"Yeah, they have school the next morning."

"Well, I hope they have fun."

"I am sure they will."

Two days later Olivia buckled Eli into his car seat as the twins climbed into the car.

"What is with the long faces, guys? It is Halloween. You get to go door to door and get free candy. Later is the party. And I gave your dad a heads up on some of the wealthy neighborhoods that hand out the good candy." She waited for smiles, but got nothing. "Guys, I am talking king sized candy bars here!"

It was obvious her attempts were going nowhere as the children were obviously pouting in the back seat.

"Oh, cheer up guys. We're going to stop by work so we can pick up your dad. I'll bet the guys at work will be glad to see you." She climbed into the driver's seat and started the car, as she tipped the rearview mirror to look at the kids once more. "What's wrong guys?"

"Mom made us wear lame costumes," Dickie snarled quickly returning his face to a pout.

"I think you guys look great."

"Dickie is right, Liv. These costumes are pretty lame. I mean, who ever heard of dressing like an angel for Halloween?"

"But you are a very pretty angel."

"Lame," Dickie said pulling off his red rubber clown nose and tossing it into the floor.

"Well, what did you want to be?" Olivia asked as they headed across town to pick up her husband.

"I picked out this really cool gothic kind of fairy costume. It was black and had purple and silver in it and these big purple metallic wings. So cool."

"What about you?" she asked making eye contact with Dickie in the mirror.

"A zombie. With blood and guts hanging out and my face all painted and pale."

"Those sound like good Halloween costumes to me."

"Mom said they aren't appropriate for the party. So she made Elizabeth be and angel and got me this stupid clown costume. I hate clowns!"

"If it is any constellation to you, I think clowns are scary as hell."

Dickie smiled and picked up his nose.

"You do?"

"Oh yeah, very scary."

"Poor little Eli doesn't even know any better," Elizabeth said.

"He is three. It is still cool for him to be dressed up all cute and cuddly," Dickie said as Eli played with the tail to his lion costume.

Olivia took a deep breath and turned off her regular path.

"Liv, I thought we were going to get dad?"

"We are. But we are taking a little detour first. Dad can wait a few minutes. Here is my plan. I will take you guys to the Halloween store to get other costumes if that is what you want to do…."

"Awesome!"

"Wait….the deal is if I get you other costumes for trick or treating, you have to wear the costumes your mother sent to the party."

"What?" Dickie asked.

"Well, while I do see your point in wanting to have a little creative fun with your Halloween costumes, I also see hers. Bloody zombies and gothic fairies are not really appropriate for a church party. Now it is Halloween and there may not be much left to choose from."

"Anything would be better than this," Dickie said handing her his nose.

"And we only have about twenty minutes or so to shop or we wont have time to run home for you guys to change. So twenty minutes to shop, we get in and we get out or you guys wear these costumes all night."

She watched as both kids smiled.

"Do we have ourselves a deal?"

"Deal," the twins said in sync.

She pulled into the parking lot and carried Eli inside as the kids began to rifle through costumes on racks. Twenty minutes later both kids were redressed in something very close to their original costume ideas and each of them carried a bag of makeup and accessories.

"Thanks Liv," Elizabeth said as she climbed back into her seat.

"Yeah, thanks Liv."

"You're welcome guys. Now we have to run get dad and then we can go home so you can put your make up on. Remember, nothing that wont go with your other costumes."

"I bet I'll be the only lame clown at that party with glow in the dark face paint," Dickie laughed.

"I'm sure you will," Olivia agreed.

"Liv, when we get home can you help me do something cool with my hair?"

"Sure, honey."

When they pulled into the parking lot, Elliot was waiting there for them. The kids jumped out of the car and ran to him.

"Look at you guys. Where did you get this?" Elliot asked pointing to the artificial blood and guts all over Dickie's shirt.

"Isn't it cool dad? It squirts blood, too!"

"Yeah, it's cool. You didn't get these costumes from your mother, did you?"

"No," Elizabeth answered.

"Where did you get them?"

"Liv got them for us," Dickie said as Olivia turned around with Eli on her hip.

"You guys go on inside," Elliot said. "We'll be in in a bit."

"You got her in trouble," Elizabeth whispered hitting her brother's arm as they ran up the steps.

"I didn't mean to," he replied.

"Hey you," Elliot said kissing his wife and taking his son from her.

"Hey."

"You didn't like the costumes Kathy sent them in?"

"_They_ didn't like the costumes Kathy sent them in. An angel and a clown."

"So?"

"So, they are almost thirteen years old, Elliot. They want the cool and fun costumes like their friends are wearing. Halloween is supposed to be fun for kids."

"Don't you think Kathy is going to be a little upset when she finds out you let them change costumes?"

"Maybe. But I think if Kathy wanted them to wear those costumes, Kathy should have taken them trick or treating."

"Dang, that's my girl," he said kissing her again.

"They were miserable, El. You should have seen their faces. I just wanted them to be able to enjoy their night. So I took them shopping and now they are actually excited about going out tonight. And don't worry. I told them that Kathy was right about these costumes not being appropriate for the church party. They are going to change before we drop them off. That was part of our agreement You're not upset, are you? I was only trying to give the kids what they wanted."

"No, baby. I am not upset. I actually agree with you. She should loosen up a little more with them. And when they are on our time, as long as it is within reason, I think that the kids should be able to do whatever and wear whatever we approve of for them. You are getting pretty good at this mother stuff."

"You really think so?"

"I do."

"Good. Because I can use all of the practice I can get. When this little guy gets here in a few weeks it will be a full time job. No weekends off or nights we don't have him. I am going to have to know how to do this job twenty four hours a day, for at least eighteen years or so," she laughed.

"You will learn it as you go. And we will be just fine. All of us," he said patting her belly. "Now let's get inside before the terrible two take our friends for everything they have. They are trick or treating professionals."

"Alright," Olivia laughed as she handed Eli his cup of juice.

Over the next few hours Elliot and Olivia walked the kids up one street and down the other through blocks and blocks of several different neighborhoods. They visited all of the wealthy neighborhoods that handed out candy and even stopped by Casey's apartment.

After leaving Casey's, Elliot and Olivia strolled hand in hand down the block as the kids moved on to other houses. Elliot carried Eli from house to house lowering him to his feet and having Elizabeth hold his hand as they walked up the steps. He kissed his wife's hand as they watched the children smile and laugh as they spoke with the people who lived there.

The kids laughed and smiled as they ran back to Elliot and Olivia to show off the goodies they collected. Olivia cooed as she spoke softly to Eli who was rubbing his tired little eyes already. She scooped him up in her arms and kissed the top of his head as she stood, but as she did, something happened.

Olivia stumbled backward a bit as she felt a sharp pain in her belly. She gasped for a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened.

"El," she said softly, "take him."

Elliot turned around and took Eli from Olivia, handing him off to Elizabeth.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked looking concerned.

"I don't know," she said. "I feel a little dizzy and I had a pain."

"What kind of pain?"

"A sharp one, here. It's gone now. Maybe just too much walking."

"It's getting kind of late anyway, why don't we wrap it up? Guys, head for the car," he said to the kids.

Elliot placed one hand in the small of her back and began to lead Olivia toward the car. A few steps toward the car and Olivia felt a hot gush as her water broke in the middle of the street.

"Oh my God," she gasped looking down between her feet.

"Liv, baby, everything is going to be okay. Lets get you into the car and we'll head to the hospital. I will call Maureen to come get the kids. It's gonna be okay, baby."

"Elliot, it is too soon to have this baby now. I am only thirty three weeks. He is not ready. It's too soon," she said as she began to cry.

Forty five minutes later Maureen and the other kids sat in the waiting room. Elliot stood beside Olivia's hospital bed as the doctor examined her.

"Can you stop her labor?" Elliot asked looking at the doctor.

"She is dilated to a two. I might be able to slow it down a bit, but Olivia could possibly have this baby any day now."

"But it is too early," she said.

"We will do everything we can to keep that baby in there as long as we can. But when your body decides it is time to deliver, there will come a point when we can't stop it anymore."

"So, what do we do?" Elliot asked. "What do we do for my son?"

"Your water has already broke, so we will have to keep you here on bed rest until we deliver the baby. Right now I want to get you hooked up to some monitors to help us keep watch over your vitals and his. And I want to give you a couple of steroid injections."

"Steroids?" Olivia asked.

"If you deliver at thirty three weeks, the baby is considered premature. There is a ninety percent chance that this baby will be born healthy. He will have a low birth weight, but ninety percent of infants delivered at this stage of development survive."

"Ninety percent?" she whispered in tears.

"Now, if we can hold off you labor long enough to get at least two of these steroid doses into your system they will help to develop his heart and lungs. That ninety percent raises to about a ninety three and I want to give this little boy every chance we can."

"Okay," she agreed. "Then give me the shots."

"Well, have a nurse prepping the first one. It takes forty eight hours for the shots to take full effect. I have to wait at least twenty four hours before I can give you the second. But I also want to start you on something to stop the contractions you are starting to have."

"How long do you think we have before she has the baby?"

"With some women, they have been able to hold labor off for weeks until the baby was big enough to deliver safely. These shots will also help the baby to put on a little extra weight. Once the water breaks, the longer the baby is in the womb the higher the chance of infection. We will keep you here, in bed to try and keep a close eye on things. But at the first sign of infection, we will have to go ahead and deliver. Hopefully we can hold it off for at least a couple of days. I am going to have a team on standby, just in case we need them. And we will have everything ready for your son's arrival. The best thing that you can do right now is try to relax. We need you calm, Olivia. I know you are scared and nervous, but the more relaxed and calm you are the better it is for you and for the baby. Panic right now could further induce labor."

"Okay," she said softly as Elliot kissed her hand.

After Olivia was settled and the medication had kicked in enough that she had finally fallen asleep, Elliot kissed her gently and headed down the hall to see the children. By this time Kathy had joined them and he forced a nervous smile as he entered the room.

"What's going on dad?" Dickie asked.

"How is Liv?" Maureen inquired.

"Did she have the baby?" Elizabeth spoke up.

"No, honey. She didn't have the baby yet. It is still too early for the baby to be born. So the doctor gave Olivia some medicine to try and stop her labor. They are going to keep her here until the baby is born so that they can keep a close eye on things. They are also going to give her some medicine over the next couple of days that will help him to develop a stronger heart and lungs. He is probably going to be born early and he will be very small and have to stay in the hospital for a while."

"Is the baby going to be okay, dad?" Kathleen asked.

"I don't know, baby. We won't really know that until he gets here."

"Can we see Olivia now?" Elizabeth asked.

"Maybe tomorrow, honey. Right now she is sleepy from all of the medicine and she is resting. Why don't you guys go on home with mom tonight and maybe she can bring you by to visit tomorrow after school?"

"Can you mom?" Dickie asked looking over at Kathy.

"Sure I will."

"But what if she has the baby tonight? Or while we are at school?"

"Then you're dad can call me and I will come and get you from school."

"Promise?"

"I promise," Elliot agreed. "You guys go home and get some sleep and I will see you all tomorrow. I love you guys."

"Love you dad."

"Daddy, can you tell Olivia that we love her and we will come and visit tomorrow?" Elizabeth asked.

"Definitely."

"Can we have some money to get her flowers?" she asked.

"I think I can arrange something," Elliot said pulling some cash out and handing it to Kathy. "Mom can help you guys pick out something nice and Olivia will love them."

Elliot kissed each of the kids as filed out of the room. He grabbed a cup of coffee from the machine and headed back down the hall to sit by Olivia's side. That night he sat and watched her sleep. He stared at the monitors studying each blinking light and number as it changed or didn't change and worried about his wife and son.

For two days Elliot sat by her bedside holding her hand while Olivia was so heavily sedated that she not only couldn't have contractions, but she could barely see straight. For two days all she wanted to do was sleep, sleep and worry about their unborn son inside of her.

Almost exactly forty eight hours after Olivia was given the first steroid shot to help with the baby's development, her son was born. Ryder Anthony Stabler was born on November second, weighed four pounds, five ounces and was seventeen inches long.

Elliot and Olivia stood beside the incubator as the children peered down at their new baby brother.

"Is he going to be okay?" Elizabeth asked looking up at Olivia.

"He is doing really well. He is small and he will have to get a little bigger before he can go home. But he is healthy."

"What are the wires for?"

"That is so they can make sure he is holding up his body temperature. And the thing in his nose gives him extra oxygen to help him breathe. He is eating good and the doctor said that if he starts gaining some weight and keeps doing this well, he should be able to go home in a few weeks."

"That's a long time dad. When can we hold him?" Maureen asked. "He is so cute."

"Olivia will be the only one who can hold him for a while. Premature babies have a low immune system, so he can get sick really easy. And the germs that may cause just a cold for us could be enough to keep him in the hospital for months. As he gets a little older and gets stronger, we will all be able to hold him too. But for right now we have to be very careful."

"But he is going to be alright, right dad?" Dickie asked.

"He is doing really well, but it there are still so many things that could happen to make Ryder sick. He isn't quite out of the woods, yet."

"So we should say a lot of prayers for him, right?" Elizabeth asked.

"It couldn't hurt," Maureen added. "And we can ask the people at church to pray for him, too."

"Can we take pictures of Ryder, so we can show everyone our little brother?"

"Sure," Olivia said with a smile. "Daddy also has a few pictures he took when Ryder was born. He can get you guys copies of those."

"Can we come back and see him tomorrow?" Kathleen asked.

"You can come visit any time you'd like," Olivia replied. "He is your baby brother. He is liable to be here for a while and I think that visitors are good for him."

"I can't wait until he can come home and we can hold him," Dickie said as he stared down at his tiny baby brother.

"Neither can we," Elliot agreed.


	37. 37 Baby Steps

_In Too Deep_

_(Chapter Thirty Seven: Baby Steps)_

_**Seven Days Later….**_

Olivia peered down at the tiny baby boy inside the incubator. Her hand fell to rest over the place where she once felt him kick inside her.

"He is so small," she whispered as Elliot slipped his arms around her and kissed her tear stained cheek.

"But he's healthy. The doctor said he is doing very well and is getting stronger every day."

"I am so sorry," she whispered softly as she knelt to get a closer look at her newborn son.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Elliot said choking back tears of his own as he squeezed her hand in his.

"My one job was to protect him," she sobbed. "To keep him safe inside me until he was strong enough to come out into this world. But I didn't do it."

"Baby, sometimes these things happen. You did everything you could for yourself and for him. You ate healthy, your weight gain was healthy, you stayed active…."

"I got put on bed rest," she said cutting him off. "I should have known then that I wasn't doing something right. I should have slowed down and stayed off my feet more. I should have done whatever it took to make things safe for him."

"You did. You did everything that a mother is supposed to do when she is pregnant. And he is small, baby, but he will be just fine. He had a little jaundice at first, but they've got that under control now. All of those tests the doctors have ran have come out perfect. He is perfect."

"He isn't perfect, Elliot. If he was perfect he wouldn't even be born yet. If things were perfect he would be an eight pound baby, not four pounds. And if things were perfect, we would have been able to hold our son by now. They won't even let us hold him. When he was first born, they said it would be a couple of hours. It has been a week, I can't even hold my son and nurse him."

"He developed an infection. It wasn't safe to take him out of the incubator. But they gave him the antibiotics and the doctor said he is doing much better now. He still has trouble regulating his temperature, sweetheart. When they try to take him out his temperature drops too low. So for now, they have to feed him in there. But he is getting stronger by the moment. And soon he will be able to go home with us, honey, you'll see."

Elliot rubbed her shoulders and hugged her tight.

"I can't help but feel so guilty, El. Like there was something wrong with me or something more I could have done. It is so scary sitting here not knowing for sure what is going on with him. I am just so scared that…."

She paused as she stared at Elliot with tears in her eyes.

"That we could still lose him. Maybe there is something wrong with me. Something that caused me to miscarry before and kept me from carrying to term with Ryder. Maybe it is because there is something wrong with me that he is now laying here fighting for his life."

"Your doctor kept a close eye on you through the entire pregnancy. He didn't see any abnormalities at all. Sometimes babies are just born early and we don't really know why. Maybe Ryder just couldn't wait to meet his mommy and daddy any more," Elliot said with a smile trying his best to lighten her mood.

Olivia stared back up at him forcing a smile.

"I hope you're right," she sighed as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "This would all be so much easier if we could just hold him."

"Soon baby, soon."

That night, like the many that came before, Elliot and Olivia slept in rocking chairs next to the incubator that held their infant. Elliot opened his eyes several times during the night to see her with her hands pressed against the plastic, whispering to Ryder and sometimes softly singing him lullabies.

Elliot smiled as he gently kissed the top of her head. Olivia hadn't even been able to hold her son yet and already she was such a great mother.

"What are you doing, sweetheart?" Elliot asked softly.

"He was stirring. I wanted him to know that he wasn't alone. I didn't want him to be afraid."

Elliot smiled.

"You are such a good mommy."

"I want to be. All I want is for him to be healthy and to get out of here. I want to take him home and do everything I can do to help him grow and be strong."

"He will be. It just takes a little time."

It was early the next morning when Olivia opened her eyes to see the doctor and a couple of nurses examining the baby boy. She reached beside her and gripped the arm of her snoring husband. Elliot sat up in his chair and watched as the doctor removed the little mask that covered Ryder's eyes to protect them from the bright lights in the incubator.

"There you are little guy," the doctor said as the baby stirred and fussed a little.

"Is he okay?" Olivia asked choking back tears.

"He seems just fine. He has good coloring. And a good grip," he said with a smile as Ryder wrapped his tiny fist around the doctor's fingertip. "He seems to be regulating his temperature well and all signs of infection are gone. I think it is time we tried something a little different," he replied wrapping the baby tightly in a receiving blanket and pulling him from the incubator.

Olivia's eyes widened as she sat up in her chair cautiously watching over her baby boy.

"What are you doing? Shouldn't he stay in there?" she asked as the doctor walked slowly toward her.

"A little while won't hurt him. I think it is time for Ryder to meet his mommy and daddy," he replied shifting the baby and offering him to Olivia.

"Are you sure?" she asked in a worried tone. "What if he's not ready? I don't want to hurt him."

"You'll do just fine. He's a tough little guy."

"He's a Stabler," Elliot said with a smile.

One of the nurses pulled a privacy curtain closed around them as she followed the others out of the room.

"There now, that's better," the doctor said softly as he handed the tiny bundle to Olivia. "There you go," he whispered as the infant fussed a little.

Olivia patted him gently as she stared down at her son. Ryder opened his little eyes and stared up at her as be whimpered and cried a weak little cry.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked horrified she was doing something wrong.

"Not a thing," the doctor assured her. "He's just hungry. I'd really like to try to get him to nurse. We've been feeding him the breast milk you've pumped, but it is beneficial in strengthening the bond between mother and baby if we can get him to take to the breast."

"Okay," she agreed.

Elliot watched as the doctor assisted Olivia in positioning the baby. At first Ryder fussed and didn't want to latch on, but he soon gave in.

"Is this right?" she asked nervously.

"Perfect. I am going to give you guys a little time alone with your son. You should let him nurse as long as he wants to. I'll have a nurse com in and check on you guys after a little while. She can give you a few tips on burping him. It can be tricky with the little babies. If you need anything at all just press the call button and someone will be in here immediately."

"Okay," Olivia whispered as she drew a deep breath.

"Thank you doctor," Elliot said with a nod as the doctor disappeared behind the curtain.

"I am surprised he took so well to this," Olivia said softly as Elliot brushed his fingertip over his son's little cheek. "He knows his mommy."

"He is so beautiful."

"Yes he is. We make pretty good looking kids."

"Thank you," Olivia whispered softly as she kissed the top of Ryder's little head and smoothed her fingertip over his hair.

"For what, baby?"

"He is everything I have ever wanted. You have made all of my dreams come true."

Elliot smiled and kissed her tenderly.

"I am your husband, that's my job."

He stared down at their son in his mother's arms.

"He is the cutest baby in this entire hospital. And I am not just saying that because he's ours."

Olivia smiled.

"Yeah, well he has good genes. His daddy is sexy…."

"And his mommy is gorgeous," Elliot added cutting her off. "I guess it just makes since we'd have a good looking kid."

"He definitely looks like a Stabler. His hair is so light blonde you can barely see it. And he has his daddy's big blue eyes."

After a while the nurse came in and showed Olivia how to burp the fragile little baby. Elliot got his turn to hold his little boy and the proud papa carried his son around the room patting him gently and speaking soft words of praise to him. He walked Ryder over to the window and opened the blinds. He smiled as the little boy's eyes widened and he stared upward into the light.

"There's a big city out there," Elliot explained to his son, "and someday mommy and daddy will show you all of it. We'll go to museums and to the zoo. Daddy will even take you to see the Yankee's play. Yes, I will," he cooed softly as the baby grunted and stared at him.

Olivia couldn't help but smile. Elliot was the most amazing father she had ever known of and it was so nice to see him finally getting to bond with Ryder.

Soon the nurse returned to check the baby's temperature.

"He is doing very well. This is a really big day for him. He's probably going to need to get some rest soon."

"Do you need to put him back in the incubator?" Elliot asked.

"I could, or…." she paused for a moment and looked at Olivia, "or you could just hold him while he naps."

"Really?"

"Yeah, sit in the rocker and just hold him close to you. Skin to skin contact is really good for him," the woman explained as she helped Olivia nestle Ryder against her collar bone. "I will get you another blanket for him, we want to make sure to keep him nice and warm."

"I will," Olivia agreed.

Olivia held her son tight against her chest as she hummed softly and rocked him.

"I think he likes that," Elliot said with a smile as the infant seemed to fall right to sleep.

"Note to self," Olivia said looking up at her husband, "Ryder likes to be rocked."

"He is the most amazing baby," Elliot said.

"Yes, he is," she agreed.

"I overheard the doctor telling the nurses that if he continues to progress like this we should be able to take him home soon."

"It would be so nice, to finally have our baby boy at home with his family."

"That would be a holiday wish come true," Elliot replied as he kissed his wife.


End file.
